Log In Sign Up

I'm lost.


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes
  • 2 Post By lily26

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To December 2013 Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 14th, 2013, 08:17 AM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,071
I don't know where to put this, but I feel like I need to vent, if this isn't the right place I guess delete it.

Things right now are really uncertain in my life, I guess thats to be expected while I'm pregnant... but I don't feel like theres anyone in my life to talk too, and I feel good here.

I try to tell myself on a daily basis that I'm strong, and that there is a reason for everything. If anything, it's supposed to be comforting. I know God only gives you what you can handle, and maybe it's because I've been strong for too long, but what happens when you can't handle it anymore?

I can hardly drag myself out of bed anymore, and something snapped right before I got pregnant. I used to work in retail, but I started to develope an ever increasing social anxiety problem thats just gotten worse. I ended up having to actually quit my job, because I could no longer handle others. When people get too close to me I get so anxious that I worry I am going to work myself into a heart attack..I don't even like being in the same aisle as other people when I'm shopping. I don't know if since being pregnant it's caused a serious chemical imbalance, because I've dealt with anxiety for a long time but never to this extereme. I communicated to my ob about my anxiety but she told me to go to someone else. I've tried in the past to get help, but not all doctors treat mental illnesses as real. I am beyond concerned about the effects this is having on my baby.

On top of that, we are strapped for cash, and have struggled lately. I'm not eating properly, like a pregnant woman should, or like a human being should. I don't do it because I don't want too, or because I'm too lazy. I'm doing it cause theres days when we can't afford too... or the food we can afford is crap.
My car isn't on the road because I owe the insurance company too much money, that i've been trying to pay off. Now they're sending me threatening letters to never let me renew my license if it's not paid off. Except thats the least of our worries.
Our electricities been turned off, because the bill got out of hand, i've been trying so hard to try and pay old debts that everything current is falling apart. We've been perodically borrowing our neighbours to plug in our phones and laptop, which is putting a serious damper on work.
On top of that, we're behind on rent, and pretty positive that we are actually going to be evicted. We haven't been served the noticed yet, but I know once we do that I have 5 days to pay it legally and they can't evict us. However, they can then place a 30 day eviction notice, I'm scared of that part. I get that it's my own stupidity that we are in this situation. I should have never quit my job, and just dealt with my anxiety.

So, I've been working with a pregnancy options place to get back on our feet. They were trying to help find housing or rental assistance, but the government refuses to help a pregnant woman unless she already HAS the baby. They are also working on trying to find other resources like employment *since I can't fully do my job right now with no power*, or social assistance and low cost counselling and how to get me food
We've pleaded with the electric company who won't budge, and we've pleaded with various charties who are willing to help others in need, just not willing to help us.

I don't know what to do at this point, i'm so emtionally drained that I sleep most of the day. I pray for help...
I haven't told my family any of this stuff, I'm still having serious issues wanting to even have normal everyday talks with them. I know if worse came to worse I could go home, BUT it would just reaffirm there beliefs that my s/o is "a ****** deadbeat loser" in there eyes, and they would flat out refuse to let him stay. I don't want to be without him, hes my rock. he's trying to find extra work to help us.

I'm also a little worried after birth about the possibilty of not being able to keep the child I so badly wanted, that they'll take the child away because of my emotional unstability, and if things get worse.

We tried for so long, and this is why we stopped. Now we have our miracle, but we're so far down on our luck that it seems impossible.

I just want to have a normal pregnancy, without all this extra stuff.. I just wanted to be honest for once to someone about my life.. I've tried for too long and too hard to pretend my life is perfect

Sorry it was so long, all I want and need is some positive prayers and thoughts for us to get back on our feet and in a good place for baby....
__________________


Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 14th, 2013, 08:55 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,033
Sent you a PM, sweet Lily!!!!!
__________________
More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!~ Mrs. James Hendry

I'm a Mary in a world of Marthas~Carol Barnier

I think you are too kind. Kind people give the people around them a hard time. You can't express yourself honestly, because you are worried about hurting other people's feelings, and that makes you miserable.~"Winter Sonata"
Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 14th, 2013, 09:26 AM
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 12
Praying for you and your family. Stay strong, its hard, Im going through some things as well, but thinking positively and leaning on others (the few I can) helps.

I posted this on my FaceBook page and hope it helps...Mothers move mountains and walk through hell with a smile. Our children never know that we don't have, because we find a way to make sure that our children always have. We do without so that they don't have to. There is no obstacle that can withstand the force of a mother's love. No one said it would be easy, but they said it would be worth it.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 14th, 2013, 09:43 AM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 45
I'm from the Nov. DDC, but I wanted to offer encouragement.

We were just in a very similar situation ourselves. My DH lost his job and our bills were piling up. Insurance on the car lapsed, and we were dangerously close to shut offs for all our utilities, plus we had hardly any food, and DH and I were going without so our two children could eat. We barely scraped up rent for a couple months. Everything got so bad and so stressful I ended up having extreme depression and anxiety attacks. Life got so overwhelming and I felt like I was in this bottomless hole, and I couldn't get out. I live 2000 miles away from any friends or family, so I was feeling pretty isolated.

DH found a job, a much better one than he had had before. He gets paid twice as much as he did from his old job, and gets a raise and insurance (really good insurance) after 90 days. And after some harassing of my OB, she finally agreed to prescribe me an antidepressant (at first she tried to tell me I had baby blues - don't let someone tell you this! You know when you need help, you speak up for your health!), which seems to be working so far. We are still working on climbing out of the overdue bills we have, but things are getting better. And they will for you too! I know it can feel like it never will, because I remember feeling that way only a few weeks ago. But it will get better. Rainbows are brighter after the rain.

If you need someone to talk to you can always PM me. *hugs*
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 14th, 2013, 09:53 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,923
First of all, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now (although that seems like a horrible understatement).

Secondly, Try focusing on the immediate things. Don't worry about them taking your child over your mental health. You have 7 months to get that all figured out and it may be that having the baby will help your anxiety some. I know it's hard not to worry, but there's plenty of time to figure that part out.

Thirdly, have you contacted the state? If you qualify for medicaid while pregnant, I believe it covers some amount of mental health care and I would hope it would at least cover the minimum.
Medicaid mental health services
Have you looked into local food banks that can help with some food so that the money can go elsewhere? Also, the Catholic churches here have programs specifically to help pregnant women and they also prioritize families with pregnant women for their bill assistance programs.

Lastly, Keep talking to your doctor about your anxiety. Explain what triggers it and how often each day it affects your functioning. The biggest problem with anxiety during pregnancy is that because of safety issues, a lot of the medications (if not most or all) are not prescribed.

I hope you find some resolutions to these concerns quickly.
__________________
Wife to sweet husband Jeff and mother to 2 beautiful girls: Emily (2) and Jocelyn (1).

Reply With Quote
  #6  
June 14th, 2013, 11:22 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
((HUGS))

I think the others have some great ideas. Certainly don't go through this alone. Talk to your doc about anxiety or anti-depressant meds. Many MANY pregnant and post-partum women need them. No need not to take them!

I don't know what charities you've spoken to, but it sounds like you all should qualify for gvt assistance right now. Take it! It irritates the heck out of me when lazy slackers stay on gvt assistance without any hesitation and REFUSE to help themselves, while people like you work their butts off or are in a temporary struggle and don't get the assistance (sometimes, pride gets in the way). It's meant for people like you. Not for full-time slackers.

The bad thing about some charities and gvt assistance is all the red tape. Keep hounding them, someone will push you through!

((HUGS))

I think the others have some great ideas. Certainly don't go through this alone. Talk to your doc about anxiety or anti-depressant meds. Many MANY pregnant and post-partum women need them. No need not to take them!

I don't know what charities you've spoken to, but it sounds like you all should qualify for gvt assistance right now. Take it! It irritates the heck out of me when lazy slackers stay on gvt assistance without any hesitation and REFUSE to help themselves, while people like you work their butts off or are in a temporary struggle and don't get the assistance (sometimes, pride gets in the way). It's meant for people like you. Not for full-time slackers.

The bad thing about some charities and gvt assistance is all the red tape. Keep hounding them, someone will push you through!
__________________
Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles

Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
June 14th, 2013, 11:51 AM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,286
If there are any churches you trust in your area, see if you can talk to them. They typically have outreach people who specialize in helping people connect with financial, mental and medical help that they need.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #8  
June 14th, 2013, 01:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,007
Quote:
Originally Posted by feythful View Post

Thirdly, have you contacted the state? If you qualify for medicaid while pregnant, I believe it covers some amount of mental health care and I would hope it would at least cover the minimum.
Medicaid mental health services
.
Looks like she is in Canada so things would be different up there.

Hugs to you. I can't even imagine what you guys are going through. What part of Canada are you in? I have a lot of Canadian friends and would be glad to ask them if they know of any resources that might be able to help you. Focus on the main things right now which are shelter and food. I know it is hard to not think of things down the road but it will be easier to manage and get through if you focus on the immediate need of shelter and food.
__________________
Allie

Reply With Quote
  #9  
June 14th, 2013, 06:36 PM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,071
Thank you ladies for your kind words, and prayers. It definatly helped to finally unload all of this onto someone finally. Thank you for being my ears, that meant alot.

I'm bad with multiple quoting but Ellia, I am in BC, thanks that would be lovely if you your friends new some resources. Thank you in advanced even if they don't know. Luckily, we have pretty good health care here, minus some prescriptions costs.. so being covered I don't really need to worry about so thanks anyways for the information feythful. I hope it benefits someone in the states reading this

Redbird~ Thanks, I'm going to make an appointment with another doctor and see if I can't get some medication, or at least some type of help. Even if they need to refer me to a psychiatrist. Yeah, I think pride has alot to do with struggling too long before getting government help. I'd rather not, but I decided to speak with someone monday.

Feythful~ Thank you, I am trying to get signed up with a local food bank, I know on a certian day of the week they have things for pregnant and mothers only. So that will help, one thing that has held us back is someone recently stole my s/o's wallet. Luckily they only took his Id's and no money... he usually keeps it at home. They won't allow your household to register without id's. So I willl see if maybe I can at least go for the pregnant days. They also are opening a crisis food store. Where if you make under a certian amount of money per year you can qualify for cheap groceries. I found it on a walk today, so hopefully as long as we're still in the area we can use them.

Anybodyinthere~Thank you, I will check. Honestly, I have been thinking that I should try a church and see if they know of any resources in the area, but I wasn't sure if they could help. I know you and feythful mentioned the church. I've been recently trying to strengthen my relationship with God, so I like to consider myself a christian, so I hope that if I find a Catholic Church that won't be a problem. Thanks so much for that information

JennyMatrix~ Thank you for sharing your story that means alot! I am happy to hear that everything turned out for you in the end. I truely am Yeah doctors can get kind of frustrating, especially when what you're dealing with isn't something that can be seen. I am glad you finally got help, I hope the medication helped you. I will keep on trucking until someone finally listens. I found out that they have a perinatal support line for depression, and other emotional problems. I will try them maybe.

Gotitright~ Thank you for what you posted. I will remember that I hope that you get through the things your dealing with as well. I'll send a prayer your way.

Hugsnsandi~Thanks,


Offically the landlord is giving us two more days to get things straightened out, but I may have found a small loophole that might give us a bit more time. Our water heater broke, and we asked twice to have someone fix it and noone ever did. In the tenant act here, you can withhold rent if they don't meet your basic necessities and hot water is one of them. So if we get the eviction notice I can dispute it by law and recieve a bit extra time. I'd rather not, I'd rather pay it, they fix it and avoid confrontation.

I don't really want to stay here when the baby's born, it's a one bedroom and we'd eventually need a 2 bedroom. I just know how incredibly hard it is to find housing on short notice, let alone on government assistance, people flat out refuse to rent to couples, families etc on government assistant even though it's illegal to say "no welfare". Plus that would leave us with a black mark for our last landlords reference. Ah, oh well. I hope we can make up the money.

thanks for the hugs, the prayers and the positive thoughts and your helpfulness!
feythful and hugssandi like this.
__________________


Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:18 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0