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Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 16th, 2013, 08:43 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 71
1st of all my user name has nothing to do with anyone else here. That has been my name since the beginning as I have two boys and I noticed AFTER I had already been posting for awhile that someone else had almost the same name as me. I never even thought of changing it or wanted to and have no idea what that has to do with anything.

Secondly I never posted my question to bash anyone or to be judgmental, I was simply asking a question because it seems like everyone is so obsessed with these genetic tests. I don't get on here that often and it was on my mind. Obviously I didn't think she would still be reading the message board as I figured she would be dealing with her family and her emotions and probably want to get away for a bit. I was BAWLING my eyes out when I wrote that post. My heart was broken for her. I can't imagine what she is going through and I don't pretend to even have a clue what it's like. It was NEVER my intention to hurt anyone or anger anyone but I will step away now.

Enjoy your pregnancies.
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  #2  
June 16th, 2013, 08:54 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,033
I've had the gut-reaction that this isn't the place for me as well, but I really do hope you'll reconsider. These things always, ALWAYS blow over. Just give it some time. I'm so sorry for both of our mamas to 2 boys. This is heart wrenching!
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  #3  
June 16th, 2013, 09:08 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 724
Don't leave. I think your post was just a bit of bad timing but not done to be malicious. It will blow over. We've had drama in here before and it all blew over. Just give it some time dear.
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  #4  
June 16th, 2013, 09:09 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 4,719
This board is more obsessed with the genetic testing then my first DDC. They were all very crunchy and really into natural parenting. Some never had a single u/s.

Mama_2boys - don't run off, this'll all calm down within a day or two. I went through and viewed your past posts etc and you are an actual contributer to this board and write good posts. Abortion is a rough subject and everyones emotional right now. Trust me, my SO and I have talked about it after her first post and I've been sick and depressed for days about it and just in tears today. Just know these forums can be wonderful support groups. My first DDC went through my ex'dhs affair with me, my divorce etc. I had nobody for a long time there except for them. I've met several in real life and we talk EVERYDAY. There will always be people in the group that you can't stand and don't agree with. Thats life. (((HUGS))) to you and please let this role off. Some people bite before they bark.
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  #5  
June 16th, 2013, 09:31 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
Totally lost as I haven't been on... Depending on what is said, I agree, these forums do have misunderstandings, but MOST of the time, apologies and time heal.
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Last edited by redbirds; June 16th, 2013 at 09:38 AM.
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  #6  
June 16th, 2013, 09:34 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
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I'm used to crunchier boards as well.
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More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!~ Mrs. James Hendry

I'm a Mary in a world of Marthas~Carol Barnier

I think you are too kind. Kind people give the people around them a hard time. You can't express yourself honestly, because you are worried about hurting other people's feelings, and that makes you miserable.~"Winter Sonata"
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  #7  
June 16th, 2013, 10:06 AM
monkeymama2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Suburbs of Chicago
Posts: 1,922
I think the question is a little poorly timed. But honestly? I think it's totally relevant. I've been wondering the same thing. Of course when someone else faces a serious decision we wonder what we would do. I know I have told my husband about this and we have talked and we're still on the same page. And yes I can say I do know absolutely what I would do, and that's not a judgement on anyone else. FWIW--I decline genetic testing. I can see the value in the heads up, but it would cause me too much anxiety.
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  #8  
June 16th, 2013, 10:18 AM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,004
Quote:
Originally Posted by hugssandi View Post
I'm used to crunchier boards as well.
Ditto. It seems iike everyone is having NT scans, various blood screenings, and even those new fangled ones that can tell you gender like the MaterniT21. Much more than past due date clubs I have been in. Maybe it's just becoming more mainstream? Who knows.

Anyways... I don't think the post was intended to be malicious. It's a perfectly valid question, and one that I have seen posted in other DDCs before. The situation likely just made her think about what she would do. Also, I did not see anything "judgmental" in the replies. Just because someone says that they absolutely would not terminate a pregnancy if downs or another problem were found, that doesn't mean they are judging someone else for making that decision. I know 100% that I could never do that. I have suffered enough losses, and could not bear to choose to end the life of a baby just because it might make my life a bit more difficult. I'm more of the thought that....things happen for a reason, we don't always know what that reason is, and it isn't always obvious right away..but there is something to be learned from anything that happens. But that doesn't mean I'm sitting here all like "wow, what a horrible person for making that decision. " because I'm not in her shoes, and I don't know what her situation is. What is right for one, may not be for another.
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  #9  
June 16th, 2013, 10:41 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeymama2 View Post
Of course when someone else faces a serious decision we wonder what we would do. I know I have told my husband about this and we have talked and we're still on the same page. And yes I can say I do know absolutely what I would do, and that's not a judgement on anyone else..
I like that you posted this. IMO it was a decision i needed to make before hand and not in the heat of the moment. So yes, SO and I know as well exactly what we would do in the same position.
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  #10  
June 16th, 2013, 11:33 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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Posts: 4,923
Mama_2boys:

I think the unfortunate timing of the post made it more emotional than it otherwise would have been. It having been posted just minutes later perhaps made it look differently than if it had been posted a few days later. That is not being said in judgment at all, you're more than welcome to post anything you like, but it is the reality of the situation.

Due to of the similarity in your name and Mama2boys, I suppose several of us have lumped you both into the same person, because we never noticed the subtle difference in your name. In fact, that was mentioned in the last thread. Chicachels even said that she wasn't aware that there were 2 people with such similar names. Neither was I.

The fact is that the hormones are running high for everyone during this time and there are bound to be miscommunications and misunderstandings due to the delivery of type and the fact that we don't know each other well. Once we get to know each other better, we'll be able to read more (or less) into these things as we will know that person's style.

It will, in fact, blow over. If you choose to stay, I look forward to getting to know you. If not, best wishes in your pregnancy.
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  #11  
June 16th, 2013, 05:32 PM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
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I hope you choose to stay!

for the first little while i thought you were 1 in the same, but after a few topics you both posted on with different types of replies *Way before this* I realized you were different people.

I feel sorry for her, and sad but I honestly thought nothing of your topic. I'm actually really confused on whats happening?
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  #12  
June 16th, 2013, 06:08 PM
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Posts: 4,694
Most of us are over or closer to 40 which is why the genetic testing may be more popular
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  #13  
June 16th, 2013, 06:11 PM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,389
I agree, there is a larger number of "older" moms in this DDC than in others. Hence the "obsession" with genetic testing.
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  #14  
June 16th, 2013, 06:20 PM
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And I think obsessed was a big word. Maybe more concerned lol it's very interesting to me that everyone answered your post, but once ONE person said it was posted too soon or was harsh everyone jumped on that wagon. If it was something you needed to ask don't apologize for it. I was more insulted by the comments to your question stating how they would "never" do this and "never" do that. I hope when I grow up I am as perfect as most in this room. :/
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  #15  
June 16th, 2013, 07:24 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 3,286
I agree that this is an older board,at least on average much older than my last DDC. I will be 36 when this baby is born and there are many more people who are not exactly in their 20s anymore. Maybe if I'd gotten married younger, I'd have had kids then, but that wasn't in the cards for me. So, now I have to be concerned with an increased risk for genetic complications.

Regardless of whether people have intended their posts to sound judgmental or condescending, they sometimes do come across that way, which is what has caused a lot of the misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

And I'm actually pretty crunchy, so that's not mutually exclusive.
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  #16  
June 17th, 2013, 03:16 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: USA
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As a crunchy, older gal (41) who is not testing, sometimes it's nice to know I'm not alone. THAT'S why I think she asked the Q. On the past Due Date Boards I was a part of there were very few who did testing (at any age), so it is very different. I don't mind, but it is always nice to make a connection that keeps you from feeling isolated. And I have made MANY such connections with all of you! Testing or not is no different.

ETA that I've never been on a DDC that has blown up like this one, either.
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More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!~ Mrs. James Hendry

I'm a Mary in a world of Marthas~Carol Barnier

I think you are too kind. Kind people give the people around them a hard time. You can't express yourself honestly, because you are worried about hurting other people's feelings, and that makes you miserable.~"Winter Sonata"

Last edited by hugssandi; June 17th, 2013 at 03:43 AM.
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  #17  
June 17th, 2013, 04:14 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Nov 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hugssandi View Post
ETA that I've never been on a DDC that has blown up like this one, either.
LOL Sandi. Surprisingly, this has been worse than other DDCs I've been in, but nearly as bad as some that I haven't been in. I know that the 2 surrounding one of my other DDC had groups that nicknamed themselves the drama llamas, because it was constant. It was so bad, some of my DDC went to lurk for entertainment. I'm not saying that we have any goal to reach or anything, but it has given me a bit of perspective, and as far as I know, both of those groups are now getting along fairly well. Hopefully, this is the only issue we have, but with as many outspoken and passionate people as we seem to have...hormones are a dangerous thing. Like I said, it should be better once we all know each other better and have an idea of what someone meant or what they would or wouldn't say. I hope that all of us stick around to let that happen.
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  #18  
June 17th, 2013, 04:37 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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I'd also like to add that the title crunchy has a sliding scale just like attachment parenting. I don't think everyone who considers themselves crunchy does ALL the same things. So genetic testing and crunchiness aren't necessarily mutually exclusive either.
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  #19  
June 17th, 2013, 04:40 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: USA
Posts: 2,033
Yeah, there are definitely ways I'm not crunchy, I'm sure.
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More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!~ Mrs. James Hendry

I'm a Mary in a world of Marthas~Carol Barnier

I think you are too kind. Kind people give the people around them a hard time. You can't express yourself honestly, because you are worried about hurting other people's feelings, and that makes you miserable.~"Winter Sonata"
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  #20  
June 17th, 2013, 11:41 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,389
I belong to other forums for other topics and compared to those forums, this board is tame lol. You talk about blow ups and fights. They aren't even hormone fueled either. I do think people take parenting/pregnancy related topics a little more seriously because I mean people are basically judging your choices/abilities as a parent. That doesn't usually sit well with most people.

The last DDC I was involved with was way younger, way crunchier, and maybe not as opinionated. That being said, I remember that most of the members had, at the very least, their first screen and NT scan done and these were women who were mostly in their early-mid 20s. Not as much talk of CVS and amnios, in fact I don't think anyone had an amnio and only a couple had a CVS. MaterniT21 didn't exist at the time.
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