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Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By kayakr
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  #1  
June 17th, 2013, 01:44 PM
Meggie26's Avatar Megan
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Location: Massachusetts
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Sorry I don't get on here enough! I just don't have access ALL the time.

Anyhow, long story short.. My two older children have my last name and this baby has a different father. He has every intention of being there for Baby and doing what's right for him/her. My other two aren't as fortunate.

So I guess my question is HOW do I do the last name? I was very adamant that all of my children have my last name but I kind of feel like this time around it can slide. Maybe. I don't want him to feel cheated by his first child NOT having his last name, but then I always worry about the child feeling left out because he/she would have a different last name.

I'm sorry if none of that makes sense. How do you make decisions like this IF marriage isn't in the (near) future??

Thanks in advance.
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  #2  
June 17th, 2013, 01:51 PM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,742
I would keep the new babies name as my own and my other children. If you ever marry daddy then you can change yours and your new babies name at the same time. You could always blame your past experience as to why you want all your babies to just have the same last name for now. If he proves to be a good daddy you could always change it before school starts or marriage.

Good luck with your decision! I know it's a hard one.
Meggie26 and anybodyinthere like this.
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #3  
June 17th, 2013, 01:52 PM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Location: Sewickley, PA
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If he is involved I'd give the baby his name.
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  #4  
June 17th, 2013, 02:00 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am not in that situation, so I can't say for sure, but I think I would keep the name the same as mine if I wasn't married.

Like above, if you get married, it's easy enough to change the baby's name.

There are people in here who have experience with that and maybe they will chime in.
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  #5  
June 17th, 2013, 03:06 PM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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Location: CO
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Well... from what I know, my advice would be to use your last name. He's got some things to prove and if/when you do get married, it's an easy change and who knows, if/when that happens, he may also adopt E & K and they would get his last name, too! It could be a huge, fun deal for the WHOLE family!!! But, right now, stick with your last name.
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  #6  
June 17th, 2013, 03:24 PM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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Might want to look into state laws too. In my state, if the mom is unmarried, the baby gets her last name unless the father takes a paternity test and fills out a bunch of legal paperwork. That's to keep the moms from lying about it and claiming the baby belongs to some one that they know might not be the father, but could provide child support more steadily.

If dh and I had had different last names (like if I had kept my maiden name or even hyphenated our two names together), I would have had to bring a marriage certificate to prove we were married....it's so complicated here.
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  #7  
June 17th, 2013, 03:36 PM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 918
My boys have my last name and I had a small conversation with this baby's father about what last name he would have. He will have my last name because it is easier with schools and stuff for the child to have the same last name as the mother. You could maybe think about doing it hypenated if he really wanted his name to be used.
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  #8  
June 17th, 2013, 05:03 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If I weren't married I wouldn't give anyone else's last name to my babies. I'm sooooo very thankful my momma didn't give me my sperm donors last name
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December 9, 2013
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  #9  
June 17th, 2013, 05:48 PM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Personally, since I'm not married I am giving my baby my s/o's last name.

I know that life is full of uncertianities, and that theres always a chance things fall apart at some point, hell i've already been married and divorced so I get the uncertianity part.

Regardless of what happens, it's his kid. Thats just my opinion I guess.
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  #10  
June 18th, 2013, 11:14 AM
Meggie26's Avatar Megan
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Thanks ladies!

I have my mother's (married) last name, but all of my siblings have their father's last name.. So I guess in all reality its still my name.

I had talked about do a hyphenated last name, but that seems to be too many names for my liking. I would much rather keep baby's last name the same as mine just to make life easier. I suppose as long as the baby's father gets to help name him/her that's good enough for now, right?
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  #11  
June 18th, 2013, 11:22 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Location: Sewickley, PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lily26 View Post
Personally, since I'm not married I am giving my baby my s/o's last name.

I know that life is full of uncertianities, and that theres always a chance things fall apart at some point, hell i've already been married and divorced so I get the uncertianity part.

Regardless of what happens, it's his kid. Thats just my opinion I guess.
That was my thinking during my first pregnancy but then we got married the month before she was born so it didn't matter.
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  #12  
June 18th, 2013, 11:24 AM
DavidandJaidonsmomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Houston, TX
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My boys have different last names and I have a very unique story. My oldest has his father's last name, but my youngest has my maiden name. At the time when I had my youngest there was a lot of drama and long story short no father was listed on the birth certificate. A few years later we actually ended up getting married (we are now divorced) and now I have his father's last name and he doesn't. I always had the intention of changing his last name, but his father wants to change his middle name and I don't agree with that. I feel like he should have been around back then if he wanted a say in all that so we never changed it. Jaidon eventually just started hyphenating his name on his own (smart child ) lol. This child will have his father's last name which is the same father as my oldest. So long story short two of my kids will have the same last name and the middle child has a different name. Jaidon is very nonchalant though and could care less lol.
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Baby#3:
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  #13  
June 18th, 2013, 11:37 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
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You could also make your babies middle name be your last name.

My DS has my maiden name for his middle name. He thinks it's cool and gets lots of complements on it.
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #14  
June 18th, 2013, 11:37 AM
mommy-of-one's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: KY
Posts: 430
If I could re-do anything about the birth of my DD, it would be giving her my SO (at the time)'s last name...
I know every situation is different, I swore over and over that nothing would ever split us up, yada yada yada... So, I gave her his last name. We split a few months after she was born... I have spent the last 6 years being called by his last name when picking her up at school, going to her dr, phone calls from ins and school and coaches/leaders... It reminds me every day that I made a mistake. (edited to add-not made a mistake having her, but the mistake was using HIS last name...) And now, we are spending way too much money on lawyers to try to over-ride the barely there bio-dads rights and change her last name...

Just think long and hard, make up your mind BEFORE you get to the hospital and stick with it... Please... I swore I was going to give her my last name, then she was born and i was emotional and we decided we were in love and she was getting his last name (barf!!)
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  #15  
June 18th, 2013, 11:45 AM
Meggie26's Avatar Megan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy-of-one View Post
If I could re-do anything about the birth of my DD, it would be giving her my SO (at the time)'s last name...
I know every situation is different, I swore over and over that nothing would ever split us up, yada yada yada... So, I gave her his last name. We split a few months after she was born... I have spent the last 6 years being called by his last name when picking her up at school, going to her dr, phone calls from ins and school and coaches/leaders... It reminds me every day that I made a mistake. (edited to add-not made a mistake having her, but the mistake was using HIS last name...) And now, we are spending way too much money on lawyers to try to over-ride the barely there bio-dads rights and change her last name...

Just think long and hard, make up your mind BEFORE you get to the hospital and stick with it... Please... I swore I was going to give her my last name, then she was born and i was emotional and we decided we were in love and she was getting his last name (barf!!)
I can see why you'd want to change it. This is why I was VERY adamant that my children would have my last name. I guess it also helped since their father wasn't even present for the pregnancies or the births. I'm the only one on their birth certificates. Unfortunately, I'm going through a child support hearing/case as we speak and it could lead to the father being put on the birth certificate. I certainly hope not.

Maybe the father's last name could be the middle/first part of the last name? I don't know.. I guess I have plenty of time to really, really think about it all.
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  #16  
June 18th, 2013, 11:47 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,742
yeah - make his last name the babies middle name and your name the last name!
If you guys ever get married then your babies still has both names and could just reverse them if baby wanted.
Meggie26 likes this.
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #17  
June 18th, 2013, 12:00 PM
DavidandJaidonsmomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3,629
I occasionally get called the wrong names, but it has never offended me. My oldest doesn't have the greatest father, but it's still his father. I always want my kids to know who helped create them because it's still a part of their bloodline and identity regardless of circumstance. Even if you don't know your father you can still reach out later in life and learn more about that part of your family.

I think for me it was always weird because my maiden name isn't my biological father's name. I won't say step dad because he is the only man who who raised me, but my adolescent years were rough and sometimes I really loathed the fact I had his name over my bio dad's name although I've spoken to my bio dad all of maybe three times in my lifetime. So maybe that's why I had no desire to give my boys my maiden name. Although I don't seek a relationship with my bio father anymore I am still very curious about that side of my family and consider them a part of me. When I got divorced last year I kept my married name, but mainly because it's so easy for people to remember and it's a conversation starter (my last name is Bacon).
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Baby#3:
Beta 4/25 @ 16dpo 622 4/29 @ 20dpo 2013
10wk hb 172

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  #18  
June 18th, 2013, 12:28 PM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Kansas
Posts: 4,719
My first was a in wedlock child so he has his dads name. Had I known his dad was sleeping with everyone BUT me before Wyatt was born I would have done my maiden name an switched back to it with the divorce. But I kept my exs name because that's my sons name. To be honest I don't feel entirely comfortable giving this babies it's fathers last name because we aren't married. But it would be a disaster if I gave it my exes name.
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  #19  
June 18th, 2013, 03:32 PM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meggie26 View Post
I'm the only one on their birth certificates. Unfortunately, I'm going through a child support hearing/case as we speak and it could lead to the father being put on the birth certificate. I certainly hope not.

When I went through all the child support stuff with my first son his dad was added to the birth certificate but it didn't change my son's name at all. My second I refused to go after child support to prevent him having any rights.
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