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Family at hospital


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By ErinBoshnyak1985
  • 3 Post By anybodyinthere
  • 2 Post By Miss-Melissa-Sue
  • 1 Post By JulieMc
  • 1 Post By feythful
  • 3 Post By bajars2531
  • 1 Post By psboden
  • 1 Post By Brittanie
  • 2 Post By HorseGal

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  #1  
June 19th, 2013, 05:03 PM
Kelizah's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 365
I know this is wayyy early, but it's a huge concern of mine. This is DH's parent's first grandchild... and knowing how they are already, I'm in for some hell with them during labor and after. I have no concerns for my family.. this is the 16th kid and while they are excited they know the routine and I'll call when I'm ready for visitors, etc. My dad is the type of person who just pops in, makes sure everyones good and leaves. BUT dh's parents.... I just picture them around me while I'm in the hospital and I want to scream. They are the type of people who don't leave and don't take the hint to leave. I've kind of already told my husband who I want there and he kind of glossed over what I said.. so I definitely plan on making it clear to everyone.. to basically leave me alone lol..

has anyone dealt with pushy family members?
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  #2  
June 19th, 2013, 05:18 PM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
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Alright..first off, if you suspect you're going to have annoying people there while you are IN LABOR....make sure you do not tell them when you've headed to the hospital. If they don't know you're there, they won't be able to bug you. You seriously do not want an audience when you're trying to labor. The nurses and all that are enough of a bother, honestly.

Second...be happy you'll have any visitors and be happy that they are happy for you. I had tons of visitors with my first kid (which was tiring, but nice). With my second, I only had 2 visitors. My own parents didn't even come see me. In fact, they didn't see my daughter til she was 3 days old. Yea, lame. Be glad they care. If you really don't want them to get to see their first grandchild while you are in the hospital, then I'd try to set something up with them to come over to your place soon after you get home.
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  #3  
June 19th, 2013, 05:19 PM
ErinBoshnyak1985's Avatar Super Mommy
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Not quite yet...but YOU run the show, not everyone else.....you could push the responsability off on the Dr or midwife and say they don't want more than X number of people in the room. I heard a large group keeps you unfocused on your task and makes it harder to labor.
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  #4  
June 19th, 2013, 05:21 PM
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With DD all I wanted were my parents and my ex in-laws there. At the last minute I invited one of my sisters. In the meantime my other sister and her 3 kids showed up while I was in labor. Her kids were running around my room excited and screaming and I almost had a panic attack. I didn't get my bonding time I wanted with just me, DD and her dad because everyone had to hold the baby. My sister who I invited was awesome about it all. She waited in the hall until I asked where she was because she didn't want to impose. She was very sweet about it all and understood. This time it will just be DH and I. Our parents are invited after the baby comes and everyone else is welcome to come visit at our home. I consistently had visitors at the hospital and wasn't able to rest.
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  #5  
June 19th, 2013, 05:24 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Make it very clear to the staff who is allowed in.

I had my family all in my room while I delivered, Kardashian style lol! And I didn't mind it, but seriously, like 20 minutes after I got to my recovery room, someone from work just waltzed on in. No warning. After she left, I gave the desk a list of names.
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  #6  
June 19th, 2013, 05:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anybodyinthere View Post
Make it very clear to the staff who is allowed in.
I completely agree! My friend is a labor and delivery nurse. She told me the same thing. They will tell unwanted visitors they aren't allowed in. As she put it, let the staff be the mean guys to uninvited and unwanted visitors.
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  #7  
June 19th, 2013, 05:54 PM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
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Goood idea about telling the nurses...but make it very clear!! I asked them not to let anyone in for an hour or so after I had my daughter, and they still let my FIL and SIL in right after I'd had her....and I was still breastfeeding her. Ugh. I am not a nurse in front of people person and really did not like that.
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  #8  
June 19th, 2013, 06:18 PM
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Yep tell the nurses that you do not wish to have anyone beside you husband in .
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  #9  
June 19th, 2013, 06:21 PM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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If you are concerned about it, you need to continue to talk to your husband and explain to him how he's going to want to have time to enjoy being a dad and loving his child before everyone else gets there and wants to hold and snuggle your little one. Maybe if you approach it from a way that he can relate to, he'll get it? Also, have him explain to his parents that you're limiting all visitors to 20-30 minutes (or however long you want) so that you and the baby can rest and bond.

Also, for sure talk to the nursing staff. I'd go ahead and type up the types of visitor restrictions that you know you want so that you're not trying to remember all of it later. You can change it later, of course, but since you're thinking about it, why not. You should probably let him know that you plan to give the nurses specific instructions once you start approaching the date so that he understands that he won't just be able to override your wishes last minute.
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Last edited by feythful; June 19th, 2013 at 08:22 PM.
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  #10  
June 19th, 2013, 06:28 PM
bajars2531's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with what has been said for sure. We are only allowed 2 people in the room while birthing and then no more that 4 visitors at a time after, but not for the first hour after delivery. I love, love my hospital--they are so mom/baby focused. They wait until an hour after birth to do any doctor related weighing, washing, anything. That first hour (or two if you want) is 100% for mom/dad/baby. I feel that is SO important and I wish people would understand that and not get offended or make it about themselves.
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  #11  
June 19th, 2013, 06:39 PM
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I can see not having them there for the birth but I would imagine it would be hurtful to them and your DH if you didn't let them come visit. I would just talk to him about that and just be blunt with the in laws. Also put yourself in his position, how would you feel if he didn't want your parents to visit but his could?

We will probably have my mom with us again but that's it. After the baby is born and we have an hour or two I welcome any and all visitors!
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  #12  
June 19th, 2013, 08:30 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Never had this problem. Happens when family doesn't live in the same state. My mom flew out just before I was induced with Allison, but she stayed home with Erin and Patrick and only came to the hospital when we were ready to have Erin and Patrick come.


I agree with telling the nurses though.
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  #13  
June 20th, 2013, 04:59 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have heard too that nurses make good "bad guys" in these type of situations. I would also tell your husband that unless he plans to wear a gown with no underware and lay there exposed next to you, that he better respect your privacy and expect it from his family as well.
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  #14  
June 20th, 2013, 05:12 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Would they really want to be in the room while you push? I mean they are harmless in the waiting room, right?

We love having everyone at the hospital. When they arrive they say hi and then go sit impatiently in the waiting room. After my son was born we only had our daughter back. Then when the baby went to get his sugar tested and bath the whole family got to watch/meet him through the nursery window. I loved that. It seemed so sweet.
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  #15  
June 20th, 2013, 08:16 AM
summerbaby1's Avatar Veteran
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I remember with one of my sisters, she was an awesome nurse, made sure my sis had everything she needed and didnt mind telling ppl they needed to get the h*** out (in a nice way) when Mom needed to nurse or just needed time with baby. With our first baby I'm going to make it VERY clear that we need some time after baby is born at least an hr. Then close family...my parents, his mom, my siblings etc can see the baby, but NO co-workers, friends,etc till the next day. Honestly tons of visitors is not something I'm looking fwd to, I'm kind of a private person and I know I'm going to want a lot of peace and quiet esp since I'll be getting used to nursing.
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  #16  
June 20th, 2013, 08:27 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i think family at times doesn't know if it would be rude to leave or not. For example when your nursing. My ex-dh's brother was visiting and I needed to nurse and he sat there trying not to come unglued while my mother hid the goods since i wasn't experienced enough to be able to do both at once yet.
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  #17  
June 20th, 2013, 09:22 AM
Oriyan's Avatar Platinum Superdupermommy
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After my son was born, I got to my room around 1, showered and from 1:30 to about 7pm at night, people just kept COMING. Did everyone forget that I was just awake for 24 hours and in the past 48 hour I only got 6 hours of sleep? Apparently. I am SOOOOO glad that we will probably have zero visitors this time since no one lives in SC with us
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