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Im bummed today


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 24th, 2013, 04:17 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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So I don't have any family at all - my mom died when I was 17, my dad is dead but he's never been a part of my life anyway, and I haven't seen or heard from any of my aunts/uncles/cousins in about 2 years, except I ran in to my cousin once at a football game (that she told me she wasn't going to) in April and my uncle called me once in feb because he had to (I got some money from a law suit from my moms insurance and he controls my trust fund until I'm 30) but other than that, nada. (I'm an only child). This leaves my husbands parents as my kids only grandparents, his family really their only family.

So his brother was here this weekend and we were having dinner at their parents and it came up that we had an ultrasound on Friday. His mom asked if we found out what it was and Sam and I said yeah, and if she could guess we'd tell her. Sam joked and said "I'll give you a hint, Mom. We already have one!" And she was like "i really don't give a s--t what it is".
It really hurts my feelings because I feel like nobody is ever excited for us. My mom would be shopping and calling everyday dying to know. She was the absolute best. I've never had a baby shower or anything. I get so jealous of my friends with their moms on fb. My kids are their only grand kids so you'd think she would be a little excited, right?
I know his mom doesn't like me very much, especially in the last 2 weeks because I got in a huge fight with HER mom. And right after Hunter was born, Sam and I were on the total verge of divorce. If I could have afforded to leave, I would have. (We are so much better now. Things are actually pretty awesome between us) but his mom told him to kick me out and let me live on the streets. (I didn't do anything, I thought he cheated on me and she was furious that I confronted him. He didn't)

But I've just been down lately. Nobody from my family called, fb, texted, or even sent Hunter a birthday card, nobody acknowledged that I graduated nursing school, and now apparently his mom doesn't care at all about her third grandchild.

I'm just venting. I don't even know why, I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest and my BFF is in TN visiting her dad. Thanks for reading, sorry its so long!
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  #2  
June 24th, 2013, 05:14 PM
summerbaby1's Avatar Veteran
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Posts: 394
I'm sorry hon I hate it when family relationships are so messed up. I'm super blessed to have my parents and siblings and nephews. We don't always agree with each other but we do our best to get along and love each other. I wish I could say the same for extended family but it's not so. I have zero relationship or contact with anyone on my mom's side of the family and on my dad's side I have a few cousins that I love dearly but everyone else I'm like "meh". DF's family is about the same. His grandparents live in FL. I haven't met them yet but from what I observe his gma is verrrry controlling..and I can't stand control freaks. His dad isn't in the picture and he really has no relationship with other family besides his mom, grandparents, and an aunt and uncle. And you know when I think back to what caused the huge rift on my mom's side...it just seems so stupid and juvenile, I don't understand how ppl can be so petty and selfish.
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  #3  
June 24th, 2013, 05:42 PM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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I just don't even understand how people can act like that.

My mom is a PITA...she doesn't think we should have two and def wasn't thrilled about three...but she gets over it. And my inlaws would do anything for us.

I want to punch people like your inlaws. I am sorry.
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  #4  
June 24th, 2013, 05:51 PM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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((((Hugs)))) I'm sorry your DH's family isn't more supportive and happy for you. New babies are such a blessing and should be something the family gets excited about. I really don't understand some people/families.

Look on the bright side though - we're all happy and excited for you!
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  #5  
June 24th, 2013, 06:20 PM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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Is this the part where I tell you that people are jerks again? I feel like I say that a lot these days. I'm so sorry. Feeling like you have no support is bad enough when your hormones aren't all crazy, but it can be unbearable while pregnant.

There's something about being pregnant and having a new baby that makes the loss of someone who was close to us more palpable than normal. I had a really hard time after each of the girls were born when I wanted so badly to call my brother and tell him how awesome they are, but he's been gone 12 years.

Just my opinion: Her reasons for not liking you should NEVER include anything that has occurred in your relationship in the past. It was between you and him. Period. She had no business giving her 2 cents then, nor should it matter to her now because he has chosen to continue in a relationship with you and that should be good enough for her. END.OF.STORY. That part makes me want to punch her too.
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  #6  
June 24th, 2013, 06:26 PM
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Heartfelt {{hugs}} hon!! I can relate in some ways, since I have virtually no contact with my birth family (abusive) except for my brother who lives far away. DH's family is all we have in terms of extended family and they have their own set of issues. It's so hard when you'd like to just be able to pick up the phone and call your mom (especially to share all the pregnancy/baby stuff), I get it. I have my sad moments believe me, but then I try to focus on the family that I am creating. Someday I will be the mother to my daughter/s (and son/s) that I never had & so will you. It's funny how life works...for all the loss & sadness I've had in my past, God has replaced with the most wonderful DH & loving children. For what it's worth, we're here for you and will continue to share in your happiness for the new baby!
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  #7  
June 24th, 2013, 06:36 PM
Carrie
Join Date: Jun 2013
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I am really sorry you are feeling so down. I am only in the ttc phase, but I am pretty sure when I am expecting I will go through much the same thing. My mom passed away in 2007. My dad, my grandmother and I are pretty close, but it seems like the rest of my family only calls if they have too (like needing a babysitter or to borrow money). My brother is the absolute worst about that and he only lives four blocks away. As far as my family on my mother's side, I have not talked to many of them since shortly after she passed away. Essentially, they are too busy trying to keep up with the Jones and spending money to care about anyone else. They were not even at my wedding.

As far as DH's family, things before the wedding were a little tense, but seem to have calmed down a bit. However, they are not touchy-feely or overly emotional about anything. They are good people, but there are times I still feel like they wish my husband would have married someone else.

Being a somewhat emotional person anyway, I am sure my mood swings during pregnancy will be even worse.

Have you thought about starting a journal for the baby? You could channel some emotion into it and it might help. You could maybe write stories about your mom to pass along to the next generation. Perhaps reliving some of the good times you had with her or while you were growing up can distract you for the things that bring you down.

I just hope you get to feeling better soon though.
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  #8  
June 24th, 2013, 06:37 PM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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(((((Chica and everyone else))))) Funny to read this now~just got off of the phone with my Aunt, and we were discussing kinda the same thing. Sometimes I wanna share, but it's hard to know who to feel safe sharing with. Maybe we need a private group! LOL!

I'm so sorry. And again, we will create a better family for our children and those to come.
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  #9  
June 24th, 2013, 06:53 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My MIL has the most insatiable need to be the center of attention - once, she locked herself in a bedroom with Brylie when she was a baby while she was SCREAMING because she wanted to nurse - in front of Sam's entire family. They all think she's looney, and i was hysterical (Sam wasnt there, he was outside in the shop with his brother helping him with his car) so finally Sam's uncle got the hinges off the door and got Brylie for me. And she says horrid things like "Im SO happy your mom is dead so I don't have to share grandma duty" and Brylie's mn is ann, as was my mom's mn, and his mom is JoAnn, and she sent out a letter telling me how offended she was when i didnt use her whole name to honor her first grandchild (she sent copies of the letters to sam's entire family to make me look like a huge jerk)..she's really unstable and needs medicated, but that will never happen. she does anything to be the center of attention, including SCREAMING at the top of her lungs, when normal conversation decibles are perfectly appropriate. She's just strange. And she's threatened by me because "her baby has another woman in his life" (Sam's the middle, but the only one who is married and the only one with kids, and he's the only one who helps on the family farm..he's always been her favorite)

i appreciate all the hugs....i hate talking to some of my friends about it, because I dont want to judge sam, because he has nothing to do with it. He always sides with me, supports me, and advocates for his family....


I adore most of Sam's dad's side of the family - especially his aunt and uncle in chicago. they are my surro mommy and daddy they are hunter's godparents, too love them
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  #10  
June 24th, 2013, 07:12 PM
blakesgirl09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry sweetie. I have family issues too and truly hate that others have to feel similar pain.

Nobody has the right to judge your husband so please don't feel that you can't say the things you need to say.

(((((HUGS)))))
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  #11  
June 24th, 2013, 07:16 PM
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I always say it is hard marrying a man with a crazy mother and a sister. Crazy mothers never let an opportunity pass without making a stupid comment when they can, and men with sisters, I find the mother always treats the sisters kids better.
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  #12  
June 24th, 2013, 07:18 PM
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Man I am so sorry you have such an unsupportive MIL! That's awful. I did not lose my mom, but we are not very close at all. She has some major problems. I always long for a mother that can never be and being pregnant makes me long for it more.

Also let me just say that I agree with some of the others and would totally feel like punching MIL too! We are all here for you and can relate to feeling alone at times(((hugs)))Babies are always a gift no matter what others think....
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  #13  
June 24th, 2013, 07:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicaChels View Post
My MIL has the most insatiable need to be the center of attention - once, she locked herself in a bedroom with Brylie when she was a baby while she was SCREAMING because she wanted to nurse
Gaaah!! She sounds horrid and similar to my former MIL. My heart goes out to you hon, crazy in-law's can be so stressful on a marriage. At least your DH is fully supportive.
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  #14  
June 24th, 2013, 07:41 PM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicaChels View Post
And she says horrid things like "Im SO happy your mom is dead so I don't have to share grandma duty"
I read the whole thread and it made me sad that your MIL is acting this way, but oh nooooooooooo this comment made me wanna rage.

I'm sure she didn't mean to be nasty, but theres some things you just don't say.

I can relate, my mother died when I was 14 and I feel like I need her more then ever.. especially when I had to diig and ask my aunt about my moms pregnancies.

I do take comfort in knowing shes one of the angels keeping my baby safe until its time for there grand premiere into the world. So I feel like she already knows my baby.. maybe that was corny, but it gets me through the rough days.
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  #15  
June 24th, 2013, 07:48 PM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Doooooouble post
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2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
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  #16  
June 24th, 2013, 07:49 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lily26 View Post
I read the whole thread and it made me sad that your MIL is acting this way, but oh nooooooooooo this comment made me wanna rage.

I'm sure she didn't mean to be nasty, but theres some things you just don't say.

I can relate, my mother died when I was 14 and I feel like I need her more then ever.. especially when I had to diig and ask my aunt about my moms pregnancies.

I do take comfort in knowing shes one of the angels keeping my baby safe until its time for there grand premiere into the world. So I feel like she already knows my baby.. maybe that was corny, but it gets me through the rough days.
I'm so sorry about your momma. It's awful, loosing your mom as a teenager - when you think you DONT need them because you already know everything, then you get out in to this big bad world and sit down and think "I want my mommy!!"

I missed her some right after she died, I missed her a lot when I got married - I miss her in ways I never thought imaginable as a mother. I look at my kids and I think "Wow my mom would so want to be a part of your life" ... but i think she is. Brylie has told me grandma hootie comes to visit her (Her friends at work called her hootie because she was very smart (like an owl) and it sounds somewhat like Judy) and i NEVER mentioned hootie to anyone - not even my husband.


and that comment about my mom being dead? tip of the iceberg from my MIL.
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  #17  
June 24th, 2013, 09:00 PM
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(((Hugs))) we have horrible family issues as well. They can really take a toll on a relationship. I was raised by my grandparents and gma died when I was 17. I thought I was loosing my mind. I almost failed my senior year of high school because of severe depression and anxiety that no one got me help for. My mom and I do not have a close relationship and I don't think she will ever decide to grow up and be a gramma like she should want to. She has a lot of issues. SO parents are both dead. So my kids only have my grampa who is my dad for every purpose.he doesn't know about new baby yet because he gets angry with each pregnancy. He always loves them when they get here though.
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  #18  
June 24th, 2013, 09:05 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We've almost divorced simply because of his mom - he hasn't always been the defender he is now. He tends to be a bit of a doormat with his parents, so yes family can definitely influence/affect relationships.


im sorry about your dad
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  #19  
June 24th, 2013, 09:08 PM
bajars2531's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Big, big hugs!! I so know how you feel. My mom died this last Dec and this whole being pregnant without your mom thing really sucks. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to pick up the phone to call her before I remember I cannot. My MIL is going to be busy with DH's cousin (who calls dh's mom her mom as her bio mom is a drugged out loser who never cared about her) because she is having a baby Dec 11ish. Our due dates our less than a week apart. So it's the same thing here--no one gives a flying rats a** about our pregnancy. It sucks and it makes not having your own mom that much harder. I am sorry you are having a hard time, family dynamics can be so very hard. Feel free to pm me any time
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  #20  
June 24th, 2013, 10:05 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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ACK!! I have nothing really to add. I'm sorry you've had such horrible things said to you!
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