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weighing on my heart....


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 24th, 2013, 08:09 PM
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Last edited by mommaof5girls; June 25th, 2013 at 10:48 AM.
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  #2  
June 24th, 2013, 08:31 PM
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wow that is incredible! it gave me goosebumps thanks for sharing
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  #3  
June 24th, 2013, 08:32 PM
CA-mommy-to-be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree. All this talk about genetic testing has led me to think about all the things that could go wrong beyond my control. That said, there is something about testing either to gain peace of mind or to grant time to reflect on a challenge ahead.

It is great to have an way to connect to others going through the same emotional journey. Whatever the outcome, we've all started down this path and are hoping for the best possible futures for the little ones to come.
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  #4  
June 24th, 2013, 10:24 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Unfortunately, in my personal experience, those with bad test results were because the baby actually had issues. Several of them, because they knew early, the baby was able to get very specialized care that minimized the issues as much as possible. My best friend's sister's son has spina bifida, and they were able to deliver him early in a specialized hospital and get him right into surgery, and that is quite possible the reason he is able to walk now, as opposed to being wheelchair bound.

So I guess it depends the person and their experience. I get testing because knowing early can change quite a bit for the baby and their quality of life. Would I worry if the tests came back anything but normal? Heck, yeah. But I've already had one perfectly healthy baby die, so I worry anyway.
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  #5  
June 25th, 2013, 03:47 AM
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Personally I get tested so I know what I'm up against in case something is wrong. I don't get super stressed about it. I just want to know if there is a problem so I can prepare myself before birth. I really see nothing wrong with it. I'd want to know beforehand rather than be surprised about it at the birth. I have a co-worker who is young, very fit, very healthy who discovered that her baby had a heart defect during her anatomy u/s. Luckily they were able to find this and prepare themselves before the birth. The monitored her closely the rest of her pregnancy and delivered baby early via c-section in order to do surgery on him shortly after birth. He is now a healthy and happy 21 month old. This is exactly why I need to know what is up before my baby is born. I really don't see how it's anyone's business other than the parents whether or not someone gets prenatal testing done. Why get upset over OTHER people doing it? If you don't want to get tested, don't. Don't worry about those of us who do.
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  #6  
June 25th, 2013, 05:49 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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I don't think she meant to set anyone's panties in a twist. It was something she felt she needed to share and if you didn't want to take the advice you were free to put it in one ear and out the other. She didn't condemn anyone who does the testing.
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  #7  
June 25th, 2013, 05:53 AM
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Panties are not in a twist, I just don't see the point of getting upset or feeling bad because others get testing done. I find it odd.
I didn't see any advice, I saw an anecdote and idk some sort of bad feelings about the number of ppl getting testing done. I'm not quite sure how other ppl getting testing done weighs on someone else's heart. Testing doesn't always equal I plan on aborting a sick baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by swade66 View Post
I don't think she meant to set anyone's panties in a twist. It was something she felt she needed to share and if you didn't want to take the advice you were free to put it in one ear and out the other. She didn't condemn anyone who does the testing.
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Last edited by kara74; June 25th, 2013 at 05:58 AM.
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  #8  
June 25th, 2013, 05:54 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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As for myself...at this point I decline the testing. There are a few reasons. I am in Pittsburgh and have access to an amazing Children's Hospital. The other major reason is that I wouldn't want pressure to abort from family and my doctor. I have seen that happen and I just don't care to go through that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kara74 View Post
Panties are not in a twist, I just don't see the point of getting upset or feeling bad because others get testing done. I find it odd.
Ok.
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  #9  
June 25th, 2013, 06:33 AM
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Forgive me for being the odd one. I simply have great compassion for those with bad results and I think about them a lot. When I was still at work I worried about the students and tended to bring that home with me as well. It is just who I am. But if everyone will notice I said nothing bad about testing at all. What I actually said was that I was getting older myself and was going to talk to my Dr about it. I am wondering if I should be tested so we can also be prepared. I only felt compelled to share a hopeful story amidst all the tragic ones. Afterall that is all we have in this life is hope. I remember looking at her and thinking how perfect she was after the horrible pregnancy they had. And no I don't know why or how that happened but I saw it and have always remembered.
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  #10  
June 25th, 2013, 07:29 AM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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To be fair, you did mention testing...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaof3girls View Post
Forgive me for being the odd one. I simply have great compassion for those with bad results and I think about them a lot. When I was still at work I worried about the students and tended to bring that home with me as well. It is just who I am. But if everyone will notice I said nothing bad about testing at all. What I actually said was that I was getting older myself and was going to talk to my Dr about it. I am wondering if I should be tested so we can also be prepared. I only felt compelled to share a hopeful story amidst all the tragic ones. Afterall that is all we have in this life is hope. I remember looking at her and thinking how perfect she was after the horrible pregnancy they had. And no I don't know why or how that happened but I saw it and have always remembered.
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  #11  
June 25th, 2013, 07:33 AM
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I knew someone who had positive test results more than once and refused to abort and went on to have a wonderfully healthy baby girl. Most of the time though the tests are correct. And it's a great tool for people who want/need to know. It's not an easy situation when you have other children to deal with it affects a whole family. I get things weighing heavy on you but you will stress yourself to death if things that don't have any direct impact on your life bother you so much.

As for me, testing was a definite. I like knowing. Everyone who gets testing knows there is a chance of a false positive. It's a chance we take.
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  #12  
June 25th, 2013, 08:04 AM
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to be fair??? I didn't deny mentioning testing. That is what my post concerned. I didnt say anything bad about it. I said I would be talking to my Dr about it as well.
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  #13  
June 25th, 2013, 08:16 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So are you worried about getting tested yourself? Is that what is bothering you? It sounded like you were worried about people in the DDC getting tested. Of course it's heartbreaking when others get positive test results for Downs or what have you. I think we all have empathy for the ladies who have gone through that. Worrying too much about it is not good. I get being concerned about getting tested yourself and wondering what the outcome will be. I think everyone who gets tested is at least a little concerned. You can't let it consume you.
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  #14  
June 25th, 2013, 08:22 AM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sorry! I read that wrong. I thought you said you "said nothing about testing at all". I missed the word "bad."

In my defense, I had a 17 month old crawling all over me trying to snatch my iPad at the time.
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  #15  
June 25th, 2013, 08:31 AM
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I think in general, the tones of these kinds of posts are hard to determine from text alone. While in reading it back, I can see why someone might be offended by your post and why someone might take comfort from it. There is a certain amount of negative connotation (and possibly perceived judgment) in the first few sentences, whether intended or not.

Considering all the controversy and craziness we've already had about this kind of testing (which you may or may not have been present for), we should probably take it as an indication that people are emotionally involved and highly charged about it. Perhaps this is a subject that needs to be put to rest. Some of the girls may only have this place to talk about these things. I don't want them to feel like they're being judged and avoid posting about their decisions to test here. This is supposed to be a place of support where others have little. Let's keep it that way.

Anecdotal evidence is always dangerous when taken by itself. Everyone knows a person that has defied the odds in something, but statistically it's not the rule. I'm sure you were intending to give comfort and strength, but in the same light it could give false hope.
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Last edited by feythful; June 25th, 2013 at 08:43 AM.
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  #16  
June 25th, 2013, 08:36 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I still think those of us in the minority of not testing are still just trying to find some commonalities. Pregnancy (well, WOMANHOOD! LOL!) is a time of needing a great support system, and it's not easy feeling like the odd man out. I am in no way upset that others are testing, however there is so much about it that sometimes I have moments of feeling alone in my convictions. This is NOT a sob story!!! I don't feel intentionally left out or that this is a cruel board or that I want to leave or anything, I just think that's why sometimes these threads are out there.
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  #17  
June 25th, 2013, 08:37 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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So since we had one sensitive situation we should refrain from all talk about testing? Or questions about testing being right for someone?

If we have one bad circ should we then also ban all circ talking? If there is a bad c-section experience should we then expect to be questioned if we post about a positive one?

I get people are all tied up over this but for how long does it rule the rest of the DDC?

There was nothing unsupportive about the OP. I just don't get it.
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  #18  
June 25th, 2013, 08:47 AM
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Discussing whatever is fine, IMO. I don't think we should stop discussing things, I just think that sometimes tone or intention is misconstrued through text alone, like feythful mentioned.

I'll admit, I completely misconstrued the intention of the OP and for that I apologize.
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  #19  
June 25th, 2013, 08:49 AM
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I think you don't get it because you took it in the spirit it was posted, while others didn't. I explained in the post above why it could have been perceived as being unsupportive, even if in spirit it was not.

I guess if you'd like to continue the conversation, you're more than welcome to. I never said it couldn't be discussed, it was merely a suggestion. Especially since I think we all have a pretty good idea about who is going to have what response to the question. I can pretty much tell you who's going to perceive it poorly, who is going to jump to other's defenses, who will take it in the kind spirit it was written, and who will defend the person's right to express this opinion. It's not like it's been barely discussed at all. I feel like this is the 4th or 5th thread we might have had like this, although it may have been significantly fewer, it sometimes feels like 10 or more with all the emotions it's stirred.
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  #20  
June 25th, 2013, 08:54 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Here is the issue. If we keep having people jumped all over because the reader didn't sit back and think about what was posted before jumping to conclusions then we aren't going to have anyone left in the DDC. That's all I am saying.
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