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Forum: December 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By feythful
  • 1 Post By eilla05

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July 8th, 2013, 03:47 AM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,071
I debated about posting this... because a few of the threads I've started aren't entirely happy.
To be honest, I can't really find a forum/ or a friend (s) to openly talk about this with, so sorry for dumping on you ladies.

I guess I just want someone to tell me that they can relate, and eveything will be ok. I don't know.

I haven't been on here alot, well not enough to check everyones updates and new threads because I was away out of town. Also because I've been feeling really numb and disconnected with this baby. At first I was so love with it, and had all these hopes and dreams of how everything would be, but now... i feel nothiing. I feel guilty that for the last 2 years I wanted a baby so bad, and that I had all the love to give.

In a way, I almost feel like I can't relate anymore. I keep hoping that when we have our big u/s with the gender and stuff that maybe then I will be happy.

my depression is worsening, to the point where I am trying to force suicidal thoughts out of my head. I am going to try to get in with my doctor tommorow, i've been trying so hard to think positive...and try to change my thought process.
I kinda worry what admiting this to a doctor where it will go from here, but I know I need professional help.

I learned that depression and mental illness runs in my mothers side of the family. It's one of those unspoken about things thats affected at least one person in every family on that side *noone is open about it though*. I only found out after I asked enough questions when I was out of town. I am a little resentful towards everyone, because maybe if this was spoken about years ago, I would have never gotten to the point where I assumed my feelings were just normal.. but the past is the past is the past.

Sorry for venting once again.

Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.

Last edited by lily26; July 8th, 2013 at 03:50 AM.
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July 8th, 2013, 04:54 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,032
I'm so glad too "see" you, as you have been on my heart! We are here for you, so please don't stop sharing!!!!! I know last week I was DYING for someone to talk to, but I didn't feel comfortable doing it all out in the open (due to the possibility of it being found by the subject). Had there been a private forum, y'all would've gotten an earful! LOLOL!

Have you always struggled with depression? I ask, because I am naturally a Pollyanna. BUT I have had a couple of pregnancies with hormone-induced depression. Thankfully, it all dissipated IMMEDIATELY after birth.

I'm glad you'll be seeing your doc. I'm glad you've shared that you're struggling. I'm not happy you're having such a hard time, but I do so want to encourage you and make you smile in any way I can! I don't know enough to offer advice, but I've always got an ear to bend! AND if you were not here, I'd feel the loss greatly....
More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!~ Mrs. James Hendry

I'm a Mary in a world of Marthas~Carol Barnier

I think you are too kind. Kind people give the people around them a hard time. You can't express yourself honestly, because you are worried about hurting other people's feelings, and that makes you miserable.~"Winter Sonata"
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July 8th, 2013, 05:01 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,721
So sorry you a going through a rough time, but am glad you are seeking help. We are are here if you need to "talk" and will try to help you through your dark times(((hugs)))
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July 8th, 2013, 05:05 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,923
For sure, please get into a doctor. There has to be something they can do. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
NCRG2010 likes this.
Wife to sweet husband Jeff and mother to 2 beautiful girls: Emily (2) and Jocelyn (1).

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July 8th, 2013, 05:14 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 4,719
I am glad you are seeing a Dr today because otherwise I would tell you that you needed to see one YESTERDAY. Thoughts of suicide are nothing to keep to yourself.

Just remember, this is NOT your fault. Especially during pregnancy our hormones are all over the place. Which can put our emotions through the ringer. I had anxiety and depression problems during my first pregnancy. I remember having panic attacks just wanting the baby out of my body NOW but I wanted him to be safe too. Pregnancy at times can make me feel trapped in my own body. I've had one attack so far this pregnancy.

My last pregnancy I was married to an awful person who enjoyed pushing my buttons. It got to the point where the weighting of medication during pregnancy was safer for the baby and I then not taking anything. It made a big difference and my last month of pregnancy was so much more peaceful.

Please KUP with what your dr says. And please don't feel guilty. As you start feeling movement everyday and get to see the ultrasound you will connect more with your baby.
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July 8th, 2013, 07:32 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
I agree! There is such a chemical shift, that it's quite common for chemical depression to occur during pregnancy, and there ARE meds you can take to help balance everything out and help you to feel yourself once again. It may take a little trial and error in the beginning to find the right med with the right dosage that's safe in pregnancy, but you will probably be amazed at how it helps.

Tell your doc everything about what you are experiencing. Don't downplay it. It's nothing to mess around with, especially when you have family history AND the added oomph of hormonal imbalances from pregnancy. Your doc should be caring and understanding and there for YOU!

((HUGS)) We're here to vent and listen and support, too.
Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles

Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
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July 8th, 2013, 09:54 AM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 918
I won't elaborate on how bad it has been but I have had horrible depression with this pregnancy. I have a counselor I have seen for years and talking with her helps but it is getting to the point where I need weekly appointments. Honestly the only reason I do not have thoughts of suicide is because I have two other children to take care of and I could never leave them.

I'm glad you are going to talk to your doctor about it and hope you know that you are not alone. Pregnancy messes with so many hormones and if you feel guilt about the depression it just spirals out of control. I hope you start feeling better soon.

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July 8th, 2013, 10:17 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: I'm a husker girl :)
Posts: 16,335
oh sweet lily, please dont feel "isolated" because you arent connected with your baby yet. I will tell you, sweet momma, that it is completely normal! I know it seems overwhelming when everyone is so lovey dovey, woo hoo im having a baby...but I bet more mommas feel disconnected than you will ever truly know! I can tell you, in my own experience, the only fetus I ever felt connected to was my first. With Hunter, I assumed it was because I was so focused on savoring my last few months with just Brylie..but with this one, I think I just can't connect until I see them. I have no idea why, but I know that when the baby gets here, you will connect in ways you never dreamt possible!

I think the best thing you can do right now is to talk to your Dr. and I am so proud of you for taking that step. You always have us to talk to. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you. You can PM me anytime if you need someone to vent to sweet girl

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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July 8th, 2013, 10:29 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,389
You are definitely not alone, lily. I have also struggled with depression and apathetic feelings during this pregnancy. I am also prone to depression even when I'm not pregnant. I'm glad you have decided to see a doctor about the depression. I hope he/she is able to give you something to help you. I got PPD after DD was born and I was ashamed to admit it even to my OB. I was supposed to be happy but I wasn't. I finally gave in and found a therapist several months after she was born when it became obvious that without help the PPD would only become more crippling. Don't ever feel guilty or ashamed to share your feelings. Again, I am very glad you are seeking out help. ((((hugs))))

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July 8th, 2013, 06:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 4,694
Depression is so normal during pregnancy. Please please please get help! Go see your dr.
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July 8th, 2013, 10:14 PM
BoyerMom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 543
Just know you are not alone. I have struggled with depression since I was a child, but have felt that during the times I have been pregnant it was a lot more up and down than steady. For me it was almost worse after my son was born, but I was also going through some personal things. I am not currently with a counselor, but I am staying on my meds because I feel it would be more harmful trying to do it alone.

It definitely runs in my family, but for most it isn't such a major part of their life. Just think of that sweet baby you are growing and know that things will get better. I think having my son honestly saved my life. Those sweet moments I have with him make up for any crappy day I have had.

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July 24th, 2013, 03:27 AM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,071
Thanks ladies for being honest and sharing your stories and thanks to those that gave their support and loving words

Anyways, I kept meaning to update this but after reading through all the other threads didn't have time.

I went to my GP doctor who seemed a little distant, I know whatever it's there job to see people daily and they were a little busy. I only really ended up getting to say I've struggled with this alone for a really long time and it seems to have worsened 10 fold during my pregnancy. Before I was told they don't like to treat that with medication, and that this is a problem that I should be talking to my ob about. I tried to explained that my ob was uninterested but he kept pushing thats who i really need to talk to.

Then he said to take 2,000 mg of vitamin d (2 pills a day) because people apparently swear by this (they say its the equivalent of anti-depressants.)

So I don't know, I didn't feel entirely better about myself. my next ob appointment isnt until the 29th *it was supposed to the 4th but I was stuck in another province, so they rescheduled me for the 29th*

I can't help but feel like everyone isn't takiing this seriously. If my ob, tries to push this off again, do I start looking for another doctor..or i'm not sure??

Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.
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July 24th, 2013, 06:01 AM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 8,999
I'm not sure how the medical system works, but can you get into see a psychiatrist? Some OBs have no problem prescribing antidepression stuff, from what I've read, but a psych definitely would...and they know what ones are safe during pregnancy.

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July 24th, 2013, 06:15 AM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,071
Thanks Julie.

I looked into that awhile ago. I've seen a psychologist in the past because I used to always want to resolve this issue naturally.. and the psychologist I saw was a natrupathic one. I can't seem to fit her in my budget anymore.

Anyways there is a huge push in Canada to make more people aware of mental illness. At least they say..I contacted the mental health department back in febuary and explained everything to them. The normal process is you have to be referred to psychiatrist by a doctor. (they are part of the medical service plan). I told them that I was having a hell of a time being taken seriously, and from there response it sounded like they've heard that one before. They gave me a few options, one was out of pocket therapy and the other was group thearpy at the hospital.

Anyways, i'll try to keep taking the vitamin D and see what my ob says.

Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.
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July 24th, 2013, 07:46 AM
monkeymama2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Suburbs of Chicago
Posts: 1,922
I get PPD after each baby, which I treat with zoloft. Works wonders for me, and I don't have to take it long. With my first pregnancy I had depression early on but didn't realize it. With my third, it hit HARD at the end of the second trimester. It was winter, my kids were sick constantly and then I was feeling very off. It was horrible. I was not myself and I didn't know what to do. I could barely even eat (SO not like me). My OB was very sympathetic. He didn't want me to do meds if possible so he recommended therapy. I went every week or 2 until my daughter was about 2 weeks old. It really helped me.

My mom actually started taking antidepressants about a year ago. It wasn't horrible for her but the meds have made a huge difference. My brother had taken them for awhile too. So I think it's in my family too, and luckily for me it's only pregnancy and childbirth that is a trigger.

My OB already mentions at every appointment that he will give me the zoloft before I deliver so I can take it right away, no messing around.

It sounds to me like you feel this is serious. If your OB isn't dealing with it the way you want, then you should definitely look elsewhere. I am surprised because any time I have mentioned PPD to doctors they instantly take me seriously. When I first suspected I had it, when my oldest was about 3 wks old, I called our GP (who is both my dr and kids pediatrician), said "I think I have PPD" and they said "come in right away".

Please keep pushing for help. Of all people, right now your OB should be able to help you deal with this. Good luck!!
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July 24th, 2013, 10:00 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,389
Your OB should definitely know how to treat this. You can't be the first pregnant woman he/she has seen that is suffering from depression either during pregnancy or afterwards.

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July 24th, 2013, 03:15 PM
Expecting our 1st and 2nd
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 983
I would talk to your OB and look into seeing a psychotherapist. I've suffered with anxiety and depression for about 10 years and tried several psychologists and psychiatrists and was on different meds for years. I've been seeing a psychotherapist for about a year now and she has really helped me. We did a lot of work with EMDR (which is not safe for pregnancy) and she is very anti-medication. Getting to the root of the problem (past trauma) has really helped me, as well as taking a daily inventory and giving myself a pat on the back for the small things I accomplish throughout the day. I hope you feel better soon, this should be the most wonderful time of your life. Hugs!
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July 24th, 2013, 08:56 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,007
If your OB doesn't take you seriously and your standard doctor doesn't either I would for sure find a psychotherapist who would then recommend you for a psychiatrist who can prescribe you medication if it is needed and it sounds like it is.

Psychotherapy can also do wonders for you and if you are having trouble affording it call a few agencies (not private practice ones) and ask if they have interns that see clients pro bono. As a therapist intern I see all clients pro bono and I have seen a range of clients this way. Most therapy agencies take on interns and that is how we get our experience. If you need some help with this let me know I would be glad to help you.
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