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Need to get this off my chest...


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By redbirds
  • 3 Post By hugssandi
  • 2 Post By ImVictorious
  • 1 Post By Eleanor-Abigail
  • 1 Post By n8tsmomma
  • 1 Post By feythful
  • 1 Post By lily26
  • 1 Post By blakesgirl09
  • 1 Post By swade66

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  #1  
July 23rd, 2013, 07:39 PM
summerbaby1's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 394
So I haven't been on in the past few days because life has been pretty crazy. Last weekend an old friend of mine (that I remember when she was in diapers -she's 18 now) asked if I could give her a ride because her car was broke down. I offered to give her rides to work when I'm not working since her job is just a few minutes from my house. She has a 6 month old baby boy and is a single mom. She's working 2 part time jobs and just got a full time job in addition.
Long story short, her roomates are total jerks and kicked her out at 2 oclock in the morning because she was working late and they assumed she was was out partying and didn't want to leave the door open for her. (I can vouch for her that she was not out partying). So she has no where to go, her parents live 2 hrs away and she doesn't have a great relationship with them so I offered for her and her lil one to stay at our place for a while. I'm not taking any money to babysit him or anything, for one she's a friend of mine and for another she's struggling to make ends meet and I understand this all too well.
Fast forward and I'm talking to my mom about it tonight on the phone....she doesn't make much comment but then calls me back after we hung up to express her "concern" about the current situation and how she thinks I'm being used and so on and so forth.
What really ticked me off is she kept bringing up that she's a single mom and that me and Jason aren't married and how we still live in this crappy neighborhood. And she says "well why can't this girl just go somewhere else?" What relevance is it that I'm not married and neither is she, other than that it bothers her personally???



I just told her..everyone wants to say I have problems but no one can come up with any solutions, and no one appreciates that we are doing our best to make a better life for us and our child. My choices are always poor in her eyes and in the eyes of my family, when no one is able to really understand the situation because they're not in my shoes.
I don't know all the ways my family has helped others and I don't choose to judge them based on that but I really wish she would stop saying things like "you need to get your own ducks in row before you try to rescue everyone else". I understand where she is coming from but at the same time, I can't be so cold as to let a young mom and her son sleep in the car, esp. when she's my friend and we have room to spare. No matter how poor I am, how little I may have, there is always someone who would be grateful to have what I have and is a much worse situation.
This just bothers me because my family all claims to be Christians (and I'm not saying they aren't, and God knows I'm not perfect) but really? I mean what would Jesus have done? What's more, what's the right, decent, compassionate thing to do in this case? I don't think it's what my mom would choose in this situation.

I just don't understand why my family feels it necessary to look down on me or others, maybe without meaning to but that's certainly how it comes across.
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  #2  
July 23rd, 2013, 08:00 PM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
One word for you AND your mom (although it means different results for each of you): Karma. Jeez. It's too bad your mom isn't more understanding of the situation, or that her family can't help her along a little more in this transition. Good things will come your way for opening your door and heart to her and her son. It may not be immediate, but just know this probably isn't one act alone. For someone to do this, they tend to have a lifetime of examples of kindness and consideration, and eventually, this leads to great things. If nothing else, your children will learn these traits and may continue this legacy on as they succeed in life.

I hope your friends' situation does better itself and she appreciates all you are doing to help her through it!
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  #3  
July 23rd, 2013, 08:21 PM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,033
Just know that THIS Christian lady thinks YOU'RE AWESOMENESS, Summerbaby!!!!!
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  #4  
July 23rd, 2013, 08:29 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 724
Maybe you could just refrain from speaking to her about these type of things. It's your home and you pay the bills (along with DH). She shouldn't have a say as to what you do and whom you have in your home. You are doing what's right in your heart, no need to explain to folks.
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  #5  
July 23rd, 2013, 08:33 PM
Eleanor-Abigail's Avatar Keep Calm and Baby Dance
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 378
That is so neat that you're still close to a friend from babyhood!

What would Jesus have done? Well, I don't know, but I *think* he would have given her and her child whatever clothes and food he had. Isn't that what the innkeeper did for Jesus? (Edit: ok it was shelter not food & clothes, but whatever. You get my point I hope.)

Your friend is in a precarious position - someone has to be there for her little guy! I think it's perfectly reasonable for your mom to be concerned that you're not being taken advantage of, but it sounds like you're just being a friend.

I think in years/centuries past, we would have had our children looked after by an extended network of family & friends, and we would do the same for theirs. It's only in the last century or two that we're living in these isolated communities.

OK: sorry for the rambling. I'm not even a member of this DDC. I just saw the subject line, read it, and had to comment.

I hope all works out well for you and your friend.
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Last edited by Eleanor-Abigail; July 23rd, 2013 at 08:38 PM. Reason: Edit to show I've at least glanced at the Gospels. :)
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  #6  
July 23rd, 2013, 08:40 PM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 918
As a someone who decided to be a single mom and went through a very rough couple years I think it is amazing for you to help out your friend. I was lucky to have a couple single mom friends that needed help too and we could live together for about two years until I got my current job. You know in your heart what your doing is right and that is all that matters.
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  #7  
July 24th, 2013, 05:29 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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What you choose to do in your home is not her business unless she's paying the bills for you.
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  #8  
July 24th, 2013, 06:57 AM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,071
Argh, family sometimes!!

I have to say you are QUITE an amazing woman!

aren't we supposed to just love everyone the same regardless of their situation, and that it's not on us to to judge? As a newer christian, this is the one that I took away from the religion.. i wish this what all christians took away and followed.

This personally, is why I don't tell my own family the hardships in my life.. or the hardships in others.. I really can't stand others opinion especially when you are doing the right thing but they can't see that.

I'm sure you're mother is just worried, but she's just not communicating it the right way.
I hope she sees that you are doing an amazing thing for another human being and a baby.
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  #9  
July 24th, 2013, 07:30 AM
blakesgirl09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Texas
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I think what you are doing is wonderful!! Don't let anybody, not even your family, discourage you.
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  #10  
July 24th, 2013, 07:44 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Location: Sewickley, PA
Posts: 39,230
I think you are doing the right thing. I am sure this means the world to your friend.
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