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An emotional Wreck.

Forum: 2014 Playroom


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July 24th, 2013, 01:52 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2,671
Ladies, I need some support. Everything is normal and healthy so far with my rainbow baby but I am still somehow an emotional wreck. I am sorry this is long.

Everything today was so overwhelming. My emotions were taking a toll today. I was happy and then crying in sadness back to back. I am trying to stay positive but it seemed after my good day at the appointment everything decided to hit me and cause stress, sadness and more. I am a emotional wreck right now. I can't even be happy with this pregnancy because I am so scared I will lose it and etc.

I guess me finding out that I am pregnant the same month that I lost my first a year ago is really taking a toll of me. After I lost my first baby.. I cried all the time. I was depressed and didn't want to try again. It was a painful and emotion experience for me. This month last year, was a complete nightmare. All I wanted was my baby. A couple months down the road, I found out I was pregnant again.. I was so happy and then it was taking away from me. I felt like I was being punishment. I cried and was depressed. All I wanted in the world was to become a mother. I then began to realize and come more closer to God that things happen for a reason and it will happen when the time is right. I have done support groups, getting support from family and friends, everything to help me cope and grieve emotionally. I finally began to feel okay. I still cried here and there but I was coping much better than I was before. I was letting nature take it's course. And thinking positive. And then unexpectedly I found out I was pregnant again. I was excited at first and now honestly. I am completely scared out of my mind.

Since I have had losses before. It has changed my world completely and I am so scared I will lose another one. Every little symptom.. I get so worried. At my appointment today, every was normal and healthy... I was so happy but the miscarriage rates and everything.. since I have lost before. I am so worried with this one.

Today I have been so sick. Stomach pain.... cramping... nauseous..My breast feels like there on fire sometimes and they hurt really bad. I just want everything to be okay with my rainbow baby.

My Ovulation Chart

<3 I am missing my sweet baby angels so much. My love for them all will never fade. <3

First M/C loss- 7/8 weeks
Second M/C loss- 4-5 weeks(Chemical)
Third M/C loss- 9 weeks and 4 days
Fourth M/C loss- 10 weeks
Fifth M/C Chemical loss - Late May/ Early June (Chemical Pregnancy/2015)
Sixth Missed Miscarriage @ 18 weeks, Delivered our sweet baby boy Nolan on November 1st at 11:46pm.

~No one else will never know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart feels like on the inside~
<3 Praying and Hoping that my partner and I will be blessed with our miracle soon. <3
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July 24th, 2013, 03:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,325
I'm sorry you're going through so much, and so many feelings. ((Hugs))

There is also a pregnancy and Motherhood after a Loss board, you may get more insight there.

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July 24th, 2013, 04:22 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 397
Pixie, I kinda know what you're going through... I realize I will not have 1 moment of true happiness during this whole pregnancy, and that scares me a lot! There are simply no guarantees! I am terrified of the actual delivery day, because I know having everything normal and perfect during pregnancy is no guarantee of a baby in my arms at the end!
I never changed a diaper. I never breastfed. I never even held him.
The thought of having this new baby go to NICU scares me more than anything.
BUT, I do realize hormones are pretty good in making bad things even worse.
And I do realize there is no other way for me to become a mother.
And I do realize odds are things will go alright.
So I just try not to blame myself for the sad/scared out of my mind feelings I have. And I try to remember I was longing for this pregnancy.
And of course, I always remember my baby boy in heaven will probably be very happy when I get to calm my heart w/his sister/brother in my arms.
Hang in there! There is no other way to fulfill our dreams!
I am positive we CAN do it!

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July 24th, 2013, 05:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
I'm sorry I know how hard being pregnant is after a loss. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but it doesn't. I've spent every pregnancy worrying the same would happen again. It's to where I almost don't even get attached to the idea I'm pregnant until I'm much further along, except this time I guess I do feel a little more relaxed which scares me more. We are all here for you anytime you want to talk about it. Hugs to you.
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July 24th, 2013, 06:04 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,409
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how hard a pregnancy after a loss is. I just try to take it one day at a time and try not to constantly worry. i know easier said than done.

here is a link to the Pregnancy after loss board
Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss - JustMommies Message Boards

You might join us over there. There are other women who know exactly what you are going through and there are also lots of success stories of women who have had their rainbow babies.

Good Luck I really hope you start to feel better about this pregnancy soon.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
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July 24th, 2013, 08:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Derbyshire, UK
Posts: 4,985
I've never experienced a loss so I can't offer any words or wisdom or advice. I just wanted to offer a

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July 24th, 2013, 09:56 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 37
Pregnancy is worrisome without your experience so I can only imagine how it triggers unwanted emotions. Have you considered counseling? It may help to have someone to talk to while you're feeling this way.
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