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Well Im scheduling it for April 17, our anni. We are just doing a courthouse wedding since we pushed out ourwedding to 2016. My deliemma is that when I told my MIL, she immediatly wanted to come, and basically said she had to be their or she was going to be really upset. I tried to explain that they only do it between specific hours 10-11am and that Brian and I just wanted to do it ourselves since we dont get much alone time and since we are having the "big" Wedding for friends and fam.So then I got the bright idea to talk to my bff about it... and she said that she really really wanted to be there. I am kicking myself for even mentioning it. Now Im just trying to figure out how todeal with it. I meaneif I let Mil go then my bff, mom and dad will want to, the brians bff and hes taking the day off JUST to do this. I think we should be able to just spend some time together. (We were just going for lunch, then coming home to take care of our kids.) Should I bring it up and explain we just want it to be he and I? Should I not say anything and just get married? I mean my friend will understand but my MIL.. probably not. Any ideas?
Last edited by moxiemommie; January 2nd, 2014 at 03:30 PM.
In all honesty, this is YOUR day, YOUR wedding. Don't let her push her way in if you two want it to be a small intimate "date" just for you two. She may be upset, but in the end, it is NOT ABOUT HER!!!!! Just stress that she's not being left out, you are literally having no one there but you and Brian and insure her that she will be a big part in your ceremony when you have it. She will get over it. IMHO, when you cave because you worry about someone else's feelings, it puts a cloud over your day and your memories, and may foster ill feelings towards her in the end. I think you'd be better off putting up with her being upset about not being at the courthouse wedding and getting over it, then giving in, doing it her way, and then having it potentially mar the memories. This is Brian's and your special day. Do it just the two of you!!!! *hugs* pushy family can be the worst!
*~*~ Katie; Mommy to 3 fun-loving boys, one sweet little baby girl, and #5 on the way! *~*~
If you dont want them there, dont invite them. As kindly as you can explain this is just how you two choose to do it, and everyone else can celebrate during the big wedding. Maybe they can take you out to dinner another night or something?? My husband and I also did a court house wedding and only invited 3 people. Some were upset but, it wasnt about them.
That is exactly why DH and I did it and then only told close friends and family after the fact. We did the court house thing in sept 08 and a beach wedding in June of 09. We saved enough on our 08 taxes by doing it to practically pay for the wedding. We told family why we did it and simply asked that they not make a big deal about it because we didn't want it to detract AT ALL from our wedding day.
This day is about you, not them. If you want it to be private and intimate, that's what you should do. They may be upset, but they'll get over it. I really wanted to elope, but hubs wanted his family there, so I gave in and did the whole wedding thing. To this day, we both say that we should have just eloped and avoided all the family drama. Make your day what you want.
When DH and I got married, it was just us and then a co-worker to be the witness. It took all of about 20 minutes, and then we were back at work (we went over lunch). It also wasn't planned out for long, maybe 2 or 3 days (here, you can't schedule in advance). My parents knew the plan, but they were 12 hours away, so they couldn't come. He told his family a week or so after, I think. No one minded not being there in our case, since we already had the deposit down on the venue for our big wedding. Maybe MIL is worried that your plans for a wedding in the future won't pan out and she will miss everything?
Personally, I agree with the it's your day sentiment, but I know that personally I just get so upset over letting people down that I would probably feel worse not including her and would feel guilty all day and that would be worse than just having her there So I would talk to your SO, see what he thinks, and then put him in charge of working it out with his mom. I do know that no matter what you end up doing, it will be a great day for you guys! If you end up having people there, maybe plan a special date night for that weekend where just you two can go have a nice dinner and celebrate?
__________________ Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)
I think its because her oldest did that and she just "has to be there." So its kind of understandable but at the same time she said in a very stern "you dont have a choice tone" and the thing is my family, all of my cousins EXCEPT one (who technically isnt blood).have not had weddings. They all just ran off and got married, no parents no invites ect. So thats another huge reason I want this wedding- the big wedding. The courthouse wedding is only for two things: So I can share the same last name before Ryan starts kinder (sept2015) AND for insurance purposes. That is it. Also our courthouse is weird? Idk they ONLY do weddings on weds and thurs from 10-11am, thats why we have to make an apt after I get all the marriage license crap done LOL. (I hate doing the paperwork, then getting the blood draw, ect, its a process!) That and my mom will only watch one child at a time (and she is NOT good at it at all) I still dont know any baby sitters, so all we were planning to do was go out to lunch, but I may just have to bring the kids with us to the courthouse. Its not really exciting. And its not really "our wedding" it more just like getting the legal process out of the way , then when it comes time for the "big wedding" all I have to do is plan it, no paper work or any of that.
I totally get that Mil wants to come but then so does Jordan (bris bff and chrissy my bff) and i KNOW my dad would want to come, But I DID tell my Mom our plan the other day ( because she wanted to help with my upcoming dental bills, so I explained about the insurance, and he courhouse wedding. She understood, idnt ask to come because I told her its just he and I. But before when I explained it to mil, she was not happy. Brian originally said to just let her come so she doesnt make a fuss... but Iasked if that was the only reason and he said yes. So I explained that I didnt think it was fair for her to come and no one else, just because shes going to throw a fit. If my mom or dad threw a fit, I wouldnt even discuss it and Id drop them for a few days until they knocked it off. You cant get your way if you throw a fit, even my adorable 2 yr old cant get away with that, so neither can anyone else. That would be like giving the dog a bone after they jumped on the counter and got into food. And I thats why I want it to be fair. Thats why I was just think me and Brian, because I dont want anyone's feelings getting hurt, if that makes sense?
Oh and i should add, we are putting the deposit down for our wedding venue also, it should be done in feb or march. ( I called and they will let me put a deposit down even though our wedding is two years out. )
First, I completely understand your reasoning. That's why we did ours the way we did it. My parents really couldn't take the time off to come 12 hours for a courthouse wedding, and it didn't seem fair to have one family and not the other. I get that. And honestly, it will be SUCH a quick process, especially if you are doing a big wedding later. It's almost more of a hassle to bring all these people with you. Maybe put the deposit down and then reassure her that you have money down on a big wedding and she will of course get to be there for all of that. See if that helps?
I also have to say, you're so right. Having all the paperwork and everything done BEFORE the big wedding was a big stress relief and one less thing to mess around with. I wouldn't change the way we did things for the world. Leading up to my big wedding, I was really worried the ceremony would feel silly or the day wouldn't seem as special, but I was so wrong. It was all great