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Helping my Dad

Forum: 2014 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By michelleH
  • 1 Post By KellJoO
  • 1 Post By Poly124

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April 24th, 2014, 09:38 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NYC
Posts: 193
I heard from my Dad this morning that a beloved distant relative of his died this morning. Even though she was in her late 90s he is really upset about losing her because they had been keeping in close touch especially these past few years. He really can't deal with illness and death very well. He's a physicist so he talks a tough game (saying things like "we all die eventually" "the human race will be extinct in a million years, so what does it matter..."), but I honestly think it's a defense against his deep issues with mortality, loss of his parents and brother (his whole immediate family) before he was 50, etc.

Anyway, the timing sucks because my stepmom is busy taking care of her son after an accident he had at work so she can't go to the funeral with him (the funeral is in TX, they live in CO). I offered to go the the funeral with him (I'm in NY) because I have half of next week off of work so I have the flexibility and he is overjoyed and is currently trying to coordinate our flights.

I'm considering that with me seeing him this weekend, I should tell him about the pregnancy. I'm a bloated balloon so he might think something is up (either being pg or will get concerned about my weight gain). It would be nice to share this happy news while he's dealing with the death, BUT at the same time I've been pretty adamant about waiting until we're in the clear from the 1st trimester.

When we had our first loss my dad had a really tough time with it (said he teared up for weeks just thinking about it), and we didn't share our second loss with anyone. I would hate to put him through that again in case the unthinkable happened.

I know this is the farthest I've been along at 11wks, we're almost there, and everything has been looking great so I don't have anything to be worried about, but still.... any thoughts, ladies????

Cautiously Expecting Our First: November 8th, 2014

Missing Our 2 Losses: February 2013 @9wks, November 2013 at @6wks
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April 24th, 2014, 09:43 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 911
My honest opinion? Wait until 12 if that's what will make you feel the most comfortable. He'll understand why.
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One angel baby - 1/22/14
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April 24th, 2014, 11:00 AM
KellJoO's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 4,116
Do what you are comfortable with. If you think it will cause him more heartache if something should happen- heaven forbid- then wait. I think just being there with him through this will already be a huge help for him.

Hugs to you and your family.
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April 24th, 2014, 11:44 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NYC
Posts: 193
Yeah, I think I'll stick to our original plan - tell all the parents after my 14wk dr's appointment. What will be extra great is I get to see my dad at the end of May in Colorado for a wedding so we can have our celebration together then.
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Cautiously Expecting Our First: November 8th, 2014

Missing Our 2 Losses: February 2013 @9wks, November 2013 at @6wks
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