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Kind of annoyed *rant time!*

Forum: 2014 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By TrinityDawnMaura
  • 2 Post By StephcMc
  • 2 Post By flitabout
  • 3 Post By Sylvera
  • 3 Post By MrsHopeful

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April 30th, 2014, 06:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,157
So my husband's cousin just found out that we are expecting (we made the announcement about a week ago) and started spam texting him about how excited she was. Also, one of the first things she said was 'when is she gonna be 30 weeks? I am so excited to throw her shower! I am a boss at planning showers!'

Weeeell, first of all, why would she assume she would be the one to throw it? I knew my mom wouldn't be up to it, but my MIL had already hinted that she would be happy to do it, and I would be thrilled if she did - she threw my wedding shower and it was great. Even if MIL decided she wasn't up for it, I had a friend say she would be interested as well, so I was pretty much set without her nominating herself :/

I wouldn't mind so much that the cousin in question assumed she would be in charge, except she was in my bridal party - ended up being the Maid of Honour, what a mistake that was - and she dropped the ball on EVERYTHING, so I expect nothing better this time around. She was supposed to throw us a Jack and Jill - never happened. Not only did she fail to plan a proper Bachelorette party (we kind of just aimlessly bar-hopped, not really my kind of thing), but she was super late for that too. Then there was the bridal shower, which I think MIL threw together for me at the last second when she realized that the cousin wasn't going to do it - it was 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding and I had almost no heads up... good thing I happened to have that day off work! She was late for every appointment (including on the day of, she was 45 minutes late showing up to the hair appointment) and didn't even pay for her bridesmaid's dress or anything. Needless to say, I ended up resenting her a bit at the end and really regretting my decisions...

...And now I'm supposed to trust her with another big life event? She didn't even ask me if I had someone planning the shower yet or anything, she kind of just assumed it was something she would get to do. I guess the best I can do is hope that she and my MIL collaborate. That way, at least I know it will get done.

Sorry about the rant; I just don't feel like I have any control over the situation, and I can see 1,000 ways this might end badly. I'm really annoyed she would just make such a big assumption like that. I do feel a bit better just for typing it all out, though.

I know I'm not the first one to have friends/family totally take over something even though they don't have the right... anyone else want to share horror stories?
EPing, CDing mommy to:

Brock Cody, born sleeping @41 weeks (10/23/2014)
Nathan George, our rainbow, arrived @38 weeks (10/8/2015)

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April 30th, 2014, 07:08 AM
TrinityDawnMaura's Avatar Younique Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 683
That would drive me nutty! I would sit down and talk to your MIL about this...if you feel you can be really open with her explain why you would rather have her host the shower than the cousin.

If it comes down to it you can have more than one shower. When I was pregnant with my first I had three surprise showers, lol!

Trinity: mom to Brendan (12) Aricka (7) Cecilia (1) & Lucia
and two angel babies in heaven

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April 30th, 2014, 07:22 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,288
I'm lurking, . But I would talk to dh about this and explain why you don't want her having a leading role in planned the shower, and then send him to talk to his mom about it. I think issues with dependability might come across better from her son. And you won't have to be in the middle of deciding who plans your shower. Is this something dh would do for you?

Make a pregnancy ticker
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April 30th, 2014, 07:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: ON, Canada
Posts: 1,050
I would just ignore it and let your MIL plan it. You can ask your MIL to contact her to see if she would like to contribute since she wanted to plan one, she can be in charge of the games/prizes or something that really isn't difficult for your MIL to throw together at the last minute if she flakes out.

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April 30th, 2014, 09:00 AM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Pipestone, Minnesota
Posts: 6,500
I agree with Steph just ignore her. If she brings it up say oh shoot MIL was really looking forward to doing that and I told her she could. Smile brightly and say maybe on the next baby? Let it go from there and make it like it's no big deal. Just warn MIL that you are doing it.

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April 30th, 2014, 10:23 AM
dyeanotherday's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Cedar Park, TX
Posts: 1,566
I would just have 2. With my Son i had 3 lol

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April 30th, 2014, 02:02 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 695
Maybe next time it comes up tell her you have a couple people already planning one? Family stuff right now has me so irritated..but I will start a separate thread...
Mom to
Alyssa 5/18/00
Myah 11/12/02
Julian 11/12/02
Ryder 8/14/09
Tristan 10/24/14
Baby due 1/9/18
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April 30th, 2014, 02:46 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,484
I wouldnt ignore her but I would sternly say "no thank you, but my MIL has it covered, if you would like to help her, you may ask her if she NEEDS help" And let your MIL know that said cousin wants to help!
Ryker Benjamin is coming on Oct 10th, 2014!
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April 30th, 2014, 03:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,157
Thank you for your thoughts, ladies I am going to talk to MIL and confirm that she wants to host (by which I mean beg her to, probably ). Everyone knows that the cousin in question is less than reliable, MIL included, so if I explain why I want her to host it she will probably understand my concerns and go along with it. MIL likes bullcrap about as little as I do, and she saw what the cousin did with my wedding event planning, so I bet she will be on the same page as me.
I thought about letting people throw a separate shower (or heck, throwing my own, LOL) but I'm pretty sure that the guest lists for both would be so similar that it just wouldn't make sense. If she DOES get around to throwing it, people might think that I was making a grab for extra gifts or something.
EPing, CDing mommy to:

Brock Cody, born sleeping @41 weeks (10/23/2014)
Nathan George, our rainbow, arrived @38 weeks (10/8/2015)

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April 30th, 2014, 06:36 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 646
I'd have your DH talk with his mom and explain the situation. Make sure she is cool with throwing the shower and was planning on it. Once it's all for sure a go, I'd have him text his cousin and say something like "Thanks, that's really nice of you but my mom is going to take the lead and plan a shower for us. It really means a lot to us and to her to do this for her grandchild. Maybe you can get in touch with her and see if she needs any help."

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