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Visitors at the hospital?

Forum: 2014 Playroom


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August 17th, 2014, 05:08 PM
The Working Mom's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 198
Curious how you all feel about having visitors at the hospital.

I personally do not like having visitors - just my parents and my son (and of course, husband, who will be there the whole time). I have had the most random people ask if it's okay for them to visit me at the hospital - like people I hardly talk to at work. Really?? No.

I know some people really want friends to come visit - I've had multiple friends text me in the hospital asking when I was coming to visit (and I do go visit them).

I could barely walk to the bathroom while I was in the hospital last time, my stomach felt big still, all that blood loss and padding down there, etc - did not want to see people I would usually see only after a shower (and maybe a couple drinks, lol). Plus, I think some people come visit just because they want the experience of holding a newborn. I feel like those people can come to my house a week or two after we've been home to hold him - it's not my responsibility to give them a new new baby to hold. I would prefer to give his immune system a chance to strengthen.

Also, I've never had this issue since I don't let people visit - but does it bother you when your friends come and bring their entire family?

So what are you telling your friends and extended family regarding visitor and what have been your nightmare experiences in the past with visitors?
Mom to two boys!

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August 17th, 2014, 05:14 PM
KeliRevels's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Small town, rural Wisconsin
Posts: 555
I just posted about this in another thread

Obviously, this is my first pregnancy so I'm not sure what will bother me and what won't, but we have a plan! That's a start, right?

We're not going to tell anybody until after she is born. I'm not sure how long after (my parents only live 20 minutes away so it won't be immediately ). We want to be able to have everything settled, know she is healthy, and have some bonding time with her before we start handing her around. If it happens on a weekend, DF will have to go back to work and that will play largely into when we let people start coming.

I don't mind having visitors - or at least I don't THINK I do. When my family comes, I'll probably take that time to shower if DF is still there. Both of us have pretty large families, and none of them live very close. The door will be open, but I'm not even sure how many will come to be honest. I think everyone will offer to visit after we are home (which makes me less willing, because people tend to overstay their welcome when it's in a home and usually this wouldn't be a problem, but it would be easier to kick them out of a hospital ).
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August 17th, 2014, 05:17 PM
angelinal09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,000
Not that there are a ton of people asking to visit (I'm more of an acquaintance person than a friend person) but the only people I really want to see while I'm there is dh (even then, I don't want him there the entire time). I prefer being on my own with baby in the hospital.

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August 17th, 2014, 05:31 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 633
Having visitors has never bothered me, I agree they don't stay too long if it's at the hospital. But I've never had a random acquaintance come or anything weird like that. My first went right to the NICU and we knew that ahead of time, I was quite sad that no one came to visit ME b/c I was quite emotional having just had a baby with several medical issues. With #2 and #3 I had some good friends come visit us in the hospital and it was very easy and they were very respectful. This time we are in a new place, my in-laws will be here overlapping my due date, so hopefully they will get to come to the hospital and I only have one friend here, so that's easy!
Mom to DS 11, DD 8, DD 7 and Wyatt born Sept 19!
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August 17th, 2014, 05:32 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 980
I am ok with friends visiting after we have had some time to get settled ... like the day after delivery. I know I will be in for 3 days minimum but also that my hubby will not stay the entire time.

I have a few good friends that I think will come which is fine with me.

Our families both live far away. My mom is coming and will be staying with our children when I have the baby so at some point hubby will bring the bigger kids and my mom to visit .. although this depends on what else is going on as I will be delivering 2 hours away from where we live.
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August 17th, 2014, 05:50 PM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 8,323
I dont mind AFTER baby has arrived, and only once people ask before hand if it is a good time to stop by.... and there better be no expectation to hold baby. Im a mama bear and dont like my new baby being passed around ....especially during cold season.

I kind of joke around about those things around our friends so they know anyways lol.

I was in the hospital for 6 days with DD so having some visitors was nice, and everyone in my life seems to know not to overstay their welcome
Thank-you Bokkechick for the beautiful siggy!

Proud mama to Audrina (10-10-2011) & Bryden (09-19-2014)

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August 17th, 2014, 06:22 PM
KeliRevels's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Small town, rural Wisconsin
Posts: 555
Originally Posted by Urchin View Post
.... and there better be no expectation to hold baby. Im a mama bear and dont like my new baby being passed around ....especially during cold season.
I am nervous about this, a little bit! I mean, it's one thing to have close family hold her and whatnot, but at the hospital?! Who knows who all will be wanting to hold her and I KNOW DF's family is going to bring their kids if they come and I don't even know how to say 'yes you can come see me, but don't expect to hold the baby.' I honestly feel like the people who know me would laugh at me and think I was joking. With my niece and nephew, I'm comfortable enough keeping them in line and I know how they behave. I'm not quite as comfortable with those kids or micromanaging and making sure they wash their hands, don't wiggle around, etc. Oh gosh, I haven't even thought about this much yet. 0.o

Edit: Immediately after posting this, I realized that DF is going to be WAY more protective over things like that than me. Solution: his family and our friends can only come while he is there Leave the dirty work to him
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August 17th, 2014, 06:49 PM
The Working Mom's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 198
And it's never inappropriate to make anyone who wants to hold or touch the baby wash their hands first.
Mom to two boys!

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August 17th, 2014, 06:51 PM
*AngieKH*'s Avatar Mom of 4
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NE Missouri
Posts: 5,511
I kinda wanted my mom to come to stay with me at the hospital this time, she's never been there with me before and I thought it might be fun since my husband will need to be at home watching the kids... unfortunately she's apparently not interested. I guess I'll be there most of the time alone, except for when my husband brings the kids in to visit. None of the rest of my family will come to visit, I rarely see them

Grace (7), Elijah (4), Hannah (1), Joey (born at 39 weeks)
plus 3 step-kids Brandon (18), Sarah (16) and Adam (13)
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August 17th, 2014, 07:19 PM
Jenn-F's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,033
I'm ok with visitors, but prefer they wait until the day after the baby arrives. Day of a c-section is a bit rough. We had a good many visitors with our oldest, but only dh's sister with our second. We were in a hospital an hour away that time, though, so I understood, but it made me a bit sad. Hopefully we'll have some this time. I'm also ok with visitors holding the baby, as long as they (and no one in their house) are not sick and they wash their hands.
Mom to Caleb (8) and Nathan (5)and our new arrival Anna Joy born on September 11.
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August 17th, 2014, 09:11 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 4,134
I like having a couple visitors, because I get lonely and DH will be at work while I am at the hospital. I have never been asked by just acquaintances, only close friends and family. I don't mind letting them hold the baby, but I do always ask that they wash their hands and use the foam sanitizer stuff.

I would prefer they come and see the baby while I am in the hospital and NOT when I am home, to be honest. Because when I go home, I hate the added stress of asking them to leave, worrying about being a hostess or stressing over whether my house is clean. People tend to visit a shorter time in the hospital.
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August 18th, 2014, 08:57 AM
kto1111's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 949
I prefer visitors once I'm more comfortable and at home, but I know our immediate family will want to come ASAP. Which is fine. With DD no one overstayed their welcome and when I needed to nurse the baby, they'd leave.

I have friends who like having visitors at the hospital and so they assume others would as well. With them, I have to let them down gently that they can come by to see us a few days later (and bring us a meal ).

DD - Nov '11

DD#2 - EDD 9/29
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August 18th, 2014, 12:31 PM
Maddy6912's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 850
Im okay with some family coming- no extended family just sisters, brother and in laws. I don't like a lot of visitors because I look terrible after birth and don't feel as well either. So I would rather just have a few visitors.

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August 18th, 2014, 08:24 PM
Mslily1125's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 2,513
We have a few close friends that we will welcome to the hospital along with family. NOBODY will be asked into the room until well after the golden hour. And everyone will be required to wash hands AND ARMS before being allowed to hold baby. ...and no guilt will be felt!

Make a pregnancy ticker
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August 18th, 2014, 11:02 PM
Caerus's Avatar Happy as a (Tired) Clam
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,034
Hmm, I guess this depends on how we feel after the birth, I suppose. If we are feeling up to visitors, the hospital seems like a pretty good place to have them, so they don't hang around for terribly long. Not random friends though, just family and possibly close friends. And definitely not until we've had a few hours alone.

We did have a friend (a longtime, but not close, friend of DH's) invite us to the hospital several times a couple months ago after their first baby was born. I didn't go though, and didn't let DH go, because I'm not convinced our friend's wife would have actually been comfortable with having us there. That particular friend is not at all sensitive to his wife, imo (for example, he spent her ENTIRE pregnancy whining about how she was too nauseous to cook him food). I actually like the guy, but he's a narcissist.

Thanks to Bokkechick for the lovely siggie.

Mama to DD (Born 9/21/2014)& 2 Angels in Heaven
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August 19th, 2014, 06:50 AM
Mslily1125's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 2,513
Oh man, DF would be in so much trouble!! Lol

Make a pregnancy ticker
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August 19th, 2014, 07:42 AM
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central Valley, California
Posts: 246
I am usually stuck in the hospital for 4-5 days post delivery and get very lonely. So I welcome visitors as long as no one is sick, a smoker, and is careful to wash their hands. It makes me feel comforted, less lonely, and helps the time to pass.
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August 19th, 2014, 10:24 AM
Shades of Grey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 11,339
I will have my parents, sister, and cousin, one of whom will have my kids and will bring them as well. I think my MIL will come at some point depending on work and when he is actually born. There are 2 friends who might come as well. I dont want anyone coming until a while after he is born so I can feel a little more myself.

I am peace, full of unconditional love. I am confident and in tune with the Divine, receptive to guidance.
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August 19th, 2014, 10:46 AM
FlyingFlower's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,293
We had quite a few people come last time. I was ok with it then but this time I don't really want anyone. Luckily since we're new here there really won't be any visitors other than my sister and that's pretty much all I want. I don't like feeling like I have to entertain. I just want to relax for a couple days and get used to the new family member.

DD- 4 years, May 2010
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August 19th, 2014, 02:00 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Mobile, AL
Posts: 1,498
I love having visitors in the hospital, for the most part. But I'm also stuck in there for 4 days/3 nights and can go stir crazy!

Only time it bothered me that I can remember was the morning after DS3 was born. I was up and taking a shower and my Dad came. I didn't want anyone there that early because I just wanted some time to take a shower and get dressed and was moving a little slow. I felt bad but had him wait in the hallway until I was done.

This time my parents will be visiting as well as my kids. Will probably have some friends pop in as well. Saturday will be a lonely day in the hospital for me since my parents, DH, and kids will be at the big boys' football games most of the day--so I'm hoping people come up then anyways!
Mommy to 3 Super Heroes and a little princess

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