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Any advice for a FTM??


Forum: February 2014 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By NewGurl
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  #1  
July 15th, 2013, 01:50 PM
victoria0294's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So the plan was that when DH and I have one child that I would continue to work because it would work best financially. But we knew once we had 2 kids that I would most likely quit to be a stay at home mom because of the cost of daycare.
So since finding out last week that we're having twins we have been starting to plan on me staying at home with the kids. I'm very excited, but of course nervous since there will be 2 babies to care for, and I've never even changed a diaper! I know it is going to be a VERY difficult job, especially with my lack of baby experience. It will also be tight financially, since when we decided to try and start a family we were expecting to still have some of my income.

What advice can all of you BTDT moms give me, whether you stay at home with the kids or work? I know both are difficult jobs!!
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  #2  
July 15th, 2013, 02:36 PM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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In my opinion with only 9 months experience with a single boy


all you need is diapers, car seats and clothes don't stress about the rest you cant even use most of it the first few months anywho..........although I will add some things are nice to have for me summer infant swaddelers and a slightly inclined sleeper such as the rock n play or the graco play yard with newborn napper were a huge help in the beginning especially with a reflux baby.

take pretty much anything your told while pregnant or as a parent with a grain of salt.......including this

babys don't sleep eat pee or gain weight on a scheduled or like any other baby unless your having true dehydration or Failure To Thrive issues dont even bother with trackeing apps, baby scales, growth charts, ect .....your just wasting time and causing pointless worry.

google is not ever ever ever your friend but a good parent group with ppl who know what they are talking about is you can often find local mothers group both in real life and as Facebook groups............ if your planning to try breastfeeding try kellymom mother to mother (facebook group) or there are many tandem groups.

some days you will feel it is impossible to be any happier or more fulfilled and the next morning your just as likely to be crying with your baby and telling your better half things that should not be written in public forums...... no i didn't have PPD its called stress its real it will find you and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if/when it does.........also do not be afraid to ask for help when it happens.

once your babies gets a little older every candy wrapper sheet of paper and shopping cart handle is better then any toy you brought along unless it is truly dangerous just let them explore.


that's as much as i can think of for now other then if your uncomfortable with your ob/ pediatrician then get a new one....... you are not required to like them and its your familys health in their hands so yeah its worth some hurt feelings but honestly they probably wont even notice your gone.
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Last edited by NewGurl; July 15th, 2013 at 03:33 PM.
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  #3  
July 15th, 2013, 03:23 PM
amazing_love's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^Those are some good ones!

Most of all try to RELAX! Everything seems like a big deal when you're a first time mom. I freaked out constantly over little things, always stressing about weight gain, if this or that was normal, not hitting milestones as early as another baby, etc. If i could go back and tell myself to just calm down then my son's first yr would've been much easier.

I definitely agree with listen to others opinions but in the end do what YOU feel is right. What one person recommends another will say is wrong. Doctors know alot but not everything. Some of what they tell you is also only opinion.

As for the financial aspect, yes having babies is expensive but they don't need as much as you think they do at first so most things you can wait to buy until you need them. I stay at home and it mostly means less buying extra fun stuff for you and eating out, vacations, etc. but its still very worth it! Sometimes you need to force yourself to get out of the house because you will stay more sane by doing this.

The best piece of advice i can give you, especially true i assume with twins: Do whatever is easiest in the first year! Don't lose your mind focusing on them sleeping well by a certain age, eating solids well by X time, etc. I lost more sleep than anything trying to follow the "rules" of sleep with my first child and have learned that they will all sleep through the night eventually.

Don't feel bad if everything doesn't go according to plan, because i can promise it won't! But it will all still work out and in the end your love for your babies will be greater than you ever thought possible.
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  #4  
July 15th, 2013, 05:18 PM
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Not a BTDT mom, but long-time nanny. I've had experience watching twins. And I just wanted to encourage you that you're going be fine. You will get to know your babies. You will end up doing what works for you and your babies. Your babies won't be like strangers to you. If it eases your mind then try taking a parenting class. They will teach you some basics, and that's okay! Visit friends with babies. No matter how nervous you feel right now I promise that you'll get the hang of your own babies. I promise!
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  #5  
July 15th, 2013, 05:23 PM
victoria0294's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you all for the great advice!
Luckily since this is my first pregnancy (and probably my last lol) I will be having a shower, so I'm sure I'll get most of what I need from it in regards to items. So that will help out a lot financially.
It's just nice hearing advice from moms who have already been through this. I'm sure whether I want it or not my mom and mother in law will be giving me a lot of advice haha!

Thank you SmilingSam I appreciate it!
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Last edited by victoria0294; July 15th, 2013 at 05:26 PM.
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  #6  
July 15th, 2013, 05:34 PM
cassthomas852's Avatar Veteran
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Hi Victoria! I am a FTM expecting twins too! Great question and thank you all for the advice! I've talked to friends that have a baby or babies and I have found everyone is different in their pregnancy. My BFF also bought What to Expect Whem Expecting, Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy, and The Expectant Father for the hubby. I found the What to Expect a very good book and tries to prepare you for anything and everything you may encounter. I haven't been able to put it down... I read 200 pages the first day I got it! There are some chapters and sections that don't apply so you can skip them. There's even an entire chapter dedicated to multiples, as well as IVF (which is what we did). I heard mixed reviews about the book, but it is literally the pregnancy bible. Good luck to you!
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  #7  
July 16th, 2013, 04:41 AM
10x_A_Mommy's Avatar formerly mom_of_8
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My only advice is Follow Your Instincts. Do what makes you and your babies happy.
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  #8  
July 16th, 2013, 06:34 AM
lovemyleah's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Plan nothing! That is my biggest piece of advice. You can plan on Breast feeding, plan not to co-sleep, plan to put baby on back, plan to do this, plan to do that, and all of that can go out the window after a week of non-stop crying (from babies and you) and no sleep. Do what is best for you. I agree with the fact that babies are pretty minimal... they need food, clothes, diapers, a car seat and love in the beginning. Don't buy all the "gimicky extras" because more than likely, you won't use them.
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  #9  
July 16th, 2013, 07:11 AM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
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Buy second hand!!! Yard sales are great!
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  #10  
July 16th, 2013, 07:46 AM
victoria0294's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for all the great advice!!
I do plan on reading a few books, and will definitely be looking at garage sales!
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  #11  
July 16th, 2013, 08:12 AM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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one addition to garage sales while still definatly worth it i highly suggest you familiarize yourself with the nesting signs of bed bugs and check everything especially bouncers sleepers or anything baby would lay in its a growing problem in the states and having dealt with them trust me you do not want that hassle.
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  #12  
July 16th, 2013, 08:26 AM
acchickpea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm a working mom and my baby started daycare at 3.5 month...
We had to because financilly it worked best for us.

I had no experience with a baby before Leo came along in Aug 2012. I never changed a diaper before, fed a baby before, let a lone babysat for anyone of my friends with babies...

But I picked it up so fast with Leo! Changed his diaper at the hospital and then instantly became a pro (wink) and you will too! Except you'll be double advanced!

Feeding became like clock work and their feeding schedule changes all the time as they hit the growth spurts... You'll adjust.

Everything is a learning experience and doing things for the first time is scary but when you are in a situation where you are constantly doing the task repeatedly you start to get more comfortable.

Noted: it helps that you except all the help that people offer.... Sure bring over food... sure watch baby for a few hours so you can shut your eyes....

FTM mommy is hard work!
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  #13  
July 16th, 2013, 02:29 PM
Formerly ConnorMorgan
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GREAT advice above. Just a few things I want to add:

First of all, I didn't have twins but my first two were 15 months apart, so at times it was similar, but obviously not quite. Everyone always thought they were twins. I have three other kids so definitely a BTDT mom. However I babysat and offered to do things for other people's babies so it wasn't really that new to me except breastfeeding. I've always been a SAHM although I get an income from disability, but not a lot. My husband was out of work for many years as well.

My Advice:

- for saving money, keep an eye on what seems like small expenses. For example a coffee or two a day doesn't seem like much, but add it up and you see it can be a lot. If you don't already, learn how to cook meals, especially from fresher ingredients. Packaged foods and obviously take out are more expensive.

- in the early weeks/months, don't worry about the house and chores. If family and friends want to help, LET THEM. Get them to do dishes and laundry and cooking. You need to sleep whenever you can steal even a few minutes, especially with TWINS. I suggest putting them to bed in the same crib, I've been told they sleep better and at the same time if they are together like they were in the womb.

- while you are reading, focus on twin books and ask questions in the twin forums here as they can give better advice on how life with twins is different than one child.

- I totally agree with parenting classes and visiting friends with babies to get some idea of how it all works.

If I think of something else I'll let you know, but you have great advice above as well.
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  #14  
July 16th, 2013, 03:41 PM
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You will get so much advice, and a lot of it will be conflicting. The best thing to do is listen, nod along and then do what you think is right. Sometimes, especially at baby groups you ll have mum's bragging about her kid reaching milestones before yours, and you can feel down about it. But as long as your baby is fed, changed and loved it will be fine.
You can only do your best. No baby comes with a manual. You will get to know each other. Just take one day at a time and don't beat yourself up if things don't get done. Your babies are priority the housework is absolutely last. Sleep when they sleep.
Also a friend of mine who had twins said always feed them together, so you get your full 3/4 hours break in between or you could only be left with half n hour intervals. When one woke for a feed she would also pick the other baby out the cot and feed him too.
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  #15  
July 17th, 2013, 07:57 PM
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My advice to all moms is to take care of yourselves! This is crucial to the well-being of all moms/parents, but I believe it to be especially crucial to stay-at-home moms/parents. You *need* to take time for yourself...you just NEED to. You will lose your mind if you don't. Mind you, taking time for yourself can be as simple as going for a 20 minute drive by yourself! It doesn't have to be a huge day at the spa or vacation get-away. Just something to give yourself periodic breaks from mommy-mode. It is so, so important.
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  #16  
July 18th, 2013, 04:49 AM
victoria0294's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Such great advice ladies, thank you SO much!!
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