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I think dh is getting impatient with me!


Forum: February 2014 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Bella1002

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  #1  
July 17th, 2013, 04:02 AM
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We haven't dtd for weeks now, and he's starting to make little comments about it. But I have no sex drive at all. He is usually home from work after midnight and by then I'm in bed. He's also making comments about the amount he's doing around the house. He only has Alex and me at home with him. When he goes to work at 3pm I have all 3 kids at home. We do homework, home readers, I do tea, dishes, tidy round, then get them bathed ( younger 2) ,and ready for bed. Alex is very tired by bedtime and usually is very disobedient and tearful. By the time they are in bed half 7, and gone over jays homework the last thing I want to do is clean the bathroom/kitchen! Both are tidy and clean as in wiped around and moped and brushed, but could do with a good dust and deep clean. But I can sense that he feels I'm not pulling my weight.
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  #2  
July 17th, 2013, 06:55 AM
lovemyleah's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel the same way. From the constant nausea, headaches and just utter feelings of exhaustion, it's so tough. On top of it, I have other children and work full time...DTD is just something that I find difficult to find the energy for. My DH constantly talks about "all that he does". Yeah. Right. I wish he could grow a baby for even just a month (during one of these early months, preferably). I think he might have a slight understanding of what I am going through.
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  #3  
July 17th, 2013, 06:57 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You're growing a person. He can do some more chores, live without sex, and be happy he doesn't have to deal with morning sickness, exhaustion and every other thing we are dealing with!!
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  #4  
July 17th, 2013, 07:02 AM
acchickpea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have no drive too! I do feel bad because DH does make comments about our non existant DTD dance but I also don't want any bleeding after and have a big scare... I know it may be ok to but I still am nervous about it...
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  #5  
July 17th, 2013, 07:21 AM
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I'm sorry! I hope he snaps out of it. I'm exhausted all the time. Barely have energy for anything, but DTD is something I "need" so, my SO is lucky in that department.
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  #6  
July 17th, 2013, 07:28 AM
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I feel the same way and understand completely. When I catch myself feeling sorry for him because I ask him to do more now than he did, or when I start to feel guilty , I just remind myself of the facts. The facts are that I am sacrificing my body for 9 months so that we can bring another child into this world. I am sick all the time, tired all the time, uncomfortable all of the time. It is a blessing, yes, and I am grateful, but it is also a sacrifice. It is only fair that he have to sacrifice a little, too, even if it means sacrificing his sex life for awhile. If he had to walk around for even a half day feeling the way I've been feeling the past 2 months, believe me, he wouldn't hesitate one second to ask for help.

And also.... think of times when your husband has been sick with the flu or some kind of bug. Would it have ever entered your mind to pressure him to have sex with you knowing he was sick? That might put it in perspective. Even the horniest person in the world would have a hard time feeling pleasure while hunched over the toilet or so tired they could barely put one foot in front of the other!
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  #7  
July 17th, 2013, 07:52 AM
avaught's Avatar mama to sweet 3 yr old
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I have zero drive also. I am always tired headaches and sick. I just wanna go home and lay on the couch.
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  #8  
July 17th, 2013, 08:14 AM
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I'm going to have a talk with him tomorrow. I think it's getting us both down that I have no energy band feel sick quite a lot. I'm sure once the baby comes along and he's tired he won't feel much like dtd either!
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  #9  
July 17th, 2013, 10:12 AM
amazing_love's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel a little guilty because we don't DTD much but thankfully my DH is very understanding about it. He knows the nights i'm feeling sick or exhausted so won't try anything. We try to take advantage of the rare occasions when i'm not feeling bad. I still don't have much of a sex drive but i can easily get in the mood once we get started.

Housework is harder for him since it bothers him when it doesn't get done. Even with this he's more understanding than in the past, i think he's learned a thing or two with it being our 3rd. We argued about stuff constantly during my son's pregnancy. Now he knows better than to ever complain about what i'm not doing, especially since he knows how miserable i've been.
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  #10  
July 17th, 2013, 10:20 AM
Formerly ConnorMorgan
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Guys are wired differently. I normally have a low sex drive or something. Well even when I feel ahem horny I still would rather just take care of it myself than have sex. It honestly has nothing to do with hubby, I don't maybe I'm just lazy? LOL

Anyways we have this discussion all the time. A guy apparently feel unloved if the women doesn't want to have sex, whereas sex and love are not always entwined for me.

As for chores around the house, our house is a complete disaster, he wouldn't want to see it here. However I am also doing most of it myself. I love my dh but he doesn't do much around the house cleaning wise. So he has no right to complain when its messy. LOL

Reassure him your sex drive will probably return in the second trimester (mine does!) and that you love him SO much and you appreciate that he is patient when you need him to be and that he is SO supportive of your when you are tired and it's hard to keep up on the house (if you stress it that way, he should feel good about himself and want to let things go more often ideally.)
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  #11  
July 18th, 2013, 01:45 PM
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I've always had a very high sex drive, even higher than DH's, so normally it's him turning me down as far as that goes. And it seems pregnancy, no matter how I feel, makes me want it way more. lol

I've pretty much always done the cleaning but DH has been helping out a bit every once in awhile without complaining 'cause he knows and sees how badly I feel this go 'round. The house isn't as clean as I'd like it to be but I'm not too worried about it and neither is DH. Once morning sickness eases and I get some energy back, I'll be able to clean like I use to.

I wouldn't worry too much. If you have to, just sit your DH down and talk to him about everything.
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  #12  
July 18th, 2013, 05:03 PM
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I have zero interest in it either. Just none. I didnt pregnant with DD at this point either. It did come back though, around the end of the second trimester.

As far as cleaning goes, DH is used to doing some of it. I can't stand doing the dishes. Makes me puke. I have always hated doing the dishes though. He helps me in everything else. He picks up a room and I vacuum or the other way around. He'll help with the laundry and stuff, too.
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  #13  
July 19th, 2013, 05:38 AM
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I didn't end up having a talk with him, but I will have to. I haven't hoovered all week and I know it's getting to him. Actually it may even be longer than a week! Oops. I'm hoping once my iron starts to go up my energy will come back.
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  #14  
July 19th, 2013, 06:24 AM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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if it bothers him so much then he can plug in a vacuum.
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  #15  
July 19th, 2013, 10:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewGurl View Post
if it bothers him so much then he can plug in a vacuum.
Amen. I think he can handle it.
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Crazy enough to try all over again for a second together baby! Hoping for a much less wild ride this time!




TTC with PCOS for 5 very long years. Annovulatory cycles. Multiple doctors. Different meds. One horrible loss. And then one wonderful success, born 2/18/14.

I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26/13
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  #16  
July 19th, 2013, 07:19 PM
PrettyMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My dh is awesome at helping. He see's me struggling and jumps right on it. I love him so for it. He has even cooked mostly these days. We joke that I'm just worthless these days lol. But he doesn't give me a hard time, he knows it's temporary. As far as dtd i'm all for it if i'm not too sick. We fell off for a minute because i was very sick a few days. But we are back to it. We are open in talking about it so he will out right ask when we can, especially if it's been a while. If i'm sick he understands but i try to make effort anytime i'm feeling better.
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  #17  
July 20th, 2013, 06:27 AM
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I was thinking that myself. I mean he is good around the house with chores. He does all the washing and puts it away, he cooks when he's off, he does the garden and the bins, dog poop picking up. But since I've been slacking on everything else I thought he might help with the general dusting, hovering and cleaning of the bathroom and kitchen, but he hasnt. And then if Alex wants something he ll start saying, I ll put it on my list of jobs to do. I'm a stay at home mum too so I've just been doing kinda necessities st dishes tidying toys, mopping. My mil law is coming tomorrow so this evening will be spent cleaning.....
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  #18  
July 20th, 2013, 01:27 PM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
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I've been the opposite, Im shocked my husband can walk but dont let him pressure you or rush you. Theres no point in having sex if your not 100% in it. Pregnancies are rough on both spouses, your DH is gonna have to learn to live.
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