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rant about my mother...


Forum: February 2014 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Jibby

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  #1  
September 16th, 2013, 06:38 AM
OscarsPaprika's Avatar Strong proud Army wife ;)
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bragg, North Carolina
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So, my mother and I had a falling out over a month ago. She lied to a government agency about a large sum of money and how she got it and lost her state aid benefits. Well, she started pushing all her problems on me, which isn't anything new, but, I'm really tired of it. I told her I didn't need the stress of her issues and if she could calmly tell me about things instead of overreacting I would listen. She tried to guilt me into telling her she could stay with us and it didn't work. Last time she was up here she was only here for a week and made perverted jokes about everything, she smokes and burned holes in one of my favorite blankets because she takes too many pain killers and starts falling asleep all over the place, she wastes food, doesn't shower, and got upset because I'm honest and I'm not going to sugar coat things anymore for a 50somethingyear old. Well, she decided to block me from calling her so after 2 tries, I didn't bother anymore. So, for over a month, I didn't hear a word from her. I was actually fine with this, I have no use for someone like her, parent or not and I did try a little so I just let it go.
The other day she starts text messaging me about a month long trip to go see my youngest sibling, who I have absolutely nothing to do with either. She's a compulsive liar and I was done caring more than 5 years all at this point. So, I told her off about the younger one and figured that was the end of it. Nope, no such luck I guess. She started a pity party about how tired she was and she doesn't know what she's going to do, she bothers everyone she's around, blah blah blah. Well, I just got quiet and she has the nerve to say I'm the one who's being unreasonable and didn't try to talk to her. I almost went off, I mean really?! So, instead of going off I just told her she blocked me and I gave up I didn't realize that was unreasonable. She comes back with her phone was broken and nobody could talk to her. Then says my grandmother sent her money while she was visiting my sibling to get a new phone so she could continue to talk to her. Well.... way to out your lie about a broken phone. Still, I've held my composure. However, I'm on the edge of changing my number to get rid of her. I know that sounds harsh but she's text messaging me everyday multiple times a day telling me she loves me and she misses my son, how she wishes she was closer. I'm ready to scream! She thinks being a parent means you can treat your kids however you want and they should always shut up and have respect. I'm not of that mindset and at this point I'd rather her go back to harassing the compulsive liar who lays around all day spitting out more kids to get more state aid money.
I'm sorry for the long mean post I just have nowhere to get it out where people might understand where I'm coming from.. everyone except my husband who knows her all to well (she tried to say he tried to sleep with her when she was living in my house causing problems between him and i) is telling me she deserves another chance and I feel I've given her enough...
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  #2  
September 16th, 2013, 06:45 AM
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I know being pregnant makes everyone emotional, but she sounds TOXIC. This is a time where you should be avoiding all of that. Even the little stress you feel now gets passed to the baby. Some stress is healthy, but that isn't. I'm so sorry. I know you love your mom, but that doesn't seem like someone you should be around when expecting, or really at all. I hope you find peace and decide what is best for your family. I got your back though, and I don't think it's unreasonable at all.
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  #3  
September 16th, 2013, 06:47 AM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ive had to cut ties with my dad, not worth it. especially being pregnant.
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  #4  
September 16th, 2013, 06:52 AM
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That is really an awful situation for you to have to deal with especially during pregnancy. You should do what you feel is right for you and your DH and your kiddos. They are the ones to whom you are responsible now. Such a tough decision but go with what you feel is best
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  #5  
September 16th, 2013, 06:58 AM
OscarsPaprika's Avatar Strong proud Army wife ;)
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Thank you for the quick replies ladies and sorry for the double post. She is very toxic, she's not a person I want around my family. I really just want to be done with her.. I can't find one thing about her I actually like anymore. It used to be that she helps when she can but then I found out she runs around telling the world about much the help she gave was needed and all that mess, making out like people were destitute without her... ugh
Thank you guys listening
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  #6  
September 16th, 2013, 07:01 AM
Jibby's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Allow me to give you permission, as a therapist, to set a final boundary that would cut her out of your life for good.
SmilingSam likes this.
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  #7  
September 16th, 2013, 07:49 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry that you are having problems with your mother. I am not that close to my mother either. If you don't want to mend fences or feel that any effort to mend fences with your mother is futile then I wouldn't worry what anybody else thinks you should do. I would do what you want to do and if you don't want to give your mother another chance then don't feel pressured by anybody else to do so. On the other hand if you do want to give your mother another chance then you should definitely do so.
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  #8  
September 16th, 2013, 07:56 AM
acchickpea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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oh my... sorry to hear that.. It is difficult to always feel like you are the parent to them opposed to them being a parent to you. It gets tiring over time and I'm sure it sounds like you hit that point. Hope it all works out for you in the end. Take care of you and this pregnancy.. no added stress to a pregnant woman is needed.
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  #9  
September 16th, 2013, 08:38 AM
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Location: Southeast, US
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Oh man! I had an older college buddy of mine who sounds like the mother you are describing. She was either telling everyone how great her life was or blocking everyone out to cry about how lonely she was. I have a psycho mother who takes too many pills. We just have to take things day by day. She only talks with me about once every two or three weeks because she's so "busy". I have spent years in therapy to learn that you can change your responses in order to change an interaction but sometimes the environment is unwilling to change. If that's the case then you have to leave the environment. I don't think that changing your number would be unreasonable. Do whatever you need to have peace in your day. For me I know it's time for someone or something to go out of my life when my life becomes UNMANAGEABLE because of our interaction.
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  #10  
September 16th, 2013, 10:41 AM
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Family can be so difficult. I think you should follow your gut. You know what is ultimately good for you and your family and the stress of such a toxic relationship is not good for your pregnant self. Do what you feel is best and know that at least on here, we are not judging, just supporting. Good luck! (((hugs)))
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  #11  
September 16th, 2013, 10:52 AM
OscarsPaprika's Avatar Strong proud Army wife ;)
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I just can't stand her anymore.. she's manipulative, controlling, selfish, has dependency issues not just with medicines but with people, she's smothering and just...everything nobody wants around. I haven't wanted to give her another chance since that mess with my husband. Dh and I have had a lot of problems, he's an almost 30 year old man child who some days I just wanna shake to see if I can get his brain to connect, but, we have been working together and we both believe we can make it forever. I think she thrives on trying to tear people apart because my father left her with 4 kids and never looked back. I think she liked telling people she did it on her own, but now her kids are grown and we're all messed up in some way because she was a horrible selfish mother who validated herself through whatever so called man she could get her claws into. More concerned with ordering her catalog clothes than getting her kids school clothes or supplies..grr I'm sorry to go on about it, the point is, I really have no use for her in any sense. I'm just trying to be tasteful in cutting her out but I have so much disdain for her I don't know how to do it! The best thing I can think is to make it impossible for her to contact me.. *sigh*
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  #12  
September 16th, 2013, 11:02 AM
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I can relate. I have limited my contact with my mom. It was hard on my kiddos at first, but we have adjusted.
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