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Not Breastfeeding. Please put down your weapons


Forum: February 2014 Playroom

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  #21  
November 5th, 2013, 07:29 PM
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I'm so thankful for the support and to hear I'm not the only one!!! thanks ladies
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  #22  
November 6th, 2013, 05:11 AM
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Breastfeeding is something I'm extremely passionate about, but I understand why it isn't every woman's choice. What I don't understand is when a woman makes this choice before their baby is born. When I worked within midwifery I came across some women that were adverse to breastfeeding, who thought of their breasts as something sexual and couldn't seperate this in their minds (this is just a common reason I've come across). However some of these women upon giving birth to their babies felt it was something natural and continued BF for a long time. I don't see how people can make a decision until they have had their baby, thoughts and feelings change. I think women should be open to anything. Even if a woman does not want to continue breastfeeeding I would say 99% of women do give their newborn their first feed from the breast, colostrum is better than any vaccine we can give to a baby and better than any medicine for premature babies. Whenever I have gone in depth with a woman the benefits of colostrum alone for just one feed, almost all women give at least one feed before deciding whether or not to continue.
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  #23  
November 6th, 2013, 05:18 AM
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I also don't think comments like breastfeeding is very difficult are helpful or necessarily true. I breastfed my first child for 6 weeks and second for 13 months. The fact is both have pros and cons.
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  #24  
November 6th, 2013, 05:41 AM
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I also think that the comments about how difficult it was don't help on this thread. We are not taking the easy way out by choosing to bottlefeed. I've done both. The only way it was easier was emotionally, and that wasn't anything to do with actual breastfeeding, it was my situation.

As for that first post. I think that most of us are not first time moms. We have experience. We know what worked last time. For many of the problems here, these are not things that change with a new baby. You have no idea what any of us have been through. You aren't even a member of this ddc, so how do you think you know what we are facing? We are free to make our choices whenever we need to so that we do what's best for our families and ourselves, we don't need to have people coming in and judging us for choices that they really shouldn't care about.
For me, I knew almost 14 years ago that I wouldn't breastfeed again. Do you really get the right to judge if my choice is reasonable because it was so long ago? I don't think so. I have **** good reasons.
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  #25  
November 6th, 2013, 05:48 AM
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All due respect, breastfeeding can be difficult though and I don't think I'm alone in saying its better to be honest with new moms than give them a fantasized view of what it isn't for everyone. Pushing that kind of fantasy on a new mother can facilitate major depression if for whatever reason it doesn't work for them.
Support needs to be given to women no matter what they choose, and neither option can be easy. Feelings can change, that's true, but new mothers need to know they're not wrong for not wanting to try. No matter what the reason is it simply isn't for everyone, and some women can tell before baby is here it wouldn't work for them.
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  #26  
November 6th, 2013, 06:26 AM
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I don't think my post was judgemental at all, I didn't say bottle feeding is the wrong choice either, just a choice I don't think should be made before giving birth-whether you are a first time mum or had babies previously (whether that 'choice' is to breast feed or bottle feed). I don't think I was antagonising at all. Just because I said in passionate about breastfeeding doesn't mean I think it's best for every woman. I might not be part of your DDC but I don't see why I cannot comment on here and it doesn't invalidate my opinion. It upsets me that you have taken what I've said offensively when that was not my intention and upon re-reading my comment I stand by that.
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  #27  
November 6th, 2013, 06:32 AM
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I'm not saying it can't be difficult either but you have to flip the coin both sides for that. I believe women should be educated on what difficulties can arise from breastfeeding, but at the same time they should also be informed about the pro's/con's of both. Making a general comment saying it's really difficult doesn't enlighten then as to what causes these difficulties, how they can be overcome or whether it's a pain in the butt and there's no way around it. I do realise that is a whole different subject which doesn't really relate to OP though so understably isn't worthwhile going into lengths about.
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  #28  
November 6th, 2013, 06:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Third is unpredictable View Post
I believe women should be educated on what difficulties can arise from breastfeeding, but at the same time they should also be informed about the pro's/con's of both.
And I suppose YOU are the one who should do the educating? No offense, but if you aren't in this DDC, perhaps it is best to leave this conversation.
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  #29  
November 6th, 2013, 07:04 AM
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I think that its nobody elses business whether I choose before the baby is born or after the baby is born. Everyone is entitled to make their own choices for whatever reason. I don't even have to give a reason why I'm not breastfeeding its nobody's **** business but my own. Same goes for everyone else.
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  #30  
November 6th, 2013, 08:26 AM
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The original poster seems to be pretty well informed, as are most if not all the other posters that have responded. Now, if nobody is knocking people for choosing to breastfeed without thinking about what they'll do if it doesn't work out, who's to judge people that don't want to take that risk whether they've had kids or not? Or before baby is born or after? Not every breastfeeding issue can be overcome either.
I don't care if you're in this ddc or not, you knew you were stirring the pot when you posted and I think you not being in this ddc made it easier for you not to care who you offend. I'm glad you're passionate about breastfeeding, more power to you, but you need to understand we are passionate about people having a choice and making the right choice for them and their babies. You don't know anybody's reason for not wanting to, and honestly, you walking in here saying some of the things that you've said, makes me wonder if you aren't one of those people that would rather have a woman dreading her infant waking up, in pain, crying, and unable to bond because of it than have a happy, healthy, unstressed, bonded mother and child that formula feed. Despite the pros and cons of both, every woman should want to have a great feeding experience with their baby, and if formula feeding is what gives that to her, I'm going to support her and her decision, no matter if she chose to try nursing or not, or if she made the decision before or after her baby was born.
The fact is that she made that decision, and she deserves support for it.
I'd say the same for nursing mothers, I support the decision, but if it doesn't work, she should be well informed on the alternative and have a back up plan, even if she was able to nurse 10 kids before, her 11th may be different, and again, not every issue can be over come.
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  #31  
November 6th, 2013, 08:44 AM
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I have had two babies, and didn't breastfeed either, other than the first feed or two in the hospital. It just wasn't for me, for personal and other reasons. That being said, I might try again, and I might not. I know this already, even at 26 weeks pregnant. I was judged last time by certain friends IRL, and I won't let them make me feel guilty a third time. Breastfeeding is NOT the indicator of whether I love my child enough to give them everything. It absolutely, positively is not, and I would never not be supportive of a woman for whichever choice they made.
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  #32  
November 6th, 2013, 10:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Third is unpredictable View Post
I also don't think comments like breastfeeding is very difficult are helpful or necessarily true. I breastfed my first child for 6 weeks and second for 13 months. The fact is both have pros and cons.
Only con I can think of is when small not being able to be away from baby for long periods of time. I was told I HAVE to stop and switch, how am I supposed to get a babysitter and go out?? Sorry, my baby's health is more important than me getting drunk every weekend like you. People learned quick to keep their mouths shut around me let me tell ya. lol.

Mine self weaned at 3 1/2 yrs old, not a drop of formula. No it was NOT easy, or pain free, if I didnt spend hours upon hours learning I would've gave up too. I'm still learning. This one will be the same. I've asked my midwife if she checks for tongue tie at birth, she does. If this baby had a cleft palate I'd know already from U/S wouldnt I? *crossing fingers for no problems but not really worried*

The first time, I got tons of cans in the mail and from showers. I kept them around "just in case" and believe me there were many times I wanted to say **** it and open a can, but never did and glad for it. If it wasnt for my hours of research I never would've known the immediate and long term health benefits are vastly different, thats what kept me going. I am glad I was able to send them away to moms that needed them instead of throwing them out, they arent cheap!! o.0 Oh and all moms I know only bf for as long as you are "supposed to" That time is about 6 weeks btw I've had to deal with A LOT of flack, but I dealt with it and wont have to again this time thankfully (I hope)

It's a womans personal choice and no one should be dragged through the gutter like I was, no matter what choice a mom makes. I'm passionate about MY baby but wont say anything to anyone else, not my kid not my choice. Hopefully people in this part of Ontario will show me the respect of I dont tell them how to raise their kids, dont tell me how to raise mine. We shall see.
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  #33  
November 6th, 2013, 10:34 AM
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the pros and cons of BFing and FFing can be different for each individual hence the decision being different for each individual that is exactly why it is that individuals decision.

there is a difference between offering information for a person to consider while they make that decision and telling a person they arnt qualified to make a decision yet or that their decision is wrong. to be honest this conversation doesnt really have anything to do with the advantages or disadvantages of either or how many hurdles either contains. it has to do with the fact that a mother needs and should have support, easily accessed correct information, and not have to fight for her rights to care for her child........ no matter the decision she makes.
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  #34  
November 6th, 2013, 09:08 PM
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In response to Third is Unpredictable: I'm not sure that I agree that a woman should not make a decision before she gives birth. In fact, I know I don't agree! There are preparations that need to be made, both emotionally and practically (formula, bottles, etc) before birth. And while it's possible I may change my mind about not breastfeeding once the baby arrives, it is much more likely that I will stick with my original plan. Again, like the other ladies have said, it really dosent matter why that is, it is very personal to me, and a big enough hurdle that I truly feel I cannot overcome it. I HAVE done my research, and when you add in 8 years of medical training, more research than most. I know studies SUGGEST BF decreases risk of SIDS, risk of obesity, risks of infections. Again, they SUGGEST. What these studies don't figure in are the overall circumstances behind each case, and the studies could care less about measuring the overall happiness mother and baby! In short, it should not amaze anyone that FF infants go on to be happy, smiling, well adjusted, healthy, smart children, with the happy emotionally ecstatic parents supporting them. And BF infants also go on to be happy, smiling, well adjusted, healthy, smart children, with happy emotionally ecstatic parents supporting then!

So the answer is to encourage all ladies no matter what your biased opinion is. You cheer those BF moms on to fight through those painful breast feeding sessions! The breast feeding moms cheer those FF moms along to "screw the haters"!
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  #35  
November 6th, 2013, 10:01 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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BF mom, FF mom, we all get it in some way or another. BF from birth, get praised. Go past a certain point and/or NIP, get put down. FF from birth, get put down. Do it past a certain point, get praised. Double edged sword. Bottom line: baby is fed right? Whats the problem? Thankfully a majority of the negative people I know IRL are no longer a part of my life. The only ones left are my "I'm a better parent than everyone else" childless people. *sigh*.

Saw this not that long ago, this is taken WAY to far.
State Threatens to Take Baby Over Homemade Goat Milk Formula | The Healthy Home Economist
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  #36  
November 6th, 2013, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalia20 View Post
BF mom, FF mom, we all get it in some way or another.

so true and its not even always a BF vs FF thing...... I was told IN a breastfeeding support group that I shouldnt be there because I wasn't actually breastfeeding (at the time I was exclusively pumping because my son couldn't latch) and that if I were actually dedicated to my child Id be putting in the effort to get him directly on the breast and not asking about bottles so I can pawn him off whenever I please but still pretend I was actually doing the work of a real breast feeder.

I just don't get how everything is a competition like what is the point? and you wonder why ppl give up on BFing when the ppl that are "there to help" tell them they are a failure or a fake .
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  #37  
November 6th, 2013, 10:54 PM
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Wow It's those that are THAT close minded thats made me wonder if I should bother checking out one of the local LLL groups..........I have one friend that breastfed thats it, and have been debating it as I know no one IRL thats done it for more than a few weeks.
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  #38  
November 6th, 2013, 11:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Aggiedoc View Post
Due to some very personal issues, I will not be BF. I have been researching formulas and comparisons to BM and it's a pretty strong consensus that "breast is best", and I understand that. Unfortunately, I truly feel it is something I CANNOT overcome, and have decided to go all formula.

Anyone else not planning on breastfeeding???
I have personal reasons also about not Bfing. Along with some other ones like the hassels of it like the spacing between feedings, questioning how much they are getting is it enough. Just in general the stress over it. So I will be formula feeding again. I have never even tried bfing and don't want to.
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  #39  
November 6th, 2013, 11:33 PM
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Do what is best for you and your baby. I think that if mom is overlooked when the baby is born that is more of a disservice to the mother/baby dyad than people recognize! Mental health is so so so important. If you feel good with it, go with it. (That applies to everything! Not just breastfeeding )

Do you have questions about formula? I may be able to help you navigate the minefield. I am not a formula professional but I am heavily submerged in the baby world and I would be happy to offer you some pointers on formula types, bottles, things to say to ward off the psychos that think it is their business... Feel free to send me a PM.

I can also help you safely dry up your breastmilk supply. If you don't do this properly you are at risk for plugged ducts, engorgement, edema and mastitis. The latter will make you quite ill.

The WHO (World Health Organization) website has some info about it. The most informative piece of information that mamas usually don't know about formula is that the water must be boiled to sterilize the formula itself, not the water.
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  #40  
November 8th, 2013, 11:38 AM
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Although I've always been around mothers breastfeeding. I still think it's a bit weird. I also think that it's a very personal choice that only you can make and it's no one else business. However, I also know that it's a natural thing to do and that it's supposed to be good for baby. My plan is to BF exclusively for the first 2 months, if all goes well and pump along the way and in the 3rd month introduce BM in a bottle - so that she's used to the bottle before I go back to work. However, my child's health comes first and I will supplement or go formula only if she's not gaining weight or we have issues that i can't fix; like no milk. I'm all for the mentality of : this is the ideal route but I'm also quick to change it if it is necessary and do what's best for the baby and for me. I am not signing a contract...I am choosing to do/try something but I feel that it is my prerogative to change my mind -- as it's my baby and obviously my body. I may hate it, she may hate it, we both may or it may go well or horrible. We shall see and we'll adjust as needed.
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Last edited by beben14; November 8th, 2013 at 12:01 PM.
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