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Not Breastfeeding. Please put down your weapons


Forum: February 2014 Playroom

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  #1  
November 3rd, 2013, 11:17 PM
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Due to some very personal issues, I will not be BF. I have been researching formulas and comparisons to BM and it's a pretty strong consensus that "breast is best", and I understand that. Unfortunately, I truly feel it is something I CANNOT overcome, and have decided to go all formula.

Anyone else not planning on breastfeeding???
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  #2  
November 4th, 2013, 04:19 AM
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I don't plan on breastfeeding either. I know the benefits and everything but it never works out for me it is always such a struggle and honestly I hate it. It doesn't bond me with the baby it just frustrates me. It is better for me and my family to use formula.
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  #3  
November 4th, 2013, 05:25 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Upstate, NY
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I'm not breastfeeding either.
Since everyone pries as to why (and argues about any smaller issues i would blame it on), i'll just say straight out. I was in an abusive marriage when I had my first two and he did not approve of it. (hell if i know why...) His reaction to it made it impossible, and I'm not sure I'll ever be over it. He was also sexually abusive, and now some things make me uncomfortable, that I can't explain. And yes, i've been to alot of therapy. Some things will never be fixed.

I feel the same way when bringing up the fact that i'm not. Everyone attacks. And people at the hospital are awful about it. I don't love talking about it, but people push and push and push.
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  #4  
November 4th, 2013, 05:32 AM
melaniek85's Avatar Frankie and Ronin's mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Glen Burnie, Md
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My son is formula fed. I did try to breastfeed him but if just didn't work out for many reasons. I will try to breastfeed this baby but if I have the same issues, I will do formula again.
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  #5  
November 4th, 2013, 05:49 AM
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Breast feeding has never felt natural to me. I tried with all but my last baby. I felt like a complete failure and could tell the other mothers on the ward were being judgemental. But I'm not going to have a good start with my new baby if I feel panicky every time she needs to feed. I used to sit there dreading the baby waking. So ye breast feeding isn't for me. I've come to terms with it now though but other people's reactions do upset me. I mean breast is best, of course, but formula is second best.
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  #6  
November 4th, 2013, 06:14 AM
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Thinking about not breastfeeding this one. I haven't made a decision yet. DD didnt latch at all, despite trying every time she needed a feeding, until she was almost three weeks old and was on formula for that time. I was within a day of giving up, but she did eventually nurse and it worked out in the end. She spat up a lot on formula however and did have some tummy problems until formula was no longer in her diet.

It was worth the fight but it was also so stressful. I can totally relate to that panicky feeling when she would get hungry. That was by far the hardest thing for me emotionally, worse than my hugely long labor and csection and that's saying something. I'm one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet, but even that pushed me to my limits.

DH and my family and his family were very supportive whatever I chose to do after seeing me fight to nurse her so that really helped. I was formula fed but my siblings were not. DH and his sister were formula fed. I know they will be supportive whatever I choose to do with this baby and I will probably try again, but try my hardest not to sweat it if it doesn't.
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  #7  
November 4th, 2013, 06:15 AM
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Good for you for making the choice that fits you best! I'm going to try to breastfeed but honestly if it ends in me endlessly frustrated, crying because I can't get it to work....formula it will be! And I will feel no guilt! I figure baby rather have a happy, attentive, non stressed mommy than one who feels like a failure and dreads meal time.
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  #8  
November 4th, 2013, 06:56 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think to each their own. Breastfeeding is very difficult and it is not for everyone. I hate those who will try to make you feel like a bad mother because you are not breastfeeding. To them I say just mind your own business. You have to do what works best for you and your family.
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  #9  
November 4th, 2013, 06:58 AM
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I have always been an advocate of doing what works best for YOU and YOUR baby. What works best for one isn't always best for another. I breast fed both of my older kids until they self weened at a year old. It wasn't easy, it was time consuming, half the time I felt like I was just wanted/needed for milk, and it wasn't much of a bonding experience in the beginning. I dealt with everything in the book with my daughter, clogged milk ducts, metastasis, thrush (both of us), cracked and bleeding nipples. It was straight misery and I really think it interfered with the bond I had with my oldest. I dreaded her waking up, I cried every time she nursed because it was so painful, I began to resent her in a sense. With my second though it was so much better. He latched perfectly, had no issues and it was that ideal experience everyone hopes for. I am hoping to have the same experience with this one that I had with my second but if for some reason it is more like it was with my oldest I may ditch it and use formula. I don't ever want to feel resentment toward my child. I know it wasn't her fault and I still feel guilty thinking back at how much I dreaded having to feed her. It wasn't healthy for either of us. In the end it worked out but it was a long and emotionally exhausting road getting there.
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  #10  
November 4th, 2013, 07:05 AM
lovemyleah's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I didn't breast feed either of my children. I did in the hospital, and that was it. I have a few friends that were judgy and my reasons were somewhat selfish but I'm okay with that. My children are loved to death, I did nothing but bond with my babies, feeding them was still a good experience, and it worked for US. I will try this time, but I am fine if it doesn't work. In the end, my children are healthy, well loved, and the fact that I didn't breast feed them, hasn't affected them or the love they know I have for them, in the slightest.
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  #11  
November 4th, 2013, 07:10 AM
acchickpea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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For my first I had that mindset that I was all about BF till about 3 months... I lasted about 1 month (BF and formula) till I completely stopped and went to just formula... He was never satisfied and I just never know how much he was taking in... He was BF and formula fed from birth because my supply was so low... and that he was NICU so it made it easier for the nurses to give him formula.

With this one I think I'll do the same.. BF and formula feed... I want to give it a another go to see how much supply I have plus the colostrum is good for baby in the first few weeks... Once that runs out I think I'll turn to formula....
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  #12  
November 4th, 2013, 07:30 AM
rnholly's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I BF my son for about 3.5 months. After I got my IUD and then went back to work, my supply plummeted. I could barely pump 2 oz from each breast (which was a huge decrease). I was upset about having to turn to formula, but he took to it great. I will try BF this LO, but if I end up having to use formula I won't let it upset me!
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  #13  
November 4th, 2013, 10:15 AM
OscarsPaprika's Avatar Strong proud Army wife ;)
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Location: Bragg, North Carolina
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My son was born about a month early, he had no NICU time, thank goodness, but... I tried really hard to breastfeed him, he latched and I had enough milk, but when the milk would let down, he would choke. There was no right way to hold him so it didn't happen, then along with that, he would fall asleep on the boob and I'd have to unlatch him to get him to wake up.. only to fall back asleep. He was only 5lbs at birth, and he started losing weight. Then he lost some more and I started trying to supplement with high calorie preemie formula, but it caused him to have awful reflux. I kept trying, he kept choking, sleeping on the boob, and I drew the line.
I had plenty of support when I chose to stop breastfeeding, but it ate me up inside. I had a good doctor and good pediatrician, so I didn't feel judged by them, but I had it in my own head that is what I wanted and it just couldn't happen. However, when my son started gaining and keeping the formula*down, it went away pretty quick, because in the end, it's not about how we feel, it's about the babies.
I'm going to try to breastfeed again, but I'm not one that wants my kid attached to my nipples until elementary school, and I get attacked for that. If I can manage to do it this time, I only want to until she starts cutting teeth. I'm not a chewie lol I feel like there is a lot of support for breastfeeding, but not for formula, and don't get me wrong, breastfeeding is a big deal, but by no means is formula feeding easy either. It can be a challenge just the same.
No matter what the situation, you do what you feel is right and everyone that doesn't support you can keep it to themselves. Every baby, every Mother, every situation, is different, things that work for one or even a thousand, aren't going to work for everybody. You know what's best, so do that. If you feel judged by people around you just tell them it's not their place and if they want to be that way, there are so many others that won't be.
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  #14  
November 4th, 2013, 10:45 AM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Im huge on breastfeeding I worked my *** off to feed my son exclusively pumped for him while he was in the hospital and the next several months becuse of latch issues.....have delt with everything from him refusing to nurse to refusing to do anything but nurse, both over active letdown and low supply and so much more...... we still nurse and hopefully will continue for as quite some time.

everything we went through I would have stopped several times if it weren't for all the support/suggestions I was able to find (and me being a suborn mule) so Im one that will offer solutions and alternatives if I know of any becuse for me those are the things that saved our breastfeeding relationship which is very important to me and I dont want anyone to be going through the same thing and not be able to find anyhelp.

that being said Iv never understood bottle bashing your choice to formula feed is just as relevant as my choice to breastfeed and your journey needs just as much support assistance and understanding as mine does. bottle bashing actually is my biggest pet peave about the breastfeeding community to be honest becuse its such a double standard to sit there and talk about breastfeeding rights and how ppl need to be more supportive and turn around on the same page straight out attacking ppl who have not done anything against you your kids or their kids. for what? simply because they made a different choice? love how important those human rights you keep going on about become when someone disagrees with you SMH........sorry I actually chould go on for quite a while about it lol Im sorry ppl are such poops.
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  #15  
November 4th, 2013, 10:56 AM
victoria0294's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,083
This is my first pregnsncy so I personally have no experience with either. I would like to try BF, however I think that will be short lived and I'll pump and bottle feed breast milk. Since we're having twins I'll need DHs help with feeding. I don't know if I'll even be able to supply enough milk, so I may need to supplement with formula. Plus they may arrive early and be in the nicu (hopefully not for long!) so I don't know if BF will really even be an option.
I have always had the opinion that what people do is their own business. I can't believe people encounter so much negativity and judgment from other people. BF isn't for everyone!

I have a bunch of friends that recently had babies. All of them are BF, however it was difficult for some of them and easy for others. One of my friends tried BF but just didn't have much milk supply... She said she was crying trying to feed her, and finally realized that this was not bonding! She and baby were frustrated. So she pumps what she can and supplements with formula. Now they're both happy! And luckily none of the friends are judgy about it. Baby is most important!
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  #16  
November 4th, 2013, 03:45 PM
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I've never understood the bashing about bottle feeding. You do what is best for you and baby. If you just aren't comfortable breastfeeding, or even just don't feel like doing it. Then go ahead and bottle feed.
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  #17  
November 4th, 2013, 04:32 PM
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I bf my son exclusively for 3 weeks before being forced to supplement with formula when he was 3 weeks old. He just kept losing weight. I later found out that my low milk supply was due to my hypothyroidism. It was a very emotional time to say the least. I felt like a failure. I continued to nurse and formula feed together for the first 3 1/2 months until my milk completely dried up.

I would like to also try breast feeding this baby, but if everything I try doesn't work this time around, I am going to switch to formula and try not to be so hard on myself. In the end my son did really well on formula. He loved it and the bottle and so did my dh. Dh always wanted to help with the feeding and once we had to supplement he got to be a part of feeding too. Honestly I really enjoyed both and there are real benefits to both too. I say you should do what ever feels right to you and your family and DO NOT let anyone make you question your choice!
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  #18  
November 4th, 2013, 07:16 PM
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I tried to BF with my 3 oldest and it was awful. I decided not to with my youngest and I won't with this one either. I'm just not going to put myself through it.
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  #19  
November 4th, 2013, 07:59 PM
PrettyMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I tried breastfeeding my first and it just didn't work. I had no idea what I was doing and ended up just formula feeding him. I almost gave up with dd also. My nips hurt so bad that I cried. It's no easy thing I will admit that. I don't knock anyone who chooses not to. I plan to bf but it's not for everyone and you have to do what's right for you and little one.
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  #20  
November 4th, 2013, 08:11 PM
PrettyMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewGurl View Post
Im huge on breastfeeding I worked my *** off to feed my son exclusively pumped for him while he was in the hospital and the next several months becuse of latch issues.....have delt with everything from him refusing to nurse to refusing to do anything but nurse, both over active letdown and low supply and so much more...... we still nurse and hopefully will continue for as quite some time.

everything we went through I would have stopped several times if it weren't for all the support/suggestions I was able to find (and me being a suborn mule) so Im one that will offer solutions and alternatives if I know of any becuse for me those are the things that saved our breastfeeding relationship which is very important to me and I dont want anyone to be going through the same thing and not be able to find anyhelp.

that being said Iv never understood bottle bashing your choice to formula feed is just as relevant as my choice to breastfeed and your journey needs just as much support assistance and understanding as mine does. bottle bashing actually is my biggest pet peave about the breastfeeding community to be honest becuse its such a double standard to sit there and talk about breastfeeding rights and how ppl need to be more supportive and turn around on the same page straight out attacking ppl who have not done anything against you your kids or their kids. for what? simply because they made a different choice? love how important those human rights you keep going on about become when someone disagrees with you SMH........sorry I actually chould go on for quite a while about it lol Im sorry ppl are such poops.
I completely agree. It is indeed a double standard and I hate people to bash others for their choice not to breastfeed. I have done both and agree they are both relevant and take effort and require support. I would never down someone for not breastfeeding, it's just wrong. I think we all have the right to make our own choices and it's not a bad one either way you go. It's whats best for you.
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