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I don't even know what I came here to say. I have felt so broken emotionally lately but today especially. I know hormones have something to do with it, but I feel like it's more than just that. I just feel like I can't deal with the things I need to deal with. There's too much. Everything is falling on my shoulders right now. Every bit of responsibility, bills, pets, kids, house, anything that needs to get done will not get done unless I do it. My husband is dealing with chronic severe pain that has rendered him useless. His sleep has been really messed up because of it, so he sleeps off and on throughout the day, leaving me pretty much alone with DS. My teenager is no help at all. She's a typical 16 year old leech I guess. We've had one car since May because the other one has a FLAT TIRE. (I swear if we had two cars, I would have packed up my son today and left. To where, I don't know.) The cooler has not been working well, so the house has been so hot. I have no energy to clean, especially in the heat. My house is a wreck, and I can't function well in the messy environment. It's like a vicious cycle. I finally got up the energy to go grocery shopping this evening. It was sorely needed. DH didn't get out of bed until 7pm. I feel like I am going to crazy. I know this is not good for me or my baby. All I wanna do is leave. Of course, I can't and won't. DH is starting physical therapy on Tuesday. Hopefully we see results quickly. I don't know how much more I can take. I can't stand being in this terrible mood all the time and seeing how it affects my son. I'm just so tired and worn out. I feel like a failure at being human right now. Ugh. Sorry so long and pathetic. I'm not really looking for any sympathy or advice or whatever, just trying to get some of these emotions out.
I got the house (mostly) cleaned yesterday despite the cooler completely breaking the night before. 106F with no cooling! ***. Luckily the house is burnt adobe brick so it stayed relatively bearable. Anyways, so I got the house cleaned up and I wake up this morning to find a load of drywall on the floor by the front door. About a 4x3 sq ft area of the ceiling just fell out. I guess the cooler leaked too much water onto the roof. UGH. Seriously.
The good news is I'm off to get ready to go to my u/s that is less than an hour away.