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Pregnant with 3rd, on BCP, DH not happy....


Forum: March 2014 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy
  • 2 Post By Believingforonemore
  • 1 Post By Eleanor-Abigail
  • 3 Post By mom2ariana
  • 1 Post By reereetx
  • 1 Post By lilmeg

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  #1  
July 29th, 2013, 02:12 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Fredericksburg, TX
Posts: 355
Hello everyone, I'm at a loss. I've been on BCP's for a year now (since I had my Mirena removed a year ago). We have 2 children (a DD that is 15 and DS that just turned 7). I just found out I was pg with our 3rd (BFP on July 23). My HCG level on Thursday was 570 and Saturday was over 1200, so definitely climbing. It was a complete shock and I cried when I saw the BFP. I'm 32 and I just felt I was done having children. I just can't even picture raising another one. What threw me for a loop is that my DH is saying we just can't afford it and that he just has a "bad" feeling about it and his gut is always right. So he says. So of course he is talking about termination. I just don't know that I can go through with it. I have been crying for days. Sometimes bawling uncontrollably. I don't know how I make it through a work day especially trying to keep on this "happy" face which I think is pretty obvious is not happy. I'm sad, depressed, scared, confused, etc.

I love my children more than anything and I feel love for this one already too. If something were to happen naturally, than so be it. But I just can't even fathom doing something intentionally. No, I do not see where we can afford another baby without feeling like the other 2 will have to sacrifice. Our DD will be going to college in 3 years. We already make ends meet but just enough and I feel we cut corners whereever we can already. I get all that. BUT I just cannot seem to feel the same way that DH does. I just would never be able to live my life with true happiness. I'm a Christian woman and try to live my life in a Christian way and I've always been against abortion. But at the same time I know that a woman is supposed to follow what her husband wishes. I know times have changed and many women don't feel that way anymore. I feel if I go against his wishes....I might as well kiss my 15 year marriage goodbye (15 year anniversary is Aug 1).

We have an u/s scheduled next Monday August 5th and I just hope that DH will have a change of heart when he actually sees it. I actually called my dr first because of the fact that I was on BCP's and Spironolactone and we thought perhaps it was giving me the false BFP. But it wasn't. I'm just going through he!!
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  #2  
July 29th, 2013, 03:01 PM
jes81878's Avatar Jennifer
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Burlington, KY
Posts: 613
I'm sorry for the things you are going through, and I hope your husband has a change of heart. You are the one that is going to have to live with your decision, and I wouldn't let anyone force you into something you are not comfortable with. Good luck to you.
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  #3  
July 29th, 2013, 03:09 PM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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Im so sorry you guys have to go through all that. Very scary and a hard decision. If you are against it though you can't have an abortion. If having a child will ruin your marriage so will him pushing you for an abortion. I hope he can come to terms with it and that you guys can find a way to afford it.
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  #4  
July 29th, 2013, 05:55 PM
Impatientlywaiting's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Indiana
Posts: 279
I agree with Sarah. This is a decision you'd have to live with forever and I wouldn't go along with anyone's wishes that included that. Just my 2 cents though
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  #5  
July 29th, 2013, 06:44 PM
Pray, then pray some more
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,058
You know I'm not part of the DDC but I did come across your post as I was looking for bfp threads. I went through the same thing with my third child. Honestly I wanted to leave my husband and having another child with him made me want to vomit. I cried, I was depressed and I even resented the pregnancy. But 13 years later I'm so glad I had that child. I did eventually end up divorced. And I can honestly say that if it weren't for her I don't know where I would be right now. I am so glad I had her.
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  #6  
July 29th, 2013, 06:50 PM
Eleanor-Abigail's Avatar Keep Calm and Baby Dance
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 378
WOW. I feel really bad for you. for the 3 posters ahead of me.

Also, it doesn't seem (to me) that being Christian = allowing your DH to be a (synonym for donkey) and force you to do something you know goes against what you believe in. As far as being unhappy, erm, he does understand how the process works, right?

You say you've been married 15 years, and your oldest is 15. That tells me you two got married very young, and faced what probably looked like really long odds at the time. You've made it 15 years, plus you have another child. This one would be your third child, 7/8 years apart from its nearest sibling. Your oldest will be able to work and earn a little extra money soon, and both kids can help care for their sibling and gain some invaluable life skills in the process.

Spend some time praying about this, meet with your pastor or another spiritual advisor if you think it will help, and do what you are called to do. You did the right thing by coming here to ask for advice.

(Disclaimer: I'm not in the March DDC. I clicked on this thread thinking, "Hah! How come that's not me?" Funny how we all need to walk our own path.)

I wish the best for you. YOU GOT THIS!
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  #7  
July 29th, 2013, 07:44 PM
Eleanor-Abigail's Avatar Keep Calm and Baby Dance
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oops, double post.
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Last edited by Eleanor-Abigail; July 29th, 2013 at 07:52 PM. Reason: Double post
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  #8  
July 30th, 2013, 01:35 PM
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Location: Southwest Chicago 'burbs
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This must be so hard to deal with. In the end the decision is yours, but you need to remember that for your husband, it might not be real until he sees the baby, whether on ultrasound or after birth. It is different for a Mom. Once, while 6 months pregnant with twins, my ex husband told me he doesn't think it is a good idea to have the babies. It took a lot for me to understand that he wasn't carrying them so he couldn't bond. He is also my ex now, so I learned a lot about him.
Just follow your heart. You can do it if you set your mind to it. I am 36 and expecting and my oldest is turning 18 in 23 days. Starting over is scary and wonderful.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
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  #9  
July 30th, 2013, 01:45 PM
mom2ariana's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 570
I'm a Christian and my husband is also. We believe that the wife is to respect her husband and allow him to be a spiritual leader. But this does not mean that the husband gets to lead the wife into sin.

I urge you to speak with a pastor / christian counselor. They will be able to point you to the Word and show you that we are to respect our husbands, but that does not mean that we aren't to obey God. God is still supposed to be our God; our husband is not to become our God. When we allow our husband to lead us into sin, then we are allowing our husband to be our God.

Just my two cents!
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  #10  
July 30th, 2013, 02:16 PM
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Location: Fredericksburg, TX
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[QUOTE=mom2ariana;27552635]When we allow our husband to lead us into sin, then we are allowing our husband to be our God.[QUOTE]


You made an excellent point and a good way to look at it. I've come to my decision and I will keep this baby and I know we can make it work...you have to have a positive attitude right?

I love my DH with all of my heart but I love my children too, even unborn. If he feels he just can't live with that, I don't know what else to do but at least I will feel I really did make the right decision.

Thank you all! Please just keep praying that this turns out for the best.
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  #11  
July 30th, 2013, 03:21 PM
lilmeg's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 306
We're here for you Ree. I can't imagine what it feels like to be in that position, but I agree that although we should love and repect our husband as the leaders of our families, you can't follow when he's leading you to directly go against God. Paying for strength for you and a change of heart for him.
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  #12  
July 30th, 2013, 08:28 PM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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Im glad you are happy in your decision. Im guessing he will come around, its probably a huge shock to him and goign to take some adjustment. But good news is you still have 7-8 months to prepare.
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