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Where does my son belong?


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
April 1st, 2008, 03:35 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
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I don't know where I belong! Brittanie, Melissa...you have been SO welcoming, and I have taken your posts and memorized them because of your strength...

in my mind, my son was born still...but do we fit in here? I don't know! I carried him for 19 weeks; not full term by any means.

Here's a link to Marshall's pictures: http://www.justmommies.com/boards/index.ph...owtopic=1032927 He's named after the Deacon at my Church. See, the day told him we lost the baby, his words brought Joe closer to God. So, of course, there was no other name that would suit our angel.

Today was an ok day...I only cried half the day. My kids help to make the noise I need to keep busy enough to not be sorrowful. But, I am starting to bleed more than the dr. wanted.

SOrry for being so scatterbrained. I can't think straight.
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  #2  
April 1st, 2008, 04:17 PM
Sebastians_mom
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Hon, I know how you feel not knowing where to belong. My son wasn't born still but I find I belong here. I think the place you feel most comfortable in is where you belong. I just float between this forum and the pregnancy lost forum, as it seems most of the women do.

As long as you write it down somewhere when you want us to listen, we will read it no matter which forum you post it on.

((hug))
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  #3  
April 1st, 2008, 07:03 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: MA
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I think you would be welcome here if you wished to be in this forum. I know it's hard to decide where you fit.... I have that issue not on the stillbirth problem but the infertility/TTC side of things.

*hugs*
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  #4  
April 1st, 2008, 07:54 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I'm so sorry! You shouldn't have to find a place to fit.

I post many different places. My son was stillborn, but I feel I fit in all the grief boards. Please, whenever you feel like talking, just post it anywhere. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Marshall.

I love the pictures. I'm so glad you got so many and were able to hold him and spend time with him.
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  #5  
April 1st, 2008, 09:51 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Honestly, I think you belong here more than pregnancy loss. A loss at 19 weeks isn't just a pregnancy anymore. It is a baby. I have miscarried before and I understand the heartache that comes with that. What you experienced is SOOOO much more than just a m/c. I don't even consider my pregnancies babies until 13 weeks (even tho I know they are). I seperate myself emotionally so if I did m/c again, I won't be so attached as I would with a baby after 13 weeks. I am not saying that it should be this way with everyone, but that is my own opinion.

Altho, we do jump back and forth between PL and here, I like it better here because I don't feel the ladies with misscarriages truely understand what we go thru as stillborn parents. Just like I couldn't even imagine holding my baby as they pass away, which some of our outstanding moms have done here. We will never truely understand until we go thru that. I cannot stand when my son or any other stillborn baby is refered to as "second or third trimester miscarriage" or fetal demise. If I have to stand on the freaking rooftops and scream it, my baby was not a misscarriage. I held him. I seen him. I felt him. I took pictures of him. I cried and held him. That doesn't happen with a miscarriage.


You had to give birth to a still baby. Nobody will understand unless they have been there. PL is great for general support, but if you are looking for support specifically for your son or your feelings about him or your grief, here is the best place IMO.

You belong where ever you feel comfortable, if that means PL, then go for it. But you are always welcome here. I consider your baby stillborn, a 19 week cut off doesn't mean nothing to me, he was still your son.

<3
I am so sorry you had to go thru the loss of your baby. **hugs**
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Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



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  #6  
April 1st, 2008, 09:53 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yeah, what LeAnn said.
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  #7  
April 1st, 2008, 09:59 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wanted to add I just looked at the pics in your post. What a beautiful little boy you have! I am in tears because it broke my heart looking at you and your husband and son. I am so sorry that you had to go thru this.

I look back at the pictures of my son and I still see things that I don't remember seeing at the time. I don't remember the skin peeling, the bruising, and all the other "unpleasant" things that pictures capture. My mind captured pure beauty. That is what I will always remember. Try not to dwell on the pics to much. I drove myself crazy looking at all the little things in my pics. I would look at him and cry and cry. I feel like I missed what my son really looked like, but it is amazing how when we see our babies, the "imperfections" don't matter and we don't really remember them.

**hugs**
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Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



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  #8  
April 2nd, 2008, 02:50 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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hun im so sorry u ve had to join us here im claire i lost my daughter in 05 at 24 weeks jessica, u can post where u feel is right for u hun u had a baby u gave birth and held him, i have also had a early m/c and can honestly say there is no cmparison i carried grew my daughter i pushed her into this world i held her and buried her she was born still i hate that word she was born sleeping if this is how u feel then go ahead and post here
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  #9  
April 2nd, 2008, 04:38 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks, ladies. I didn't want to presume to post here if we didn't belong. LeAnn, omg...I can so relate. I wanted to choke the people who used "Fetal demise" in front of me. ###### it ...I gave birth to a baby, not a fetus.

I didn't sleep last night, so I am going to take a happy pill and rest.

Thank you ladies.

And, I want you all to know, that it sucks to have to be in this club, but I am so happy to have great company in it. Love to you all.
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  #10  
April 2nd, 2008, 06:04 AM
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Heather I lurk here and drift between here PG Loss and Loss of a Child. I truly am not ANY of those. Calypso was a Neonatal loss. A whole other ball of wax. So I just kind of go to where I see need. If someone here needs to talk I listen, if someone in PG loss needs to talk I listen there also
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  #11  
April 2nd, 2008, 10:23 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I was hoping you'd stop by here sweetie. I go back and forth between PL and here. I first joined pregnancy loss because this board was so quiet. I sort of wish it had stayed that way, but unfortunately that's not the way things are going to be.


Anyway, I agree with everyone else. If you are comfortable here, then post here. You got to hold your Marshall, and take pictures of him, that means I think you fit here. It's a whole different experience.

And what Leann said about the pictures is true. DH touched up all of ours, so the ones I see most of the times are "clean" ones, but we still have the untouched ones in a folder. At first I couldn't bear to look at them because I like Leann, so all the imperfections. But I do go look at them every once and a while to see her how she REALLY was. It's less painful now, and sometimes my mood is such that I don't want to see the "nicer" pictures, I want to see the reality of my baby.


Anyway, I'm just babbling now. I'm sorry you have to join us here, but we welcome you with open loving arms.

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  #12  
April 2nd, 2008, 12:43 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I couldn't understand why they had to keep saying fetal demise in front of me too. I asked one nurse to stop saying it, that is how much she said it. I cannot believe they aren't more caring and watch what they say around moms that are going thru a rough time.
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My trio: Alyssa 7, Tristan 4.75, Gavin 1.5

I am a mixture of all that and a bag of chips... IJS



Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



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  #13  
April 2nd, 2008, 01:57 PM
Melissa02909's Avatar Super Mommy
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You belong here. You can always count on the ladies here for support. They rock. If you need to vent, please, please post. There are always people to lend a helping hand. You lost a child. No matter at what stage. You have lost a child.

I am sorry for your loss. If you need anything...please let us know.

Kisses and Hugs,
Melissa
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  #14  
April 3rd, 2008, 05:27 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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heather - when I heard what happened I immediately posted it in here and you belong where you think you belong
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  #15  
April 3rd, 2008, 08:29 AM
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I just wanted to tell you that your sweet son is beautiful.

HUGS to you and all the Moms....

Mary
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  #16  
April 3rd, 2008, 12:39 PM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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well said
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