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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
April 13th, 2009, 08:40 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Is the day that I went in for my ultrasound and heard those words that we all know too well, "there is no heartbeat". Its like those words and the next couple of days are just playing over and over again in my head. I remember exactly how I felt at that moment, remember everything that was going through my head. I remember showing up at the hospital and sitting in the cold, silent room staring at the bed and thinking, I shouldnt' be here for about 3 more months, and then I should be rushed into that bed and get to push. Nothing was the way it was "supposed" to be. I remember the nurse sitting in there talking to me when all I wanted her to do is leave! Why?? Why do I have to relive this pain each and every time. It hurts just as badly now as it did then. I feel it as though it is happening right now. And yet next week will be better. I just have to get through the weekend.

Everyone knows that Abby's birthday is coming up and yet nobody is saying anything. It would be nice to hear them say her name. It would be nice if dh would talk to me or spend time with me. Feels like everytime I need him the most, he is not there. He wants to forget and I want to remember! Ugghh, I just want my baby girl to be here with me.
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  #2  
April 14th, 2009, 08:04 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
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oh hun im just so sorry every year people think it gets easier for us but for me anyway it gets harder and harder nobody understands!

i hate the fact that noone says anything no mention of her name or anything!

hugs hun ill be thinking of you!
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  #3  
April 14th, 2009, 08:33 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
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I agree with Claire, in a way it gets harder. Each day is taking us one day further from our babies, one day further from holding them and touching them, and feeling them move.

I'm sorry nobody's saying anything.

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  #4  
April 14th, 2009, 09:10 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Im so sorry. It does get harder in many ways. I'm learning that daily.

*hugs* I will be thinking of you.
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  #5  
April 14th, 2009, 11:29 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
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I feel that way, too. As time goes on it feels like he slips away even more.

I'm so sorry. I know her birthday must be so hard, espcially if no one is willing to talk about her.
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  #6  
April 14th, 2009, 01:00 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Maitland, Florida
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*hugs* I echo everyone else in here I'm So sorry
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  #7  
April 14th, 2009, 03:33 PM
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I agree with the other moms. I am sorry, people don't understand that it's so important to still talk even years later.
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  #8  
April 14th, 2009, 03:47 PM
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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I'm so sorry, hun.
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  #9  
April 15th, 2009, 12:29 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
Nobody even gave me that. Everyone was quiet until my OB got there and told me, but I knew.

**hugs** to you.
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  #10  
April 17th, 2009, 12:17 AM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
This is why I'm terrified for August to come this year. I know I'm just going to replay it all over and over and over in my head. I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with it.

I hope you made it through her 2nd angelversary fine (as fine as one possibly can in our situation). to you.
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  #11  
April 17th, 2009, 08:14 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 65
I am so very sorry that you feel this way. We all recognize Abby, and that she is very much a part of your life. When I was in the hospital one of the nurses said something that I will never forget. She told us that people want to say things to comfort us but a lot of the times they just don't know what to say...so they don't. There is a part of me that thinks that I would rather have them acknowledge our baby...but then again I don't want them to say the wrong thing and have it hurt even more. I was really amazed at the number of women who came to me after we lost our son and told me that they too had gone through the same thing....and I never knew. I am not trying to justify behaviors...but we do live in a tangible society and if people personally did not go through this they do forget. Try not to take this personally...and know that we are here and that we do remember Abby. As far as your DH is concerned, I know that mine will rarely break down and talk about our son. I honestly believe it is because he is trying to be "strong" when I am not. It is a guy thing but I know that if I need him he is there. Lots of hugs are being sent your way!
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