Log In Sign Up

"But you DON'T understand"


Forum: Stillbirth

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Stillbirth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
April 14th, 2009, 03:34 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
I can't take it anymore. Really. I know people try to, and they don't mean any harm, but really...you can't understand.

My friend and I were discussing that it's so easy to be excited for mothers who have lost who become pregnant again, but even though we are pregnant, we resent seeing non-loss mommies.

I feel a sense of separation from most women. I can't explain it. In some ways, this is just like my other pregnancies. I don't feel the sense of foreboding that I had with Marshall. In other ways, I am paranoid, and even depressed about the pregnancy.

So when other mothers tell me "I understand how you feel", I want to shout...no...no you don't!

Another rambling session over
__________________
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
April 14th, 2009, 04:29 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,564
I got so jealous of the women in the infant section who were so excited, and so happy. I got jealous of the women who were buying boxes and boxes of wipes and diapers to "stock up." I resented them for never having to return a box, not because they got too many of one size, but because their baby wouldn't ever need it. I get jealous that they don't feel like if they do something, they'll "jinx" the pregnancy.

I've had two pregnancies after Cora, but every day of both those pregnancies I went to sleep with the fear that night will have been the last of my baby's life.

*sigh*

You're right, they don't understand.




((I just noticed you have my Cora blinkie in your sig early. Made me smile and want to cry all at once. You're wonderful))
__________________
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog


Reply With Quote
  #3  
April 14th, 2009, 04:29 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,564
I really hate it when the stupid thing double posts.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
April 14th, 2009, 05:59 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
The first thing they taught me in social work school was to never, ever utter the phrase "I know how you feel" or anything like it.
__________________



Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!


Reply With Quote
  #5  
April 14th, 2009, 06:30 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
Yeah, that. They can't possibly know how we feel.... and that's fine, I mean, they can't possibly, but don't SAY you do when you don't! No body knows how angering it is to see people pregnant who just take it for granted, who have no idea the kind of fear we live in.

Even me... I thought I knew what it was going to be like, being pregnant after a loss, I've spent a year envisioning it... oh no. It's worse. It's terrifying. No, they can't possibly know.
__________________



2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
Reply With Quote
  #6  
April 14th, 2009, 07:07 PM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 32.918289,-97.272266
Posts: 1,758
Ah, yes. That phrase. "I know how you feel." One time, someone said that to me, and in a moment of sheer *****iness I asked "Really? How do I feel, then?" That person stuttered and rambled on with some answer, to which I replied "No, that's not at all how I feel." I can't remember what context this conversation was in, but I really don't like the "I know how you feel" phrase.
__________________


Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!

I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).





*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
Reply With Quote
  #7  
April 14th, 2009, 07:43 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
yes I got those words in my subsequent pregnancies and it makes me want to scream. I was also told how lucky I was to have all the extra appointments and tests but they didn't get how I wished I didn't need them and every one while reassuring also reminded me why I was different from the happy go-lucky moms.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
April 14th, 2009, 09:13 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,564
Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraG View Post
yes I got those words in my subsequent pregnancies and it makes me want to scream. I was also told how lucky I was to have all the extra appointments and tests but they didn't get how I wished I didn't need them and every one while reassuring also reminded me why I was different from the happy go-lucky moms.
They also don't realize the sheer panic before each and every one of those tests. Honestly, with Patrick, I was having NSTs twice a week. And a biophysical profile ultrasound once a week. And he could be moving as I walked into the room and I still panicked as they put the heartbeat monitor on my belly. And I'd go from a good NST to the BPP, and I would be terrified that we'd see that his heart had stopped beating. So while it's good to have all the extra tests, it's an extra opportunity to flash back to those horrible moments too.
__________________
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog


Reply With Quote
  #9  
April 14th, 2009, 11:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
I HATE that comment too. They all "know" how we feel because they can "imagine" it. lol Yeah right, they don't have a clue until they walked in our shoes! I totally agree with the other ladies.
__________________
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.

Reply With Quote
  #10  
April 15th, 2009, 01:56 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
Send a message via MSN to claire1979
i think they should have a special course in '' what not to say'' because i swear i could go insane the amount of times i have bitten my tongue!
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #11  
April 15th, 2009, 04:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittanie View Post
They also don't realize the sheer panic before each and every one of those tests.

So while it's good to have all the extra tests, it's an extra opportunity to flash back to those horrible moments too.
I couldn't agree more. I would know everything was fine but when they put the heart monitor on and couldn't pick up the heartbeat that second I would tense up and start to panic.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
April 15th, 2009, 04:55 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
Yep.

I also want to scream at everyone in the baby sections and maternity stores now. They're all giddy (and granted, we are too now), but....it just makes me mad. I want to tell them all the terrible things that can happen, out of nowhere, and I want to tell them I don't get to be naive and innocent anymore.

And no one can know how it feels until it happens to them. It happened to one of my best friends in 2005 and I didn't understand until November 2008.
__________________
Visit Terry & Roald's Memorial Site!















Thanks to Mommy2Belle for my Roald blinkie!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:42 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0