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Not dealing Very well lately

Forum: Stillbirth


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April 20th, 2009, 03:48 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: DC, BC
Posts: 3,554
Oh man

When I was pregnant with D we had our wedding planned, date set, deposits paid, dress, rings, EVERYTHING. We lost D one month before the wedding, so obviously we canceled. My sister was pregnant at the same time, also with a little boy - and she got to keep hers. Now she is getting married and wants Mattea to be a flower girl and me to be a bridesmaid and I tried Mattea's flower girl dress on from our wedding and it fits perfectly. I started crying. It isn't fair Why did I have to lose my son and throw off everything in my life and her life is so god **** Easy?? Ugh, I mean I'm happy for her, I'm just jealous!! I don't know if I'm gonna be able to not bawl my eyes out watching her wedding, her little son the age Damian should be, as the ring bearer, my daughter in the dress she was suppose to wear in my wedding....It's all too much of a reminder of what we lost. Ugh I hate feeling this way I should married with a 2 year old daughter and an 4 month old son, and I'm not Thank goodness I am pregnant again and have a wonderful beautiful little girl...but dammit... I miss my son and I just ... I dont know....ugh I'm so stoked to be pregnant again and can't wait to meet this little one, but it's not D .... I know you're the only ones that will ever understand and I totally need a shoulder to cry on today

Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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April 20th, 2009, 04:09 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Awwww, honey, It's really hard to watch others have those things that got ripped from us. I'm sorry that you're so upset.

I really wish I had something great to say, but I don't.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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April 20th, 2009, 05:09 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385

I don't have any words of wisdom, either. It DOES suck! I think sometimes we deal so well with crap that when we allow ourselves to feel it it buries us.

I'm sorry, sweetie D
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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April 20th, 2009, 06:44 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 789
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish there was a button we could just push and make everything suddenly amazing but that is not happening. It's just not fair. Stay strong. We are always here for you!
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April 20th, 2009, 08:47 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6,834
I'm so sorry you have to go through this now. It must be so difficult for you.

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April 21st, 2009, 05:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
I am so sorry
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April 21st, 2009, 06:03 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
That would all bother me, too. I even get a little jealous about weddings. We were married very shortly before we got pregnant the first time and I miss being innocent and naive. Plus our reception was a disaster and everyone who came sort of made us feel like it was the most boring thing they'd ever been to (mostly because we wanted no alcohol).

But...that is nothing like feeling jealous of someone who has not had to suffer any major losses in life, especially something like a baby. I feel really sad this pregnancy too. I am excited as all get-out, but at the same time I just miss Roald.

Visit Terry & Roald's Memorial Site!

Thanks to Mommy2Belle for my Roald blinkie!
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April 21st, 2009, 06:05 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
Send a message via MSN to claire1979
big hugs hun i hate the fact that its not just our baby we lost its our whole lives afterwards i hate the fact that we should be...........:dotghug:

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