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Milestones that I'll never reach


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
April 28th, 2009, 09:12 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
I am just so sad today... so many of the babies that were due when Devin was are now walking and starting to talk. My sadness isn't because I miss that - it's because I don't even know what it would feel like to have a child who is running around my house. It's this pipe dream that at this point I can't even imagine.... I still don't even have that to look forward to. I really really thought that by this point I'd at least be well pregnant, looking forward to the future with the next child... sure it would still hurt, knowing that Devin would never get to do those things, but at least *I* would get to experience it. I know it'll happen... someday.... but it's been nearly 14 months since Devin was born, 21 months since I first got pregnant, 3 and a half YEARS since we decided to have a baby. And I'm not even freaking pregnant.

That's why this current loss ticks me off so very much... why it makes me just want to start shrieking. I finally had another chance and now it's gone, too! Now I'm back to waiting, not knowing when, not knowing if.

I just want a flipping baby. People do it all over the world, over and over again... some people with many, some people when they don't even want it. And yet I can't?? Can't even have ONE?
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  #2  
April 28th, 2009, 09:17 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I'm sorry honey. It's got to be so hard. I know if it were me I'd feel like the universe hated me or something. You'll be a great mother, I know it, I wish I could just tell you when.
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  #3  
April 28th, 2009, 09:48 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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nat hun it must be torture and im just so sorry that i cant do anything to make it better i wish for nothing more for u to have another baby to have and to hold its just incredibly unfair to go throu what u have and have ur heart broken its not just that devin was born sleeping u have given everything possible to have a baby and u are very strong cause u r twice the woman id be ( now im crying ) as u ve said before hun u should have a pass that says u have a baby after a loss. i hope u can get throu this natalie
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  #4  
April 28th, 2009, 08:17 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Edmonton, AB
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I know how you feel. I have wanted to have a baby for over 5 years. We tried for two years and finally last year we got pregnant. In december we lost our son. We want children running around our house as well. It is very frustrating
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  #5  
April 30th, 2009, 08:38 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
You are just another example of why my pregnant sister is driving me nuts. She rode with us to Missouri...she smoked at EVERY stop...which was every 2 freaking hours!!! he smoked all the time we stayed in MO. Then she rode with my parents (than kGod) on the way back...and who had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth every break????

And then there is someone like you....who I'm sure would never walk around smoking her butt off if pregnant. Who would not take a baby for granted. Who would not take getting pregnant by accident for granted. Ugh!!!! I'm so sorry, Nat
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