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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
April 29th, 2009, 03:47 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
3 years ago today. It was a Saturday. A few friends of mine threw together a small surprise baby shower. I had been in SERIOUS pain the few days leading up. Contractions, vaginal pain, etc. And "morning" sickness had returned with a vengeance. They wanted to cheer me up.


Someone asked me how I was feeling.

I said "I almost don't care about the baby, I just don't want to be pregnant anymore."

The next day was the last day she was alive.

Two days later she was born. And I wasn't pregnant anymore.
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  #2  
April 29th, 2009, 04:18 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385


I have so many with Jonah..."I don't get the feeling that this l/o will leave. We'll get to keep this little one"..

and so on...

*********************HUGS**********************

Cora is your angel, but she's guided me through all this *$*%....I love her so dearly...and am thinking of you.
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  #3  
April 29th, 2009, 04:21 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Indiana
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The day before Calypso died i said 'I'll come back and say goodbye before we go home love, I promise.'

I left the hospital without saying goodbye. On the way home I had the most horrible feeling ever and had a panic attack saying 'OMG what if she dies before I said goodbye' Haunts me to this day
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  #4  
April 29th, 2009, 04:28 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
I told Ethan he was in sooo much trouble for giving me such severe morning sickness. My poor little guy was dying, and I was MAD at him.
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  #5  
April 29th, 2009, 05:20 PM
littlebeansmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 695
I complained all the time that KT was TOO active, running marathons around mommy's belly. I just wanted him to give it a rest. He's taking an eternal rest now.
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  #6  
April 29th, 2009, 06:29 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: DC, BC
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DD was 15 months old and still breastfeeding when I got pregnant with D. It was the middle of the night, and I hadn't slept, Mattea was up crying - so I started nursing her and it hurt and I was tired and uncomfortable and I thought to myself "I can't do this, I can't do two kids..it's not in me. If I lose this baby I'll learn and we'll just stick with one. I can handle one."
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  #7  
April 29th, 2009, 07:13 PM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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In the 5 years leading up to --- and including --- fertility treatments, I kept praying to God "Dear God, I pray to you for a healthy pregnancy and all I ask for is the chance to be a mom to one healthy baby."

Seems to me I got that chance to be a mom to ONE healthy baby. The other one died
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  #8  
April 29th, 2009, 07:23 PM
Super Mommy
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Location: CT
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Dh and I were having a really big fight in the beginning of the pregnancy and I was crying and said "Maybe it was a mistake trying for another baby" I had a bad feeling the entire pregnancy...but I thought the omphalocele diagnosis was why I had that feeling....I never thought I would have gotten all the way through, right when you think you're in the clear and then come home without him.

Something else that haunts me is that the doctor gave me the option of inducing that day at my 39wk appt and I said no, lets wait and see if anything happens this week, if we hit 40 we'll induce. But when I went for the 40wk appt there was no heartbeat. I know that its not my fault that he died, but I am kicking myself for not inducing early. Even if his cord was tight then, we would have seen the decels on the monitor and maybe gotten him out in time. I just have to keep thinking "If he was meant to be here, he would...and nothing I could have done would have changed the fact that God wanted him in Heaven"

And finally, I stumbled on a thread about umbilical cord accidents on another board and wish I didn't read what I did because it was so close to Joey's birth/death. But yesterday I found a link in a thread here and read the research related to UCA's and I had many of the experiences described that were warnings Joey was in trouble. I am not mad at my doctors because most of the stuff I would never think to mention to my doc...but I'm going to print the article and bring it to my 6wk pp appt because these are things the doctors need to be telling their patients. Apparently because of his single umbilical artery there was already a 15% chance of stillbirth (which nobody told me), plus his omphalocele, and it turns out the cord was also around his neck. I just feel so bad for the little guy. I cant tell you how many times during the pregnancy I said I wish there was a little window so I could check on him and see what he was up to..............................................
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010


Last edited by J_n_JsMommy; April 29th, 2009 at 07:30 PM.
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  #9  
April 29th, 2009, 07:27 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6,834
We were thrilled at the fact that we were having twins. What a surprise for us! Never did we think we would have 2! After the initial shock wore off, the fear set in. I was so scared to take care of 2 babies and kept saying "I don't know if I can do this" and I"m not. I have no babies!
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  #10  
April 29th, 2009, 07:33 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 244
I did not want twins initially. I told everyone we only want it to be one in there (we did IVF so knew there was a possibility of two). When we found out there were two, I was so scared, just terrified. But I fell in love with them both completely from the beginning.

Now I hate myself for saying I only wanted one. I only GOT one
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Logan stillborn, loved beyond measure

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  #11  
April 29th, 2009, 08:49 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: MA
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The days before he died Devin was showing signs of distress, but I didn't know it at the time. He had one very inactive day, followed by one very overactive day. And I was just relieved that he was moving again. I chided him for scaring mommy and went back to my daily life. That was the last day I felt him move. I didn't realize he was telling me something was wrong.
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  #12  
April 29th, 2009, 10:38 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
I know when most people are pregnant they say what I said, so mine's kinda silly, but these words still do haunt me and I'll never say them again next time I'm pregnant. When I posted Katrina's u/s pictures on facebook soon after our 18 week u/s and people started congratulating me for the next few weeks, I kept responding, "thank you, we're so excited!!! we absolutely can't wait until baby's born." Then only a couple of weeks later, she was born - still It just bothers me that I should have just said "thank you, we're so excited!!!" and left it at that.

The other thing that bothers me, which I made a thread about at one time, is that when Jon and I started ttc the first time, we were very naive and thought it would be very easy to get pregnant and originally wanted an 08/08/08 baby b/c 8 is a very lucky # in Chinese culture. We didn't get pregnant until March (which we were just so thrilled about anyway). But it bothers me that we did end up getting our August baby, but in the completely wrong way. And she actually did pass away on 08/08/08 (but was born on 08/09/08). We should never have discussed ttc a specific month baby.

It's funny how we look back and analyze what we did / said and read so much into it. We never would have analyzed this stuff if our baby had survived (obviously).
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  #13  
April 29th, 2009, 10:50 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
Oh do I know that feeling....

I got preggo with Dominic 6 months after having DD. I had pretty bad PPD and I was just starting to level out and I got preggo on BCP. I actually thought about abortion. I cried and cried and cried. I DID NOT want another child. I was so mad I was preggo. I was so disappointed in myself for getting preggo again when I was so not ready and told EVERYBODY how mad I was and how I did not want that baby.
Now all I want is for him to be here.


Be careful what you wish for was my lesson.
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Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



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  #14  
April 30th, 2009, 02:14 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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since the day i found out i was pregnant i had a gut feeling i wouldnt carry her i found it hard to bond when i got passed 12 weeks it eased but not completely i just new, i hate that i felt it and couldnt do a single thing.
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  #15  
April 30th, 2009, 04:48 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I was praying late one night that I was on bedrest and I said, "Please, God, I don't know that I am strong enough to go through the nicu again."

I didn't have to.
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  #16  
April 30th, 2009, 07:06 AM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My worst...
I had decided I was putting Avery up for adoption. I was single, her father didn't want anything to do parenting...blah, blah, blah.

I had been reading Soup for a Mother's Soul...there were so many adoption stories. I truely believed that the best gift I could give her was a family that loved her as much as I did. So, I was beginning the process to find that family. I was only five months along...I had plenty of time, right?

I never got to feel her kick...I only felt a few flutters...
If I had been blessed to carry her full term, I don't think I would have been able to give her up. I know I haven't been able to let her go!!!

Hugs to all - and God bless...we could sure use it!!!
Always with love,
Dawna
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  #17  
April 30th, 2009, 02:33 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Eva`s due date was only a week after Connor`s birthday. I remember saying that we wish their birthdays weren`t so close. She was born in June instead. Also, I was sick with her and I remember saying to DH (and over and over again to myself) ``never again``. And here I am, going through it again. This time I am not resentful. I am so unbelievably happy to be sick and hope I stay that way. I also kept hoping and praying for a girl. I should have been hoping and praying for a healthy baby that I could keep with me. That is all I am hoping for this time.
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  #18  
April 30th, 2009, 03:06 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
These aren't really words but it's just the feeling. He died about 5-7 days before I had him. About a week before he was born it felt different. Before that I felt fluttering and some kicks. I could also feel him move from side to side (he favored my right). You could press on that side of my tummy and feel him (even though I'm so chubby).

But that week before he was born...it felt like a dead weight was on my bladder. I'd move and it would shift away. At the time I was 24 weeks and I figured he was getting bigger and my pregnancy was progressing and since I hadn't carried that far before I thought it was just a new way it felt. It was actually his dead body shifting around inside. I remember saying it felt like a big brick was sitting on my bladder numerous times to people that week. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
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