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My feelings were hurt big time today


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
May 3rd, 2009, 07:42 PM
Gayle's Avatar Veteran
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My mil called me tonight and said that she was worried about Deeanna. I asked her why. She said because Deeanna keeps saying that she is a big sister. I said she is. She said not yet. She said she will be in Nov. but why does she think that she is already. I said she is a big sister to Makayla. I said we talk to Makayla all the time, we go to her garden and while Deeanna is playing she says that Makayla is playing with her. I love it. She said it doesn't count. Dh's side of the family all dont count her. She act as if she doesn't exhist. She did. She was here, I held her, I love her and she is my daughter and I miss her everyday. But whenever they are talking about grandchildren and stuff the count her out and that kinda hurts my feelings. But what MIL said tonight cut me in half.
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  #2  
May 3rd, 2009, 08:44 PM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would of told her to **** off - but that is just me

my parents don't include my daughter when they do their counts either - but Benjamin is a little brother and a big brother and Logan is a little brother - Benjamin knows he has a big sister and I love that he does

don't let it get to you - we all know she exists
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  #3  
May 3rd, 2009, 11:56 PM
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awwww Gayle. I'm sorry your mil said those things. We all know Makayla existed and it's unfortunate that some people have to think that just because our Angels didn't breathe here on earth that they never existed. It makes me so mad.

I have a friend like that who says 'you'll have your first baby one day' and even straight up tells me 'well a baby isn't a baby until it's out in the world. Katrina was just a fetus, so she doesn't really count' Ugghhh, I gave birth to my first born baby already, she just isn't here. But for family to not acknowledge Katrina, yea, I'd be pretty pissed and feel as if my heart is being ripped out.

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  #4  
May 4th, 2009, 01:19 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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awww hun im sorry sorry, but it was out of order to say that i would have gotton too upset not give her a peice of my mind
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  #5  
May 4th, 2009, 02:35 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If she is going to be that way, it's best to either really tell her what you think or just ignore her. Deanna is going to continue accepting Makayla as her sister since she already does, especially if you, as her mother, keep enforcing it. It won't matter what a grandmother says.

I've heard my dad not count Roald in his grandchild count and it really bothered me because he acted so upset when Roald died. I spoke up about it when someone else asked and said well 5 if you count Roald...
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  #6  
May 4th, 2009, 05:19 AM
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I bet you were hurt! There is nothing wrong with her talking about being a big sister because she is and how sad your mil can't see that. Makayla counts and she existed and is deeply loved and missed. Jake does not make the count with any of his grandparents but it doesn't stop me from including his memory in my family. My living kids all know they have a big brother. We can't control what people think or say but it doesn't mean we have to accept it. Maybe you dh can talk to her about how hurtful her comments are and let her know that there is nothing wrong with Deeanna saying she is a big sister because she is. to you!
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  #7  
May 4th, 2009, 06:51 AM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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I know how upsetting that can be. My Mom made a comment the other day when we left a store. It was towards Mother's day and she said "Well, you're not a Mom yet" and I said "Yes I am, just in a different way" and I'm still upset by that.

You should explain to your MIL that it does count. Tell her what is on your mind, don't let her upset you.
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  #8  
May 4th, 2009, 10:20 AM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That drives me CRAZY!! People always make comments about how this is my '2nd pregnancy' or 2nd baby and I'm like No. It's my Third. I straight up tell them, he was ALIVE inside of me - I heard his heart beating, I saw his heart beating, I felt him moving around in there....he was very much alive. Just because you didn't get to see him/hear him/feel him doesn't change that. I still gave birth to him and held him in my arms. He existed! The only one that really acknowledges him is my mother, and then she'll say I have 3 grandkids here, 4 in total. I wish she would just say 4 and let that be that, but at least it's Something, you know?? I wish people had more empathy
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  #9  
May 4th, 2009, 01:17 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ugh, I am sorry!!!
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  #10  
May 4th, 2009, 01:59 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Wow!! That just makes me fume. I'm so sorry. It makes me mad on two levels. NOT ONLY does Deeanna have Makayla, but she's also a big sister to the new baby already. I told Erin she was a big sister from the moment I got pregnant with Patrick. Him being born didn't make him any more of her little brother than he was before. So that "not yet" about the new baby bothers me too. It's like...a baby isn't a baby until it's born?
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  #11  
May 4th, 2009, 07:58 PM
Gayle's Avatar Veteran
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Thanks ladies. Dh and I have talked about it and he said next time we are all together he is going to talk to her face and face and explain to her how bad it upset me. You ladies are so sweet. Thanks again.
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