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  #1  
May 8th, 2009, 04:06 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Just how much I truly am thankful to each of you. I don't remember the person I was the 29th of March of last year. I really don't know myself at all now. But what I do know is that I couldn't have made it this far without each and every one of you.

I have several candles lit in my room, and I am praying for each of your little ones. In case it gets lost in this weekends' possible breakdown for me, Happy Mother's Day, and I am SO glad that God, in his/her infinite wisdom, gave us all these beautiful angels that would bring us all together.
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  #2  
May 8th, 2009, 04:42 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I was thinking about you this past Sunday as I was sitting in Church. I was praying for you, and the thought came me, that I would never have met you if I hadn't lost Cora. It branched out, that I wouldn't know any of these wonderful ladies here. So there are mixed blessings I guess. So I thanked her for my friends.

to you. I hope the weekend is more gentle on you than you are expecting.
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Last edited by Brittanie; May 9th, 2009 at 09:21 AM.
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  #3  
May 8th, 2009, 05:44 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's definitely a mixed blessing... but I have been brought closer to many wonderful, wonderful women through our shared grief and loss. I am very thankful for all of my friends who have supported me through the worst time of my life. Thank goodness we have each other.

Can you imagine, 50 years ago, having to go through this type of thing with NO support system? No in-person support groups, no online forums, and not being able to talk about it to your own family? OMG. I think about it all the time, and just feel sick to my stomach for what those women went through all alone.
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  #4  
May 8th, 2009, 05:55 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Nat, I swear, and I don't mean this flippantly, that i would be in a ward by now. I've thought about it. Instead of going home that sunday, I literally wanted to be put away. It's maddening. Truly.
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  #5  
May 8th, 2009, 06:01 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can understand that. There were so many days after I lost Devin when I just flatly didn't care and thought it would be rather nicer to just be locked up somewhere with a padded room where I was forced to actually eat something.
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  #6  
May 8th, 2009, 06:11 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've dropped 30 pounds. I contracted some kind of inffection on my fingers, and my husbnd has just convinced me to start taking my meds for it. It's literal insanity. Remember our "cynical" thread? I make cynical look polite these days
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  #7  
May 8th, 2009, 08:49 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heathernoel View Post
Nat, I swear, and I don't mean this flippantly, that i would be in a ward by now. I've thought about it. Instead of going home that sunday, I literally wanted to be put away. It's maddening. Truly.
I felt that way too. The day I lost him. Right after I gave birth to him the nurse told me I should still feel contractions and I looked at her - hollow and numb - and said "I don't feel anything." no one knew how literally I meant that. I felt completely dead inside and there were many times that day that I wished I was - just to be with him.

You are incredibly strong. I know you probably don't feel like you are - but you have been through more heartache than one person should ever have to feel & you are still here. You are still talking about your feelings and letting it all out & that is HUGE. *great big *
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  #8  
May 9th, 2009, 01:19 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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i dont know how we do it it really dont! i've/we've lived throu our worst night mares and were still here the power of support here is without a doubt how im still here today!
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  #9  
May 9th, 2009, 06:08 AM
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After we lost Eva, I remember thinking that I had suddenly moved to a different dimension where nobody could see or hear me. I lived with people, but separate from them. The only people that saw and heard me were here, and I am thankful for that. I remember wishing that I could just cease to exist because life was just too unbearable. I have come a long way, and it is because of all the wonderful women here. I still have my rough moments, but I am definitely surviving. Thanks to all of you.
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  #10  
May 9th, 2009, 07:26 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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You know, there really is something special about all of us. I tried probably half a dozen different online stillbirth groups, and this is the only one that works for me. I feel a little like Goldilocks - this group is JUST right!
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  #11  
May 9th, 2009, 09:26 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Laurie~ View Post
After we lost Eva, I remember thinking that I had suddenly moved to a different dimension where nobody could see or hear me. I lived with people, but separate from them. The only people that saw and heard me were here, and I am thankful for that. I remember wishing that I could just cease to exist because life was just too unbearable. I have come a long way, and it is because of all the wonderful women here. I still have my rough moments, but I am definitely surviving. Thanks to all of you.
There were times that I wished I could cut out my heart and lock it in a box, just so it wouldn't hurt anymore. Like Davy Jones on the Pirates movies. Only much much more hurt.

So yes, I am not sure how I would be right now if I hadn't found support here. I don't know how my grandmother made it through her pain... I know that the lack of support and things definitely didn't do anything positive for my mother. I wish both my mother and my grandmother had been able to hold their babies. (although, my mother was very sick and so feverish she was delirious, so I don't know if she'd have been able to hold her even if she had delivered nowadays)
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  #12  
May 9th, 2009, 10:29 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Super Moderator
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There have been so many times I wanted to run and hide and usually I do - but I always bring my computer with me - I am so glad we have this forum!
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  #13  
May 9th, 2009, 02:25 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was so stunned. I imagine, even though ages and circumstances leading up to the sudden loss are different, that what we went through when we lost our babies was just what people go through when a spouse or living child or sibling or parent or friend dies suddenly. In a crash or murdered, etc. I just remember being so stunned. And I seriously did not care about anything else either for over 2 months.
Then some sort of reality began seeping its way back into my life.

I can't imagine what it was like to to through this years ago. I believe couples shared their grief between themselves. I have personally seen many couples' graves at just our cememtery alone with a baby buried with them or beside them. And most of those babies are from 1950s-1970s.

My grandmother had a stillborn baby in the early 60s who is still buried in their backyard. And my late aunt and her husband lost thier first child 2 days after he was born in 1975. He is buried beside her and Charlie will be buried with his wife when he dies, beside their little Brian. But I still think it would have been alot harder. Heck, it's still really considered taboo in most cirlces.

I'm just so grateful I have everyone here, too. It has helped in immeasurable ways.
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