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"Maybe God is trying to tell you something"


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
May 9th, 2009, 02:20 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Maitland, Florida
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Yes, that's from my mom's best friend.

That right after Dad said I need to get over this "thing"....I cut him off there.

First, O M G. God does not send special children to earth, take them back as a lesson to the parents. What kind of RETARD would believe that?!!!!

Second...know what? Screw it...if you didn't think Jonah was worth mourning over, f you. I get up in the morning, get the kids off to school. I have made dr. appt after dr. appt to figure all this out. No, I'm not working right now, but there's NO way I can until I get some stuff figured out. My crying sessions are behind closed doors mostly. I'm doing rather well considering I gave birth almost three weeks ago to a child I just got to bring home. I've LOST two, you jack a**.

I know it's a generational thing...I know...but **** it.

Joe blew up today. I was painting a memory box for Jonah's blankets, and came to find Joe. He threw his computer table up and over, threw a wrench into our china cabinet, and took off. I had no idea where he was, but figured he needed to blow off steam. I righted everything, cleaned up the glass.

He came home, and cried, saying he'd been to church, and was really upset over everything...losing Jonah, business being slow, etc.

But that's ok, Dad. We'll just get over this "thing".
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  #2  
May 9th, 2009, 03:07 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I agree, I think if God was trying to tell you something he'd fine a better way to tell you. I mean, really. GAH!!



Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I agree, I think if God was trying to tell you something he'd fine a better way to tell you. I mean, really. GAH!!

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  #3  
May 9th, 2009, 03:43 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh My God!! I Cannot believe anyone would say that to you!! I'm so sorry!! You know that isn't true. It's hard for people to grasp that these children existed because We are the only ones that really feel them, you know? It doesn't change the fact that they did - and what you've been through is horrible - people just don't get it. Screw them all !! You will continue to mourn for your lost sons, remember them and honor them. If others don't want to - fine - but don't freaking comment!! Gah! that makes me sooo mad!!

Great big HUGS to you!!
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  #4  
May 9th, 2009, 03:47 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you...it just makes me mad to know that people do think we need to stop. Honestly, while I ain't no Michelle Duggar, we believe that children are a blessing, and God will continue to bless us ...His will be done.

But to tell me to stop because somehow we aren't right? I don't know...
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  #5  
May 9th, 2009, 05:56 PM
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Honestly, I think there are some people that,, when they get the urge to speak should raise one hand and place it over their mouths. Do they honestly think they have anything constructive to offer? Why, why, WHY do some people think that everyone has a duty to hear their opinions? I'm sorry, Heather. I wish I could yell at these people for you, I really do.
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  #6  
May 9th, 2009, 06:45 PM
dotcomkari's Avatar Bianca, Kai & Asia's mom
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OMG.. I can not believe they said that.. I would have lost it right there and went off big time... *huge hugs* I am sooo sorry sweetie. I wish I could have been there to hold you and give you a huge hug. It isn't right..
I am sorry.. they just can not understand.
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  #7  
May 9th, 2009, 07:34 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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I'm so so sorry. I wish I had the words....... HUGS
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  #8  
May 9th, 2009, 08:00 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am SO sorry your dad said that to you. This THING?!?! Yeah. Ummm. ***??

I really can't add much to the discussion about religion, because I'm atheist and all... I guess some people believe that and all... but oh I HATE hearing that. If there is a god, I really really can't see him playing games like that to "teach us a lesson." ***??? People need to keep their opinions to themselves, IMO. From what I've observed the people who say things like that are not really trying to make you feel better (because, hello, that does NOT make ANYTHING feel better!), but trying to make things less uncomfortable for themselves. If they can convince themselves that there is some reason it happened to you, then they can still feel safe in their own lives and move on happily. They just don't want to accept the idea that it - and anything horrible like this - can happen to anyone. Even them, even their children.

Oh it just gets under my skin.
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  #9  
May 9th, 2009, 08:22 PM
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Ugh so sorry people are saying such hurtful things to you. I always wondered why it was so hard for people to just say 'I am sorry' if they are not sure what to say instead of saying something so thoughtless.
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  #10  
May 10th, 2009, 04:54 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry your family is not more supportive
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  #11  
May 10th, 2009, 04:57 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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i would rather not hear anything from people if thats the stoopid insensitve crap that people say im sorry heather
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  #12  
May 10th, 2009, 05:19 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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That person has a fundamental misunderstanding of the concept of God. You're a better woman than me - I would have probably slapped her.
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  #13  
May 10th, 2009, 08:39 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Uh...I am soooooooooooooo sick of hearing the ignorant remakrs people make as to why they think someone lost a child. One of my husban'ds grandmas said maybe we lost Roald because we are supposed to focus on Bill's son from a past relationship who is 10 and royally messed up. Umm....no. God doesn't PUNISH people, believers or non-believers, by giving them a baby then ripping it away from them for punishment or a stupid reason like that.

If I wasn't meant to be pregnant in God's eyes, Roald never would have existed! DUH! His other grandma said "It just wasn't meant to be and that's s hame" Bill told her he WAS meant to be....but maybe he just wasn't meant to be born alive. But if God never wanted Roald to exist, He never would have formed him. DUH!

People are really cruel with their comments. I still just can't believe your dad's comment and now this other person. UGH! And also what Stephanie (Lex1078)'s mother said to her recently. Where do these people get this crap?

I also feel like certain people around us think we lost Roald because we wouldn't have been good parents or this wasn't the right time for us to have a baby. That royally pisses me off big time. It makes no sense if you use your head....because people who murder their babies, sell their children, sexually abuse their children, throw their babies against walls, etc. have healthy babies. We obviously aren't like that so why would our baby die and those peoples' babies live? DUH!!!!

Ugh, BIG BIG BIG BIG HUGS to you and Joe Heather!!!!
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  #14  
May 10th, 2009, 09:48 AM
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Oh my heart just broke into a million little peices for you. Big I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this right now. After losing Abby I didn't "deal" with anything. I simply sat by myself to avoid people, including dh. My heart breaks for your dh too. Sometimes I forget that men hurt too. I wish I could give you a real hug.
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  #15  
May 10th, 2009, 11:09 AM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am so sorry you have to deal with those insensitive remarks. I agree with Rebecca - I would have slapped her too!
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  #16  
May 10th, 2009, 11:46 AM
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wow, what ignorant remarks. I can't believe people would f - ing consider you having to go through this twice (or even once for that matter) as God's way of telling you something. STFU people. sorry this just makes me mad. Who the f would tell that to a grieving mother.

I'm so sorry you don't have a more supportive family, Heather

And I'm sorry it had to get to that point for Joe to blow up. For guys it just builds up b/c they try to be so strong, but it'll eventually just get to be too much. But at least he was able to cry and talk to you about it after when he got home.

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