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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
May 12th, 2009, 04:59 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Because here it comes. Brittanie's tsunami. The kids' therapy didn't go well. It was a female therapist who questioned our need to have pictures of the boys up, the need to have their ashes, and my need to see "it" after having "it". I'm near tears.

I hate it. I don't want to live in the cycle anymore. I've had enough. Someone anchor me....I don't want to get swept away....
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  #2  
May 12th, 2009, 05:05 PM
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OMG, Heather. I am so sorry. She sounds absolutely horrible! Honestly, can you lodge a complaint somewhere because she sounds unbelievably unprofessional. To me, a therapist should know better than that.
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  #3  
May 12th, 2009, 05:11 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am really just stunned from my experiences today. The dr. that had to reup my scripts started off the "Session" by investigating whatever was stuck under his fingernails and then asking me about the fetuses and then the kids' therapist.

I am JUST exhausted
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  #4  
May 12th, 2009, 05:14 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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What. The. F%$@. ?!?!?!?? I'm just so so angry that a THERAPIST, of all people, would say something like that. I so want to go kick her a**!!

I hope you can find a new therapist. And I hope this doesn't set you back too much.
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  #5  
May 12th, 2009, 05:18 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm just not going to go to anyone. Keep the dr. so I can get the meds I need to maintain. The kids go to a play therapy that's free...and while the kids play, the adults have a :group", and I think I'll stick with that. Between y'all and the group, I"ll be ok. I just can't do any more educating.

I facebooked that it seems that it's our responsibility to educate others about stillbirths and infancy loss. I'm just not up for the job. I don't want to bear a banner right now with "Don't open your mouth if your shoe size is twice your IQ".

*sigh*
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  #6  
May 12th, 2009, 05:33 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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And we shouldn't have to carry that weight right after a loss. I don't mind educating, but when we are in need ourselves we shouldn't have to be trying to navigate messes like that. Grrr.
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  #7  
May 12th, 2009, 06:46 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - if you can't find a way to complain there, you can find someone better. How old was the therapist? I'm wondering because I know that as a young (former) therapist that we were trained to know better - that acknowledging our losses as real people is key. If she was older, she might have been trained in the older POV. That's not an excuse - all practicing therapists have to keep up with new theories and practice - but it might explain how monstrously inappropriate she was. You can also complain to your state's licensing board. I'm meeting with a pregnancy loss therapist tomorrow night at a support group meeting - would you like me to see if she knows anyone in your area?

On behalf of all therapists, compassionate and otherwise, I apologize for her grossly negligent behavior.
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  #8  
May 12th, 2009, 07:03 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That just makes me sick. I was hoping Rebecca would have a place for you to go to complain. NO ONE should tell a grieving mother to "get over it" or not have their child with them... especially not a THERAPIST... what a piece of crap she is.
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  #9  
May 12th, 2009, 08:05 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh hun I am so very very sorry that you keep running across complete ********. I don't know what people think (or don't) sometimes. I'm so sorry and you know, you always have us!!
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  #10  
May 12th, 2009, 08:28 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Wow, have no words. I hate that tsunami feeling though. I'll help you hang on as much I possibly can. I can't believe she would say something like that. Ugh. I have Cora's picture up. There is NOTHING wrong with that. There is NOTHING wrong with having their ashes at home. With a comment like that, I really don't think she'd be of help to anyone.

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  #11  
May 12th, 2009, 10:44 PM
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ugh, that just disgusts me. I'm sorry you had to hear her, a therapist of all people, say such horrible things.
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  #12  
May 13th, 2009, 04:51 AM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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What an as$!! I can't believe that therapist would say such things. What the h!!!! I'm sorry you had such a horrible time. You have us and that support group with the children sounds wonderful! HUGS
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  #13  
May 13th, 2009, 05:19 AM
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Wow what a horrible therapist. Those comments are ridiculous! I am sorry you had to hear her bulls**t! I am glad Rebecca listed a place for you to make a complaint.
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  #14  
May 13th, 2009, 06:06 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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what omg words actuially fail me they seriously do ffs im seriously pissed for u right now!
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  #15  
May 13th, 2009, 06:40 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Today I feel pity, and I hope she never has to feel/deal with what we have to deal with. I feel like taking all my pictures in and showing them to her just to watch her squirm, but that would do nothing but demean my angel, and she's not worth it.

For now, the kids will see their at school counselor and the New Hope folks. I think that, and family conversation, should help my kids, who are my number one concern.
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  #16  
May 13th, 2009, 08:05 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Yeah, I think keeping the communication lines open about your boys and what they are feeling will help them a lot. Last thing you want to do is make them feel like there's something "wrong" with them for missing their brothers.

I hope things start looking up soon. But take care of yourself.
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Last edited by Brittanie; May 14th, 2009 at 08:57 AM.
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  #17  
May 13th, 2009, 08:05 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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**double post**

Last edited by Brittanie; May 14th, 2009 at 08:57 AM.
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  #18  
May 13th, 2009, 08:10 AM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this on top of everything...Lord knows you could use a break!!!!

Keep your chin up! We're here for you!!!
Hugs from Houston!
Dawna
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  #19  
May 13th, 2009, 05:09 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am so sorry you had to deal with that!!!!! You should definately file a complaint or something...wow...the nerve of some people!

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  #20  
May 13th, 2009, 05:14 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think what hurts worse is that seems to represent a prevolent mentaility, That our children, especially those of us under a certain gestation, don't have a right to a birth experience, that our babies are "Things". It's just hurtful.

"you've already gone against the Catholic church and had them cremated. Just release their ashes". AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
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