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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
May 13th, 2009, 04:26 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
So depression. Yeah.

I just got a phone call from my grandmother, and I was telling her about Jonah. See, I hadn't told many in my family I was even pregnant because first, we lost Marshall, and second, they are sweet people, but I don't want to hear lectures about trying again.

I heard myself tell her I was pregnant, that we had issues with prenatal care, and that he had "no brain", and was born. I heard myself tell her about his service next weekend.

Then she did some talking about me, and I felt an out of body experience. I, Heather...have lost two children? I have two urns downstairs? Meghan's loss...everyone's losses, feel surreal. Is this really real?
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Last edited by heathernoel; May 13th, 2009 at 04:32 PM.
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  #2  
May 13th, 2009, 04:46 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: United States
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I still feel like it is all a dream and I will wake up soon and it will be yesterday before any of this happened. Surreal, yes, when will reality return?
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  #3  
May 13th, 2009, 04:52 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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ummm...I'll let you know. I don't remember. Much as you don't remember life before you were pregnant this time, I don't remember much about life before Jonah. It takes months...
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  #4  
May 13th, 2009, 05:53 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: MA
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I think for me... it took as long as I was pregnant. I gave birth at 36 weeks, so I lived for over 7 months knowing I was pregnant. And it was right around that 7 month mark that it started feeling more real.... that this new reality really sunk in.

I was actually just thinking about it today... that I am that girl who is infertile and lost a son. And I kind of feel okay about it. I mean, it sucks, and I wish I hadn't had to go through it all, but it doesn't make my heart ache to think about it anymore. It doesn't feel surreal. And I'm really glad that it doesn't always feel like some horrible nightmare.
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  #5  
May 13th, 2009, 11:34 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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heather now even 4 years later it still feels sureal i was talking to lee the other night saying it feels like i was watching it all happen to me i mean i know i have lost a daughter and grieve every day but it feels as if it wasn't me.
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  #6  
May 14th, 2009, 05:36 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
Yeah, especially when it is fresh. The first 3 months just felt like all I was constantly thinking about was Roald and that he was gone, but at the same time it felt like it really wasn't happening. It takes at least months before reality and caring about other things gradually seeps back into your life. But it still hurts far far beyond that and always will.
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  #7  
May 14th, 2009, 05:47 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Maitland, Florida
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I kinda remember eventually getting to that point, but now with two losses IDK. I hope it will come sooner rather than later...

I feel right now there are two Heathers. One is a wife and mother to three, and the other is Mourning Heather. The semi functioning Heather does what she has to do, but Mourning Heather is always there...

I hate quiet. I hate nighttime.
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