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Finally spoke with the Dr.'s office and I was told it was Trisomy 16. Nothing I could do about it. Which helps in a way, but also in another way it doesn't. I couldn't do anything to help my girls either. Just plain sucks that I'm suppose to be their mom and I can't do anything for them. I'm suppose to be "wonder woman" to my children and 3 times I've failed in helping them. I know it was all beyond my reach but you all understand where I'm coming from.
This also doesn't help my decision if I really want children or not. Still haven't spoken to Neal about it either. I know he would understand if I don't want children but I don't want him to resent me for it. This all just makes my head spin in circles.
Again, I'm sorry I haven't been around much. I'm reading all the posts but I'm just hurting so much and I can't get the words out to respond.
I'm sorry. This is a tough situation. I couldn't help Ethan either, and that is hard to handle. And you have plenty of time to decide whether or not to have kids, and plenty of time to change your mind too. I think that feeling like "I don't want kids right now" is a perfectly normal feeling. And please don't worry yourself over posting - we all understand.
I think that's what hurts me most about losing Katrina is that she was in so much pain and she had severe problems with her brain, but I had no idea until 18 weeks and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help my baby girl, until she passed away - where she would be at peace. It does hurt knowing we couldn't help our own children, since we're they're mom and we're supposed to protect them.
I just wish there was something I could say that could magically take your pain away. You are such an amazing person and I am so angry that you've been dealt with so much ***** in the past 9 months. I've been thinking of you lots and I know what a difficult decision it must be trying to figure out if you do even want children anymore, but like Rebecca said, you still have plenty of time to still decide if you want kids or not.
I agree with the other wonderful ladies. Saying you don't want kids right now is a decision for just right now. And you can say that too. "I don't want kids right now." Someday, down the line, if you change your mind then it wasn't a permanent decision. Allow yourself to make a "right now" decision instead of a "forever" decision.
I had that helpless feeling of not being able to do anything about it. That feeling of what you expect yourself to do as a mother, regardless of whether it's rational or not. Guilt is part of grief I think. It's normal.
Please don't feel like you have to give what you don't have. Let us give to you when you need us. That's what we're here for.
And I am so sorry you are in so much pain and have been dealt such a raw deal.
I know you are a wonderful mother, to those three that aren't in your arms and will be to any you have should you decide to try again.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. The pain is so unfair and so unfathomable to the rest of the world. I get exactly what you're saying about not being able to do anything to help them. What we wouldn't give to be able to save our babies...
HUGE GIGANTIC *hugs* to you.
I wish all the mothers who have lost children lived in the same place so we could be there for each other in the 'real world'. (then again, I guess nobody would choose to ever live there, huh?)
b/g twins Logan and Ella
Logan stillborn, loved beyond measure
You know, I think some people think even if you have multiple losses, if they are due to different things that are not likely to repeat or "freak accidents", that it would be easier for you to handle than if it was due to something genetic or a condition you have. But really...it's not. If you have a blood clotting disorder you can take medication, etc. Same thing if you develop GD or have diabetes and know about it going into pregnancy, etc. But with things like these isolated incidents they leave us feeling helpless. And scared that no matter what we do anything can happen. And even if it was a treatable or controllable problem...those women have to live with and struggle with the guilt (even though it's not really their fault) that we all put on ourselves and the feeling that their body has failed them or is against them, etc.
It just can't ever be easy in situations like this. My good friend IRL lost a baby at 18 weeks then 5 or 6 years later lost a baby at 40 weeks. Right afterwards she said for a few months that she didn't want to try again because she just couldn't go through with it. But after a year she wanted a living child so much...she changed her mind. I think it is a good idea to take time just to think things through, really let alot of grief do its healing work...and just be patient with yourself.