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I am sad and very angry today....


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
September 12th, 2009, 09:08 PM
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Today is 2 months. Some of our friends and family called and asked how we were doing, and I appreciate that. But some just called and talked about something else, not even mentioning this. It just makes me very angry. I am very angry at my mom. She spoke to me 3 times today, and she said she knows what day it was, but never once asked how I was. She was also babysitting for my sister today all day and I know she was very busy. I don't know if I am overreacting, but I still feel like she does not care enough. And I know that other people even the closest ones don't understand this as much as we do, but it still makes so mad. Sorry for venting, I just need to get it out of my chest.
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  #2  
September 12th, 2009, 09:44 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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It is very difficult for others to understand. Most ppl don't know what to say at all.
Maybe she just didn't know what to say. I know how difficult this is.
Your are in my thoughts and prayers
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  #3  
September 12th, 2009, 11:13 PM
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People don't know what to say. I was very angry with my closest friends after we lost Katrina. I look back now and try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they just didn't know what to say / how to react, but at the time, all I wanted was a hug or for them to tell us that they're thinking about us. It just seems so simple, yet people make it so difficult.

My birthday is 4 days after Katrina's passing and my "best" friend phoned me that night (after not having called me for those whole 3 days after having lost her) and went on, I kid you not, for over ONE hour to me about how upset she was that her boyfriend took her to this awful restaurant and how it wasn't up to her standards! I was just sitting there with tears coming down my cheeks not even comprehending how she could be telling me this at this time in my life. The only reason I stayed on the line with her for so long was because I had absolutely no energy to move. To this day I really don't know if she was just trying to keep me occupied, but at that time all I wanted to do was talk about Katrina.

2 of our other friends came over a couple of days after my birthday and one of them stayed for a good 2 hours with me (she's a true friend), where the other one came in, dropped off a bday gift for me and then he literally took off after not even 10 minutes. It was so hurtful.

People will never understand, and to this day, other than my family who has been sooo supportive, I can only bring up Katrina's name to one of our friends without people getting all awkward and telling me I should have already moved on...uhhhh seriously

So no, I don't think you're over-reacting, but like when it comes to any death, people just seriously don't know what to say and unless they've experienced something like this, they'll just never know how to react and they think not talking about it or giving you some distance is the best way to go - although we know first hand that's the exact opposite of what we need in such a tough time.

So sorry for going on, but when you're feeling down or need someone to talk to, please know we're all here for you, because unfortunately we all understand.


Last edited by LaLaLa1; September 12th, 2009 at 11:17 PM.
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  #4  
September 13th, 2009, 12:53 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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im so sorry hun, but yeah they just dont get it and it hurts like hell
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  #5  
September 13th, 2009, 07:53 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry. I could never stand those first few months when family members would start talking and talking about anything and everything but Roald and quite frankly I couldn't care less. I withdrew from them alot. People who think you need to focus on something else when you are grieving just don't get that if you do not grieve it's not normal!!! Ugh!
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  #6  
September 13th, 2009, 08:11 AM
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I am so sorry. That must have been so hard. I'm dreading the day when people stop talking about Eli (it's been 2 weeks) and stop asking me about him. I've told both my mother and my MIL about this fear hoping it will let them know that I need then to keep asking even when everyone else stops.
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  #7  
September 14th, 2009, 05:26 AM
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Years later I was told that people avoided talking about Jake because they thought it would make me sad but I was already sad and knowing that other people thought about him would have really helped. People just have no clue unless they have had a loss. Hugs, I'm sorry your mom did that. My mom is great at saying idiotic things.
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  #8  
September 20th, 2009, 12:42 PM
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I am very sorry for your loss, when i got back from the doctors finding out about loosing my son my husband(now x) said good now we can work on us.. i sat there i didnt even get mad because all i could think waswe lost our little boy, what now.
My mil and my mother were just as unsupportive. I gave birth to him with only a male nurse in the room, who i knew because he helped deliver my daughter. While my husband was out with his gf. Nobody called. the hospital didnt give me the choice of cremation or burrial and didnt give him back to me either. There was no support.
I am now with my fiance and he helps me get through each anniversary..his family is supportive, but i dont think they know what to say.
I am just now starting to heal from his death. My fiance and i just got excited about having kids together and on thursday at 10w we m/c. My mom didnt get upset..she told me good. My future mil is heartbroken but she atleast calls to see how i am doing.
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  #9  
September 20th, 2009, 01:20 PM
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Oh honey ... we all know how very hard this is

Nobody asked me how I was doing after losing Noah. I suppose everyone just naturally assumed I was "over it" because I had his twin sister Julia to focus on. But it hurt just the same --- he was my son, he was alive in utero. Just because he was born sleeping doesn't give anyone a right to ignore his existence.

Unfortunately, too many people behave this way and don't acknowledge our angels, our feelings about it, etc.
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  #10  
September 20th, 2009, 04:51 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry. I'll never understand why it is so difficult for people just to say that they are thinking about you... to not understand how huge this is, it's not something that can be ignored.
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  #11  
September 20th, 2009, 06:59 PM
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I hate the whole talking all around it thing. It's like ignoring the elephant in the room. It feels like you're going crazy, at least it did for me. Like "hello? do you not realize or remember that my baby just died? Or do you just not CARE?" I wanted to scream that (among other things) so so many times. SO many.

UGH. I am so so sorry. I wish I could say that that part gets better, but unfortunately for me that part has only gotten worse the further away I've gotten.

hang in there. We will ALWAYS be here to listen and we will ALWAYS care.
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