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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
September 15th, 2009, 10:07 AM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 32.918289,-97.272266
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DH and I went shopping to Walmart this weekend and while we were there, he decided to get an oil change on his car. So after about an hour of shopping we went back to the 'Tire & Lube' section to be waited on. In front of us were three people --- a man about our age and what I assume were his parents (they just looked like the Mom and Dad type and with the way they were all interacting, I just naturally assumed they were family). They made comments about Julia (cute baby, look at those eyes, how smiley she is ... the usual stuff people say about babies ...) which got us thanking them and making some small talk.

We paid the cashier and left. Between Nate pushing the cart with Julia and 1/2 of our purchases and me pushing another cart with the other 1/2 of our purchases, the our-age man ran over to the door and said "here, let me help you with that!" and he held it open for us. We smiled at him, thanked him for his kindness, and wished him a good afternoon.

We got to our car and I noticed several other cars / trucks parked behind the Tire & Lube section, but the one that stood out was the white pick-up truck with a sticker on the rear window that stated "Proud Daddy of an Angel" (those October 15th window stickers and merchandise that you can buy online ...).

I shrieked and shouted to Nate "Look!! There's someone here with an October 15th sticker! We have one like it that says 'Proud Family of an Angel', so that must mean they lost a baby, too! I wonder who it could be??"

Sure enough, it belonged to the man who held the door open for us. The man that I would never suspect to have gone through a tragedy himself because these things are just not "obvious" to others, not even to someone who's been there / done that. I wanted to run up to him and tell him that I share his loss, I share the grief and tragedy as I too have my own to mourn through for the rest of my life. Maybe he had to deal with a miscarriage; maybe a stillbirth; maybe an infant death. Regardless, though, it made me sad because he's "been there" too, but nobody would ever guess it just by looking at him

Have you ever just been wandering through stores, a mall, a park, maybe even work and thought about how many others have walked in the same shoes you have? It's strange, but I guess I never REALLY gave it much thought before ... until this guy and I crossed paths. I'll probably never see him again, but just the fact that he's in a similar situation as I'm in gave me pause about people I walk with every day.

Just wanted to share this bittersweet circumstance.
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I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).





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  #2  
September 15th, 2009, 11:05 AM
noworries
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It's been amazing for me to see all of the people that DH and I know that we had no idea had gone through the loss of a child until we lost Eli. It really does make you pause and think.
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  #3  
September 15th, 2009, 11:31 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is kind of cool. It really is amazing how many people have been through it, but never speak about it.

I think about my children's school. There are about 20-30 kids per class. For my three that would be 60-90 families. If stillirth happens one in 165 births or so, it would make sense that at least one other family has experienced loss too.
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  #4  
September 15th, 2009, 12:06 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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i often wonder cause i feel like i have that look? but but it dosent stick out with other people
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  #5  
September 15th, 2009, 01:16 PM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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After the doctor couldn't find Noah's heartbeat, he immediately admitted me to L&D. I called my boss' office and left him a message stating that I was admitted to the hospital because "things weren't looking good." He had called me in my room the next morning to ask what had happened. I told him they couldn't find Noah's heartbeat.

He paused, sighed an "ohmygawd", and told me how very sorry he was ... followed by (and this was the shocker to me) "my wife and I had been through a very similar situation; if you EVER need to talk to me or my wife, please don't hesitate to seek us out."

To this day, I didn't have the nerve to ask him if it was a stillbirth or a miscarriage, but I know he had mentioned how his wife had been on mandatory bedrest and how they had "lost one." Perhaps one day, when I know FOR SURE that I will not lose my $#it crying over it, I will ask him how he and his wife lost theirs.

But it's amazing to think that I am not a freak nor unique species even over here at work; my very own boss is "one of us."
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Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!

I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).





*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
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  #6  
September 15th, 2009, 01:33 PM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If you were to see me in Walmart we would definitely talk about angels. My memorial tattoo gets lots of comments.

Once ppl have commented on the toes sticking out of my neckline, I've had several questions about them and get to speak of her with strangers often. I've even been able to help family members (and in one case a co-worker) with how to deal with loved ones experiencing loss. They've all told me it was a blessing to have met me and we all have teary eyes. I always tell them the same thing that kind man said...if you ever need to talk I'm here. Nobody's actually called yet, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

My best friend's daughter lost her four-month-old last April. We talk alot about Caleb...but it's the questions about Avery that I find really interesting. She asks what happened and why...explaining that she was always curious but didn't want to upset me. Now that she lost Caleb, she knows I'll always get upset but it's ok to ask.

I thank women like all of you for making me who I am today.
I love you all and pray with you always!!!!
Dawna
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  #7  
September 15th, 2009, 01:56 PM
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I work in a big office, and I know that there were at least 2 cases where one of the twins died. I don't know if that happened during the delivery or before. These ladies I didn't know personally but I've seen them around. One of them came back from maternity leave and left the job couple of months later. The other one is still working here but we don't really interact. When I first learned about them, I didn't really think anything about it. After this happened to me, I immediately thought of them. I realized that it's not the same unless something like this hits you. I wish I could speak to the lady that still works here about this but I'm not sure if this is a good idea either for her or for me.
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  #8  
September 16th, 2009, 05:35 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow, that is such a sad but neat coincidence. For the first few months after losing Roald I walked around with tears welling in my eyes and a frown on my face. My husband told me people probably wondered what was wrong with me. I'm sure I weirded a few pregnant ladies or women with new baby boys out a little...

The only time I've encountered a stranger who may be going through something similar so far was actually just last week in the waiting room of the ultrasound department at my OB office. A woman and her boyfriend came in. The woman's eyes were really puffy and red like she had been crying. There were two really chatty women there in their third trimesters that kept asking each other questions, etc. I was whispering a conversation with my husband and this girl with the red eyes did not smile the entire time. A few times she looked at me or looked around the room. She was tall and looked to be in her second trimester. She also periodically touched her belly. She and her bf didn't say anything. I wondered if they were waiting for an emergency ultrasound like I had to once...after they fail to get a heartbeat. Who knows. But I really wondered.
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