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Well fall is here. I waited so anxiously for it. I hate summer and this one sucked. Bill brought up my autumn decorations earlier this week. We have one of those 4-tier corner shelves in the living room and on the top sits one of the baskets that sat beside Roald's casket at his funeral that has flowers, etc. and a bird in it. It's been there untouched since November.
I'm taking stuff off the others tiers and dusting. Then I see there are a bunch of dead petals lying on the top tier. I "dusted" them and they sort of went everywhere and so then I had to pick them all up and I just started bawling. I took them into the kitchen to throw them away and Bill followed me and grabbed me and just held me, rubbing my back. Why is it he is the only one IRL who comforts me about this? I guess maybe because he is the only other person who felt Roald's loss as heavily as I did.
Last year around this time we had a problem with mice in our basement. Well...wouldn't you know I had last year's autumn tablecloth folded on TOP of a bin instead of inside it for some reason. They picked at it and so now I can't use it. I am so mad. That was the tablecloth on the table when we came home from having Roald last year. I wanted THAT tablecloth. I am seriously about set about this tablecloth but I didn't tell anyone why. Ugh!!!!!!
SOemtimes the littleest things will set us off too. I have one or two people who understand and can comfort me. My mom was there when Colm was born, she has had a lot of nightmares since then, she was really upset about everything, so I know I at least have her.
My Aunt did an aesome thing for us. She took one of the flower arrangments and dried it for us and then took the petals and put them in a potpurri(sp?)bag that has a butterfly embroidered on it. She wrote his name and birthday. I thought it was a very nice thing to do since hte flowers die and fade, but you still want to keep them you know? I want to do something similar for the lady at work.
When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7 Sail Back to Me
Yeah, I have had little things like that set me off too. I'm sorry about your tablecloth honey. It's hard to lose the things we had when our babies were with us. It's like losing another tangible connection, when we have so few. And people who haven't been there don't understand that.