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this is NOT my first! ARGH *pregnancy mentioned*


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
September 28th, 2009, 03:15 PM
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Jon and I were out for lunch yesterday with my Dad and his wife. She always knows how to irk me by saying the stupidest comments. She was one of the people who said, "when I think of the name Katrina, all I'm going to think of is hurricane Katrina from now on." Oh please, get a grip, lady!

Anyway, we were talking about when I'll be going on mat leave with Sweet Pea here and I said I can use my 3 weeks holidays of 2010 to use before my mat leave, so I'll prob leave early February or so. She thought that was a good idea and then Jon was joking that if I did stay until closer to my due date, if I do happen to go into labour while at work, it would be more direct to get to the hospital than from our home. Of course she couldn't just laugh, she just had to say something stupid: "well with your first, labour is always much longer, so don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to get to the hospital." GRRRRRRRRRRRR, I was so mad, but I'm too nice to say anything. So stupid, she knows da.mn well I went into labour with Katrina and it was a very painful labour - both emotionally and physically.
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  #2  
September 28th, 2009, 03:37 PM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
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I'd have said something and watch her squirm out of it. Either that or slapped the stupid b***h!!
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  #3  
September 28th, 2009, 04:26 PM
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Wow, that lady has no tact and is an idiot. I'm sorry sweetie.
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  #4  
September 28th, 2009, 05:17 PM
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Yeah no tack at all. I'm sorry she doesn't think before openning her mouth.
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  #5  
September 28th, 2009, 06:51 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ummm, yeah, I totally would have said, "I already went through labor, thanks." Do their brains just shut off when it comes to our angel babies? Ugh.
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  #6  
September 28th, 2009, 07:40 PM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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I said it before and I'll say it again ... you just can't fix stupid. I'm sorry to hear she made such a dumb remark to you, Steph. Next time she says something equally dumb, just look her in the eye with a poker face and with proper annunciation and voice inflections, say to her 'aaaah sphincter says what?'
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  #7  
September 28th, 2009, 08:58 PM
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I think a b**** slap would have been in order.

I'm so sorry hun. I had it out w/a nurse at Kaden's 1st pediatrician appt last week. Wen she was asking my history, and I said loss at 20 weeks, she said so this is your 1st baby....

So yeah, that was a total stranger, I think I'd kill someone in my family that said something like that.
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  #8  
September 28th, 2009, 09:15 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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You know, I got a comment like that with Erin, and my response was "so, you mean 8 hours and a 6lb10oz baby before wasn't labor?"

Yeah, some people are just stupid. It might be longer than with Katrina since you have to dilate further, etc, but you're going to have the weight of a bigger baby who is helping you and a body that already knows what its doing.

Gah, I'm sorry you had to deal with that honey.
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  #9  
September 28th, 2009, 11:25 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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im with yvonne on this one, a slap indeed i hate stoopid people!!!! especially ones that pee me off in the 1st place, sorry hun
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  #10  
September 29th, 2009, 08:16 AM
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What a stupid comment to make! Too bad many times we can't just say back what we really feel like saying to them.
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  #11  
September 29th, 2009, 10:30 AM
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WTH? Wow. Definitely can't fix stupid. Comments like that really irritate me. I'm sorry she was so insensitive. (((hugs)))
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  #12  
September 29th, 2009, 08:45 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Um yeah...I can't stand it when people think a premature still birth just means the baby plops out. I had 13.5 hours of labor, uncluding 3-minute long contractions (from start to finish) with a 45 second break in between. It hurt and was awful.

And as far as someone discounting a fullterm stillbirth...what the heck, really??? I mean I know some people think anything less than fullterm is a "miscarriage" but...come on, obviously a fullterm baby is a birth no matter how dense someone is. Somnetimes with people like this I seriously think they think we live in denial and are trying to "put it all behind us" so they think they are helping by pretending it didn't happen, pretending this is a frist pregnancy, a first birth, etc? I mean it's still annoying...but that is the feeling I get with some people. Like they think we think it is taboo to "go there" so they play stupid around us.
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  #13  
September 30th, 2009, 10:00 AM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BakingMommy View Post
And as far as someone discounting a fullterm stillbirth...what the heck, really???
I've often thought that a miscarriage gets more sympathy and attention than a stillbirth, probably because miscarriages are so much more common and talked about than a stillbirth is. I had mentioned my stillbirth on some woman's support site; someone else in the same thread mentioned a miscarriage. Guess who got the "I am SO SORRY you had to experience that?" That's right, the miscarriage mom. One person acknowledged my stillbirth

NOTHING gets me irritated more than when people acknowledge a miscarriage and offer condolences and sympathy while totally ignoring someone's stillbirth, never acknowledging that yes --- this baby had limbs, eyes, ears, fingers, toes and I BIRTHED IT!!! I had to NAME the baby! I had to meet with a funeral director and decide on a burial or cremation!

It's so unfortunate that moms of stillborns are caught in the middle of miscarriage and infant death after the baby has been born. Either end of those spectrums get acknowledged; why don't stillbirths?

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  #14  
September 30th, 2009, 12:12 PM
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Talk about open mouth insert foot. I'm so sorry that she was so rude.
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  #15  
October 4th, 2009, 04:01 PM
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I get that too 'since this is my second labor' ..... its not. I'm sorry but its not. I was in labor for over 15 hours with Damian. I think that counts for something....
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  #16  
October 4th, 2009, 10:17 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Barb, you're so right!! I was talking about that with my husband just yesterday. People just don't know how to react...either they don't know how to react or they act like it was a miscarriage (as in "really painful period" type, as opposed to actual labor and delivery).

People are just stupid when it comes to being understanding to our situations.
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  #17  
October 5th, 2009, 06:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grlpisces View Post
I've often thought that a miscarriage gets more sympathy and attention than a stillbirth, probably because miscarriages are so much more common and talked about than a stillbirth is. I had mentioned my stillbirth on some woman's support site; someone else in the same thread mentioned a miscarriage. Guess who got the "I am SO SORRY you had to experience that?" That's right, the miscarriage mom. One person acknowledged my stillbirth

NOTHING gets me irritated more than when people acknowledge a miscarriage and offer condolences and sympathy while totally ignoring someone's stillbirth, never acknowledging that yes --- this baby had limbs, eyes, ears, fingers, toes and I BIRTHED IT!!! I had to NAME the baby! I had to meet with a funeral director and decide on a burial or cremation!

It's so unfortunate that moms of stillborns are caught in the middle of miscarriage and infant death after the baby has been born. Either end of those spectrums get acknowledged; why don't stillbirths?

I totally get this. I think because miscarriage is much more common it receives most of the 'attention,' if you want to call it that. I also think stillbirth scares many pregnant women. That once they hit 12, 14 or whatever 'magic week' everything is okay and it's now time to think about bringing home a baby. Stillbirth is something that just isn't talked about much and many would rather ignore it or pretend it only happens to other people. Sometimes I wonder why or if antenatal death is not viewed the same as, say, a neonatal loss. I often get that impression or vibe from people who claim or profess all life is precious and it's a baby regardless of it's in the mother's womb or not.
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  #18  
October 5th, 2009, 08:10 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't get the way stillbirth is viewwed either. You all know my issues and dealing with my loss. It makes me angry.

I absolutely labored with Colm, actually longer and as painful as both Caroleigh and Evie. And both of them were natural, no pain meds, so I can compare them. I actually wanted meds with Colm.
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  #19  
October 5th, 2009, 07:26 PM
dotcomkari's Avatar Bianca, Kai & Asia's mom
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I am sorry sweetie this happened to you. Some people will never understand.. unless it happens to them.. you know? IT has been almost 10 years now since I lost Olivia.. and I have heard so many rude remakrs.. and to tell you the truth it DOES NOT get easier with time.. but you kinda learn to shrug them off.. you know in your heart the truth.. and you know that precious Angel is looking down on you.. and you know how much your heart misses them.. and aches for them.. and that is all that matters..
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