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for my doula certification.
I had this planned before Eli was born and I have decided to go ahead and do it. I really hope that I don't freak out or break down or anything in the middle of the class. It's 6 weeks long and I am really looking forward to taking it and learning more about hypnobabies but at the same time I'm nervous that being around a bunch of pregnant women and taking a pregnancy class might be really difficult for me right now. Ugh. I just feel like I can't put my life on hold right now because that might be worse for me than doing things that are difficult at the moment...if that makes any sense.
There is one lady whose husband won't be there so I can be her birth partner during the classes if I want which I think will be great for me as far as learning the hypnobabies stuff.
And after I take the class, the instructor will refer doula clients to me from her hypnobabies classes since I will be familiar with hypnobabies and I can also be her back up doula.
You know, it's going to be hard, but the way I see it is that we just have to deal with it. We have no other options, we just have to move on with our lives and go ahead with our plans. Even though I work in the office, and don't deal with pregnant women, it's still hard to be here. I still have to deal with people who don't know what happened and still asking me how's my baby. Many days I just feel like one more question like this and I will break down in front of all these people. Almost every day I see people with babies or pregnant women in my building. There is one pregnant lady on my floor. I thought I could break down today since it's the first of October, and I was supposed to get back from my maternity leave this month. The other day I saw that some stores getting ready for the holidays, and I was thinking how I thought that there's going to be the four of us this holiday season. Just too many things that trigger the pain for me. Just have to deal with it.
Hang on. It'll be hard the first couple of days, then it will get easier.
Yeah, I think it'll be a good idea. That first class especially will be hard. But it'll be difficult no matter when you take it. Sometimes you just have jump back in. Like ripping off a bandaid, if that makes sense.