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I need to quit going to my old DDC


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
October 13th, 2009, 08:40 AM
noworries
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There was a post in there about a lady who is having early labor and had a big scare that her baby might be born a couple of days ago (she is about 30 weeks along). Anyway, the title of the post (from someone else in the DDC) was "Our first December baby might be born soon" and it made me really mad. Just because my baby didn't live doesn't mean that he wasn't born and wasn't my baby. So, the Dec. DDC already had a baby born, MY BABY. Anyway, just needed to vent about that somewhere.
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  #2  
October 13th, 2009, 09:02 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I'm sorry honey. It's got to be hard. I didn't find JM until after I lost Cora, so I never had a DDC to worry about. I'm sorry that you're feeling forgotten. Unfortunately, one of the responses of those who haven't been through it is to pretend that it never happened. And it's one of the worst things they could do to us.

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  #3  
October 13th, 2009, 09:12 AM
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I'm sorry. I had these feelings with my DDC. When I posted what happened on there, and came back later to read some of the responses, I found some negative comments. So I rarely go now.
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  #4  
October 13th, 2009, 09:40 AM
.adi.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by helen123 View Post
I'm sorry. I had these feelings with my DDC. When I posted what happened on there, and came back later to read some of the responses, I found some negative comments. So I rarely go now.
Sorry I'm Britt's sister and totally lurking.. You got negative comments when you told them what happened?

These are the main reasons people piss me off so bad. I've never experienced a loss personally, but I went through Britt's with hers and even our own family 'forgets' about Cora. Its really frustrating! my heart goes out to both of you and just remember, people don't know what to say and nobody ever really has tact when they've never been through a loss. They can't put themselves into your shoes so they don't know what will hurt you
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  #5  
October 13th, 2009, 09:46 AM
noworries
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .adi. View Post
Sorry I'm Britt's sister and totally lurking.. You got negative comments when you told them what happened?

These are the main reasons people piss me off so bad. I've never experienced a loss personally, but I went through Britt's with hers and even our own family 'forgets' about Cora. Its really frustrating! my heart goes out to both of you and just remember, people don't know what to say and nobody ever really has tact when they've never been through a loss. They can't put themselves into your shoes so they don't know what will hurt you
I do try to remember that if someone hasn't been through it (heck, even if someone has) they don't know what to say and just don't get it. But, I get tired of having to be thoughtful of others when they aren't being thoughtful of me. Ugh, I just wish no one ever had to go through the loss of a child.
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  #6  
October 13th, 2009, 10:08 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had to stop going to my DDC as well. I would get pretty upset about things that were going on, about doctors not taking women serisouly with concerns, etc.

I did go back and read some of the birth stories, but even those made me cringe.
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  #7  
October 13th, 2009, 11:06 AM
.adi.
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I so agree with you. Nobody is ever thoughtful to mothers of angels

Well at least I'm a thoughtful one and my voice is very loud on the subject. Maybe we'll change the world one person at a time. Keep your head up mama. It's not your fault their being rude and it's obvious that everyone here loves you and supports you. You learn who your true friends are when you have a loss.
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  #8  
October 13th, 2009, 11:59 AM
Aeterna's Avatar Super Speshil
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I stopped visiting my due date groups about three or so weeks after I had him. I distanced myself from non-parenting related forums where friends were pregnant. It just became too much of a painful reminder of what I didn't have.

It's hard. I tried to hang in there as long as I could and offer up my congratulations, but I was jealous and bitter.
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  #9  
October 13th, 2009, 12:15 PM
noworries
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Ok, I guess I was just being over emotional before. One of the sweet ladies in my old DDC just posted this http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1...l#post17615329
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  #10  
October 13th, 2009, 12:59 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry he was forgotten, but it's very sweet someone remembered and pointed it out. It's so hard to navigate this all, and try to maintain relationships with those who were part of the "before."
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  #11  
October 13th, 2009, 01:26 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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  #12  
October 13th, 2009, 01:44 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That was a very sweet post someone made remembering Eli. I would have felt hurt if I had seen that other post though about maybe soon having a first baby born to the DDC even after I had mine. It is completely understandable. Even if I didn't feel mad, it would still feel hurtful.

I am going to read Eli's birth story now. I wish I had been a member of a DDC when I was pregnant with Roald...I probabaly would have asked if I could add his birth story to share like that.
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  #13  
October 13th, 2009, 03:49 PM
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The warm friendship in the original post of the remembrance thread brought tears to my eyes. I was part of a ddc on another board when i was prego with Joey and they were all so thoughtful, just like the dear mama who remembered Eli. I am off to read your birth story. You know you will always have a place with us, even if you don't feel comfortable with other moms.
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  #14  
October 13th, 2009, 04:09 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Oh that was so sweet of them!!! Brought tears to my eyes.


(And Adi....I love you!)
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  #15  
October 14th, 2009, 09:31 AM
.adi.
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I'm so glad everyone remembered your little guy!

And you've been saying that a lot lately britt, lol!
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  #16  
October 14th, 2009, 11:20 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .adi. View Post
I'm so glad everyone remembered your little guy!

And you've been saying that a lot lately britt, lol!
It's because you're fabulous.
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  #17  
October 14th, 2009, 11:27 AM
noworries
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Adi, I don't even know you and I think your kind of fabulous too.
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