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Finally having a good hard cry.


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
October 15th, 2009, 02:21 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
It's been coming for days, and I finally lost it. I was watching a memorial video for a blogger friend's stillborn daughter, and broke down.


I wish so much that I had been living in a place that was closer to family. Maybe if they had gotten to see her and hold her, they'd be a bit more supportive.

Maybe then I would have gotten to bury her, so that I could have a grave to go decorate and visit. Then she could have a grave stone that could tell the world that she was here.


Mostly I just miss my baby girl. I wish that could actually be a mother to her, take care of her, teach her things.


I wish we all got that with our babies.
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  #2  
October 15th, 2009, 08:31 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192


You are such a good mother, it just baffles me when mothers like you lose a baby. It just doesn't make sense in this life.

I am sad sometimes when I visit Roald's grave because I remember you saying a long time ago that you wanted to bury her but at the time it wasn't really possible. My IRL friend Jen whose daughter Savannah was stillborn was i nthe same boat. I felt awful sending her his stone pic because I know she wants to someday bury Savannah's ashes she wants a grave so badly. I am also one of those people who prefers burial so I would feel exactly the same way. (But I think if someone prefers cremation that is absolutely fine! No offense being meant here!)

But...at least Jenny Lake is so beautiful though I know now it is so far away. Wow, I'm making myself really cry for you now too. *HUGS*
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  #3  
October 16th, 2009, 06:55 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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Location: huddersfield, england
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i was like this last night having watched the slide show and then all the pictures of the candles everyone had lit, i just felt so sad i really missed/miss her the heart wrnching feeling was back and it so hurts,

brittanie why dont u but a little tree and plant it in your garden and get a little memorial stone for cora then that wat you could decorate her special place and it can be hers light candles and things thats wht i have done
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  #4  
October 16th, 2009, 07:04 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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Quote:
Originally Posted by claire1979 View Post
brittanie why dont u but a little tree and plant it in your garden and get a little memorial stone for cora then that wat you could decorate her special place and it can be hers light candles and things thats wht i have done
As soon as we get into a house that's totally what I'm going to do! Right now though, I live in a second-floor apartment. So I can't really plant a tree.

Stupid house hunting. It's not going so well.
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  #5  
October 16th, 2009, 07:39 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,687
(((hugs)))

This is the exact reason we have kept Colm's cremains in our house. Someday we will have our own home and a place that we will stay for many years. When that day comes we will either have him buried in a cemetary or spread his ashes somewhere near-by. I just couldn't bear the thought of being sent overseas and living in Germany or the UK and my baby being buried in the veteran's cemetary in NJ.
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  #6  
October 16th, 2009, 08:01 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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I am a peace with the way we did things because of our circumstances. I understand why so many of you kept the ashes...I just couldn't. For me it was like an extra reminder, and it hurt so bad to have them in my house when I couldn't have her. So I am at peace with spreading her ashes and making such a beautiful place that much MORE beautiful.

I just wish things could have been different. ((and why stop at the circumstances that lead us opt for cremation, I wish that decision never had to be made in the first place!))


But I really am feeling better about it this morning. I think all the emotional buildup with doing the video and making my plans for the candles for PAIL day yesterday just sort of exploded. I needed that hard cry.
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