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Oh man today at our ultrasound we saw the heart beating but Vera wasn't moving. The tech kept jiggling my belly around and Vera would NOT move. Then she said she needed to see movement and the diaphragm (sp) moving and everytime she moved the wand away from the heart I was flipping out inside. I began thinking terrible things...thinking they were going to send us to the hospital...thinking thank God we have insurance now at least if I have to have her....I was losing the ability to breath....tears were welling...I began taking my left arm out from underneath my head to reach for Bill's hand...I was glad that Bill was with me this time if something was wrong (I was alone at Roald's death ultrasound)...I even thought about how I ALWAYS take a shower before appointments...even if I had one the night before. I had NOT taken one the day we found out Roald was dead. And guess what? We woke up super late today (Bill has been working 3 PM to 3 AM and our U/S was at 1 PM but we were up late last night...) so I did not have time to shower first.
I wanted to start ng at her "Stop it! We have to go now if there is something wrong! Her heart is beating and she is 34 weeks, she has a chance! Stop messing around here!"
She left the room to get the buzzer. She came back and buzzed a couple times then we got some movement and practice breathing. She didn't even do measurements (besides amniotic fluid) and then said she was done and that Vera got an 8 out of 8. No measurements. No weight guestimate. I was peeved. And I was also so freaking scared lying there. So I feel better now. But those moments of no movement sent terrible flashbacks and shock waves through me. I just had to tell somebody how scary it was and I know you girls would understand.