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At the hospital they had Ella wrapped up in a small receiving blanket, well over time it got covered in her blood and I guess body fluids...After they took her from me they brought that and her hat back to me in a zip lock baggie...Well today I opened the bag and the smell was just horrible...I felt so bad even saying it stunk...I called my mom freaking out because I didn't want to wash it, but I knew if I kept it like that it would get rotten and just be worthless...So I washed it, and it doesn't stink, but I feel so bad that I washed it...It's still stained, but it's just not the same...I have another blanket that she was also in that I brought with us...It has a small amount of blood on it, but not much so I don't have to wash it...I don't know why I'm obsessing over putting that blanket it the washer, it was so smelly that I had to leave my bedroom ...I'm not sure I'm going to sleep tonight because I'm so upset over it...I'm also upset because I haven't heard anything from anyone so I assume she's still at the hospital...I just want her cremated soon, I can't stand the thought of her being alone in a cold room with them doing who knows what to her....I'm sorry, I'm just having a really bad night tonight ....I'm thinking it's time to take a sleeping pill and go to sleep....I might just sleep with that blanket too.
Oh and I'm giving myself till monday to change my siggy...If I can't, then i'm giving myself till wed 1 week after her birth....I think it's time.
I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this.... Yes sleeping with Ella's blanket is a great idea it will help you a lot. I slept with Evans taggy bear blanket every night for like a week and it helped me a lot then I put it away in his memory box.
I'm so sorry. I didn't keep the things she was actually wrapped in, they were cremated with her. But I'm sorry you had to go through this. We don't want to let go of anything that is them. And we don't want to think of them as anything less than perfect. But the world doesn't let us have our way all the time and that hurts so badly.
I had to take sleepaids for 2 weeks afterward. Do what you need to do. Keep that blanket close for as long as you need.
I'm so sorry. I went through the same thing with Alex's little hat. But a friend suggested something and I'd like to share it with you (I hope you don't think it too weird). If they washed Ella with any kind of particular soap, you can get some, wash the blanket in it, and the smell will be a sensory reminder. It helped me a lot.
They did not give us the blanket he was wrapped in. Instead they gave us some shirt thing that he didn't even touch which I remember made me so mad. I didn't think they would give me the blanket and I felt like they would think I was weird if I asked for a bloody blanket. So it's gone forever.
But I remember seeing the little smudges of blood on his footprints i nthe molds they made for me. It seemed like others would find this weird, but I was so happy there was some real actual part of his body on something that I got to keep. I guess someone who doesn't experience the loss of someone so special would think that's really weird.
aww i'm really sorry they never gave you his blanket...The one they gave me of Ella's (the one soaked with her blood etc) was a special blanket, it wasn't a hospital blanket...After I was left alone in my room, my legs were still wobbley from my epidural, I got up and stole the blanket she was first wrapped in...I'm not sure if it was the actual first blanket, but it was one of them I think...Even if it wasn't, it made me feel better...Her blanket is now washed, it's still stained, and has a smell to it now that it's dry, it could actually use another washing, but i'm not going to wash it again...Her hat still has all the same blood etc on it, and i'm not going to wash it....I guess we don't really have much to hold on to of our babies, that's why we want to keep as much as we can...I have been saving everything I can find, any little thing from my hospital stay...I found some crackers they gave me today (unopened) and I put them in the drawer in my kitchen because i couldn't bear to throw them out right now, the reminded me of her, strange I know.