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Just like I suspected, the doctor had no clue about the baby...With everything connected with the hospitals, all my doctors etc (they are in the hospital network), I don't understand how something like that wouldn't be in my files...So anyway, I had to tell them what happened...They felt horrible, obviously and he wanted to know if they knew if it was connected to my surgery or not...He brought up doing the radio active treatment...I said that I didn't want to do it now, I want to try for another baby in a few months, and I don't want to wait another year+...He said that he's on the fence with waiting...I have the most curable kind of thyroid cancer, but mine was a little different, it was more spreadable, and it had started to spread into my blood vessels...He feels like he owes me more than just his opinion though, so he wants to send me down to Seattle to meet with some other doctors since we just don't have that many where we live...He also said that we can start prepping me for a body scan and see what that says too...He also said that he's had patients that were going to get the radioactive treatment, and accidentally got pregnant...I'm not sure I would do that, I don't want to have to have another surgery or go threw treatment while pregnant again since I still think that might of had something to do with Ella's passing (even though I'm not sure)...I Think that if my scan comes back with nothing in it, we can wait and he wants to see what the other doctors have to say etc...None of this is going to happen till Jan or Feb anyway, so that gives me time to think about things and grieve etc...I just know that I can't wait that long before even trying for another baby...I've wanted her now for almost 2 years, and I know that she won't ever be replaceable, but I do still want another baby I can't help that feeling...I feel so empty...I also went to the funeral home and dropped off all the paperwork...They are going to contact me when she is cremated...I also told them that I wanted her bracelet that they had on her body, and made note of that...We just need to get the urn, and pick a date for her service and get that all arranged...it was so hard going in and finishing up all that paperwork, it made it seem so final
Yeah I really hated doing things like preparing for the funeral, etc. Because like you said...it makes it all the more final. Then when his stone was installed in May and there would be nothing else to plan or prepare for besides birthdays...I went into a really depressed bout. Because then it was pretty much totally final.