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I'm so annoyed. I am back to the gym and working out. It's pretty much my only time out of the house since Kaden is so little and has to be held almost constantly now.
I'm on anti-depressants, they are helping, but I'm still having random crying episodes. Like last night DH and I watched the orphan, and when it comes on and she's having the dream about her stillbirth, I lost it and sobbed.
Last week, my second trip to the gym, I was stretching and fell and split my stitches back open and they had to sew me back up, so now I feel like I'm right back where I started. I just feel like I'm going in circles lately.
My family was really sweet on the 15th though, we all lit candles and placed Keegan's stone. My baby is almost 5 weeks old now, I really thought I would have a handle on my feelings for my loss by now, but every day with him just seems to make me feel worse. The silliest thing is, I feel like as soon as he's reached a good age, as tough as my pregnancy and labor were, I'm ready to go through it again. I feel obligated now to have at least a couple kids to help feel like I have a home full of love and the family I always wanted.
I'm really looking forward to Kaden starting to sleep through the night, so we can get some rest. He's been so fussy lately, which only adds to the frustration since I only get a few hours of sleep.
There are a few things. One your baby is only a few weeks old and the hormones are going crazy. Anytime a woman has a baby the hormones will make her weepy for a few MONTHS, not weeks.
Another is that the intense grieving period lasts 18-24 months on average. Average means half the people are less and half are more. So it is perfectly normal for you to still be grieving for Keegan. And that is only for the intense period. The less intense will last even longer.
When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7 Sail Back to Me