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It's with great sadness that I am joining this board. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 4. We have a wonderful 7 year old daughter. We decided on an addition to our family. We concieved in July.
Our whole pregnancy has been going wonderful until last week when I had a little spotting. The doctor thought it might be post-coitus. Then this Wednesday we had the same issue. I went to the E.R. We had an ultrasound and found out we were having a girl. I was ordered to bedrest.
Later that night, the bleeding stopped, but I was cramping. I thought nothing of it. Well, then everything started really going quickly. I noticed, "Is there are pattern to my cramps. Could they be contractions? Nah" Then, I went to the bathroom and my water broke, "Nah, just peed." I changed my undies. Then, I felt her coming out feet first. I woke my husband up and told him the baby was coming right now! He dialed 911. With one more contraction she was out. I could see she wasn't alive.
The 911 operater sent everyone and quickly. We must have had 10 people here, police, fire, paramedics. The paramedics were amazing. They cut my ambilical cord and got my on my way. At this point I started bleeding badly. I got to my hospital room and the doctor and nurses kept trying to deliver my placenta. It was not coming. I was losing lots of blood and fast. I could feel myself losing it consciousness. My blood pressure was dropping. I had to be rushed into the o.r.
The hospital staff had a wonderful grievence staff. They let my husband dress her in hand made tiny clothing. They took a family picture. I came home last night without a baby. That's very difficult to handle.
Some of the emotions going through my head are, "I should have known I was having contractions, I've had a baby before. Why was I so slow to react?" I know people have told me there's nothing more I could have done, but there are so many thoughts going on right now.
I thank you for listening to my story.
New Mom to a baby boy!
Big Sister 8 yo.
1 angel baby girl, 10/21/2009. 20w, 6d. Blog
I am so sorry to welcome you here. We all ache when someone new joins us.
I think we all have those "why didn't I do ....". For me, my baby was stillborn at 35w5d... and at about 35w I had a day of no movement and then a day of extreme movement. And I will always wonder why I didn't go in to get him checked, maybe they could have done something, you know? Those thoughts stay with you.... but at the same time I've kind of come to peace with it, that I did the best I could. In your place... I certainly wouldn't have thought anything of contractions at 20 weeks, I mean who expects that?
Big hugs. I hope you have time and support to grieve. I'm glad the hospital was good to you.
Sad welcome to the board. I wish nobody else would join this board.
I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost Eric Jason at 39 weeks on July 12, 2009. I also have a 7 year old daughter and dh and I are married for 10 years. This board has been an amazing place of support for me.
Once again i'm so very sorry you have to join us here...I just lost my baby girl at 22 weeks and 3 days just 9 days ago....I think she passed 1-2 weeks before she was born...It was so hard coming home without a baby, and that's all i've thought about for the last couple of weeks...I hope that everyone here can help you the way that they've helped me, and hopefully in time things will get better for you.
I agree with Nat, we all have those, "well, why didn't I..." thoughts. Why didn't I go to the hospital when I felt like something was wrong and my coworker offered to finish my shift so I could go to the hospital? Instead I decided to wait to see what happened in the morning, and in the morning she was dead. None of us could have forseen it. Just trust yourself that if you had known, you would have done more. Looking back on it afterward, you can see all the points where you should have done something differently, but since you DIDN'T know, you just did the best with what you had. It's not any fault of yours.
Like the others I wish you didn't have to be here, but I'm glad you found us.
I'm glad you decided to come over to the stillbirth board...the girls are amazing here. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's been over a year since we lost our Angel Katrina and I grieve for her every single moment. It does get easier to cope, but the love and heartache you have for your baby girl will never, ever go away.
Last edited by LaLaLa1; October 23rd, 2009 at 09:50 AM.
I am so sad that we have to welcome you here, but everyone here is wonderful and will be here for you no matter what!!
I just lost my baby boy Evan James on 08/17/2009 he was stillborn @ 40 weeks 1 day...
Everything you are feeling is completly normal. I ask myself all the time why didn't I know sometihng was wrong but I had a completly healthy pregnancy and just didn't think anything of it. I woke up on August 16th (my due date)and my back was hurting really bad all day and Evan wasn't very active I thought maybe I am getting ready to go into labor so I called my ob and she told me to go to the hospital, when I arrived they put me on monitors and couldn't find a heartbeat so they did a u/s and that is when they confirmed he was gone. I delivered him the next morning @ 9:02 he had a double knot in his cord and cut off his oxygen.
Don't blame yourself it wasn't anything you done wrong..
If you need anyone to talk to please feel free to pm me..
Again I am so sorry about your baby girl.
You and your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
I have a 11 year old son, 10 year old son and two angels in heaven my first angel is Alex I lost him at 17 weeks and My Evan just recently lost
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your precious Emma Jean. I agree with all the others who stated that we wish we didn't ever have to welcome new members, but we do so with open arms.
I've said this before and I'll say it again --- all the moms in here are the strongest group of women I have ever met, and although it hurts to have to have met them this way, I am honored to be a part of this priceless group.
Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!
I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).
*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
I remember reading this but I just now realized I had not replied, I'm sorry. That is so sad. I would have been devastated if I'd have gone into labor like that too. But yes...there really was not anything you could have done. I think alot of us at 21 weeks would be in shock and denial if it were happening as well.