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There are so many trigger things that our setting off my crying. Yesterday was the first time I got dressed since our loss. I put on regular clothing and it was loose. I don't want to wear those clothes. It's so unfair.
New Mom to a baby boy!
Big Sister 8 yo.
1 angel baby girl, 10/21/2009. 20w, 6d. Blog
I know how you feel hun! I did the same thing the first time I put on regular clothes I cried my eyes out I wanted my pregnant tummy back so bad! I still every now and then look in the mirror and want it all back! It isn't fair at all that any of us have to go through this!
For me it was the opposite. I was so glad that I fit back into regular clothes after only a couple days because it was SO HARD for me to be wearing maternity clothes when I wasn't pregnant and didn't have a baby. I was so disgusted with my body, for its betrayal, for everything. I was glad that if I didn't have a baby, at least it didn't look like I'd ever been pregnant in the first place.
It's so hard at first because everything is a trigger. I felt like just walking down the street there were a million different reminders of what I no longer had.
I remember thinking that pregnant people were following me. Every stinking where I went there were tons of VERY pregnant looking women. Or those with newborns. It still seems that way to me sometimes. Triggers are just everywhere.
I hated that my stomach wasn't as big, so for some things I could go back to "regular" clothes, but the majority of my stuff was still too small so I had to still wear my maternity clothes. The hardest was to Katrina's funeral, so it made it even harder...I was wearing my maternity shirt and this short sleeve cardigan over it that wasn't maternity, but I bought it specifically for my pregnancy because it only has a button near the top, so it would have flowed over my big stomach so perfectly.
And yea, there were just way too many triggers...I started having panic attacks a few times because I could have sworn that pregnant women were mocking me everywhere I went...like I knew to avoid the mall, but of course when I first went back to work, the only customers I swear who came in were pregnant women or women with newborns. Oh and of course ALL of the new babies and everyone I knew were having girls.
I'm having a hard time with pregnant woman too...2 days after I had Ella we went out for anniversary, and I swear everywhere we looked someone was pregnant...My husband has even commented about it...The day I found out Ella was gone, I went to the pharmacy to get my sleeping pills and of course everyone around me was either pregnant or had a newborn....At my daughter's school every day while i'm waiting in the pickup line there's this woman that gets out of her car and I can tell she is about as far along as I would be, and it just kills me every day to see this woman...I hate being so angry and bitter, but I can't help it...My niece is also pregnant, and half the people she knows is pregnant...They are all very young, not as stable as we are etc and I can't help but think it's not fair...I'm not saying I want anyone else to go threw this, but I don't know why I had to....I can't help but be mad....It's just going to get harder the closer I get to Feb, and the date that my little girl was due...I'll notice pregnant woman more and more, and then babies that would be her age...i'm not sure how i'm going to handle that.
Megan, is really is hard at first. My best friend has a little girl who is 2 months younger than Cora (who also has red hair!!!), and it still hurts to look at her, but I also love her dearly. Then another good friend has a little boy who is exactly 2 weeks younger than Cora.
i'm glad it won't always hurt this much....I just wish that time was here now...I already know that everytime I see my nieces baby that i'm going to be reminded that Ella would be just a little younger than him.