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Today both my kids have soccer games...My husband has been going for the last month to all games because of my Surgery and then what happend to Ella...I was thinking of going with him and the kids, but it's so hard...Right up the same road from the Soccer games is where Ella's body is right now and the thought of being so close just makes me so sad...I know that if I go that's all i'm going to think of, not to mention i'm sure everyone is going to ask how i'm doing etc...I'm so sick of that question "How are you doing" UGHHH I seriously might scream if someone asks me that again...I know they are meaning well, but I wish people would understand that i'm not doing good...My baby was born 10 days ago and I don't have her and I never will, there's no way i'm doing fine...My daughter's best friends mom called yesterday and acted like it never happend, talked about us going trick-or-treating with them etc...She's a very nice woman, we usually talk alot but I haven't talked to her much in the last month...Even though I don't want people to ask how i'm doing, I also hate pretending like nothing happend and everything is how it used to be...So any way, i'm not sure if i'm up to being around people or being so close to my baby girl and not being able to see/hold her...I feel like I can't have any type of closer untill her cremation happens...This wait is just killing me...I know what she looked like the last I saw her, and it just hurts to think of how she is now...I wish I could just go wrap her up in her blanket and hold her one more time, but i'm sure it's not good for me to see her now...I want to remember her the way she looked.
For me, it was easier to go out each time I did it. I hope it's the same for you. Once you get out and do it, it gets easier to do.
Eventually I just started answering "It sucks, and I'm doing as well as can be expected." I couldn't pretend everything was "okay" anymore. I hope that you do okay. Good luck!
((I hated that limbo between giving her to the funeral home and when they actually got the cremation done. It's hard. When we went down to get her hand print done, they asked if I wanted to see her, and like you I just wanted to remember her the way she was when I had her. I didn't want to see what that couple of days would have done to her. With it being over a week, I think that is a good decision on your part. Just remember her perfection))
We ended up driving past the funeral home where Ella's body is right now and I almost broke down ...I held it in for the kids sake and then sat in the car alone for a half hour till I calmed down...I didn't think it would be that hard...It was also hard being out in public and I think everyone I know is trying to avoid me ...Going out today for that long was too much, I'm just emotionally exhausted and drained.