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Happy Birthday Kayla and Kaitlin!


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
November 9th, 2009, 07:58 AM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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One year ago today, I gave birth to my girls. It all started the day before. I would be in labor for most of the day, but I had no clue. The pain was finally bad enough that I would go to L&D. There I would learn that my water sack was bulging. Right at that second I knew it was over. The Dr.'s and nurses did everything they could to stop the labor from progressing, but I knew it was too far. I spent the night in the hospital with never ending thoughts of my life coming crashing down. The next morning, right at this time, I would give birth to Kayla, 10:38am. She was so full of blood her skin was a dark red color. 3 minutes later, Kaitlin was born. She was so fragile looking. Both of my girls just so beautiful. I couldn't believe I was going through that. It felt like a dream, more like a nightmare. I never knew I could hurt that much emotionally. I still do. Everyday is a challenge. It's so hard to now think of life any differently. Every single second there is that lingering thought "If Kayla and Kaitlin were here, what would they be doing now?" Would they be walking, talking, crying, laughing, sleeping, getting into something they shouldn't? The thoughts are just endless. The pain never goes away. Once you have lost a baby, your life is forever changed.

A few months later, I would be pregnant again, only to lose that baby to Trisomy. Does that hurt more than ever. Now I sit in limbo wondering if I want children.

Today, to celebrate our girls Angelversary, Neal and I will take a ride and find a nice spot to release some balloons.

I love you girls more than anything and hope you are having fun. Mommy and Daddy never stop thinking about you. Wishing you were here with us more than anything!!!


ETA: What hurts just as much is knowing that I was misdiagnosed. My perinatologist kept telling me it wasn't TTTS, Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome which I know it was now. I could have been treated for this issue but since I was mislead, nothing was done about it. I hate that Dr. If I ever see him again..... I would have done anything, and I mean anything to help my girls. What kills me is that Dr. is still practicing not knowing he was wrong. I don't know what to do about it. I sought legal advice but nothing happened. It really kills me inside knowing this sh*thead Dr. was wrong and who knows how many more people are losing their babies because of his lax treatments...
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Last edited by lex1078; November 9th, 2009 at 08:38 AM.
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  #2  
November 9th, 2009, 08:03 AM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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Oh Steph

I was just thinking about you and was going to post a message for you telling you that I was thinking about you and your girls on this day. I hope that this day is gentle for you and Neal. My own heart is breaking right now when I think how difficult this day must be for you

To Kayla and Kaitlin --- Happy 1st Birthday to two beautiful angels. Floaty kisses to you both.
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  #3  
November 9th, 2009, 08:15 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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im so sorry hun that its been a whole year you/we non of us should be here it breaks my heart everyday

hope the day passes gentle for you both i will be thinking of you and your 3 angels today as kayla and kaitlin celebrate the first angelversary in the clouds
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  #4  
November 9th, 2009, 08:45 AM
noworries
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Happy Birthday to your sweet girls Kayla and Kaitlin. HUGS
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  #5  
November 9th, 2009, 08:51 AM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Happy Birthday to your sweet angel girls! and a big ((Hug)) to you!
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  #6  
November 9th, 2009, 08:58 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Happy birthday, sweetlings. We all miss you.

I'm so sorry about everything... especially the doctor. Nothing makes me angrier than doctors who don't seem to care.
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  #7  
November 9th, 2009, 09:34 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Happy Birthday girls, we all miss you. to mama.
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  #8  
November 9th, 2009, 10:32 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That is BS about the TTTS. That is so sad.

Been thinking about you and Neal since last night and all day today. This year has tremendously sucked for you and I'm so sorry.

Happy first birthday to Kayla and Kaitlin. I hope you will share pics of their first birthday if you take any.
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  #9  
November 9th, 2009, 01:09 PM
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Happy 1st Birthday, to Kayla and Kaitlin! Hugs!
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  #10  
November 9th, 2009, 02:11 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Happy Birthday girls!!!


Steph, I was planning on posting a thread for them, but this morning exploded and it slipped my mind, I'm SO SORRY!

I hope you find a little peace today.
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  #11  
November 9th, 2009, 03:12 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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Thank you girls so much!

Neal and I had a very nice day. We drove out east on Long Island's North Shore, we actually could have went farther, but we just didn't need to. We found a nice little park on the water where we were able to walk out on a dock. We both wrote a little note to Kayla and Kaitlin on balloons and we released them at the end of the dock. We watched them until we couldn't see them anymore. We picked up some seashells from the small beach that was there and decided we would go there every year for our girls. We will always collect 2 seashells and write the year and what birthday it was on it. In a few years I'll make something out of them and then start over.
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  #12  
November 9th, 2009, 05:14 PM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm just seeing this and can't believe it's been a year already!
Sounds like you've found a wonderful spot to share with your girls!!!
Hugs to you both!
Dawna
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  #13  
November 9th, 2009, 06:20 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Happy Birthday to your beautiful baby girls!

As for the doctor, if the legal pursuit didn't work you can write a letter to the licensing board so that it is at least reported.
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  #14  
November 9th, 2009, 06:47 PM
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Steph -

I've been thinking of you and your precious baby girls all day. They're celebrating their first birthday with all of our angels up there. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you went through within this past year and it re-broke my heart reading your story again.

Many, many

(Sorry I wasn't able to respond earlier...I was at work all day and haven't had time to get on JM until now.)
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  #15  
November 9th, 2009, 07:47 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Angel Katrina View Post
Steph -

I've been thinking of you and your precious baby girls all day. They're celebrating their first birthday with all of our angels up there. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you went through within this past year and it re-broke my heart reading your story again.

Many, many

(Sorry I wasn't able to respond earlier...I was at work all day and haven't had time to get on JM until now.)
Jeez Steph, I've been waiting in front of my computer all day waiting for your response. How dare you take so long!!!! I'm just kidding... You don't have to apologize for being at work and you certainly don't have to feel bad for responding so late Dawna.... I understand we all have lives out side of our computers and don't sit in front of them all day long. I appreciate your thoughts and sharing no matter what time it is, even if you didn't get to respond until tomorrow.

Good night ladies!!!
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  #16  
November 9th, 2009, 08:35 PM
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^ haha, well I felt bad! I tried responding at work, then my boss walked by, so I quickly had to close my JM window!
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  #17  
November 10th, 2009, 06:30 AM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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You're too cute Stephanie
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  #18  
November 10th, 2009, 11:00 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am so glad you guys found a "spot". And that whole seashell idea is awesome.
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