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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
November 13th, 2009, 11:12 AM
littlebeansmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 695
Ok, so it's that time of year. The holidays. A time that will never be the same again for me, for all of us. Last year I was busy telling everyone in our Christmas cards that DS was excited about a baby brother in April. This year.....

For those that have already been through the holidays after having an angel, how did you handle Christmas cards? I have people on my card list that I'm pretty sure don't know we lost the baby.

I'm debating writing a holiday letter with our card this year, sort of explaining what happened. Will it be h*ll to do emotionally, yes, but do I feel compelled to do it, yes. Any suggestions or tips to make this process easier?
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  #2  
November 13th, 2009, 12:01 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
aww mama...I was due in April too. My babe was stillborn April 4 at 40+2. We had a large Memorial Service so anyone we send cards to knows about Joey, but I think a letter sounds like a wonderful idea.

I would try to sound thankful for the time you had with your baby...thats what we did and it made everyone a lot more comfortable...not that making others comfortable is the most important thing....Maybe focus more on where you are at right now...Missing your babe but trying to find a new sense of normal playing with your living ds and also looking forward to your new baby (I'm prego again too, due in June)

Its a tough one...would you ever want to write something and then post it for opinions? Or if you simply want someone to kind of proof it just pm me.
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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  #3  
November 13th, 2009, 05:04 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
We always have done a Christmas letter about our family's year. So the first year I added this paragraph...

This year was also one of the saddest and hardest years of our lives so far. Our year started wonderfully because we found out that we were pregnant. I was due September 21st. We were nervous but so excited at the prospect of a new sibling for Sarah Beth and a new baby. We found out that it was going to be a boy, so we named him Bryan Luke. On July 31st, I was sent to the hospital with the same kind of problems that I had with Sarah Beth. It seemed to resolve a little, so I was sent home to be on bed rest until Bryan Luke was born. Everything was fine with him; they were just worried about my blood pressure and other things. However, on August 4, I went to the hospital with a severe headache. When we got there, we discovered Bryan Luke had died. The cause is unknown. He made such a difference in our lives even in his short life. He inspires me to do more and to love more. I am looking for ways to honor his memory by helping others. We miss him so much. He was beautiful. I think he looked a lot like Joe (just like Sarah Beth does), but he had curly black hair. Our son will be forever missed and forever loved. This Christmas we’ve done a lot of things to remember him including buying gifts for a DHR child and have other things around the house in memory of him.
In the wonderfulness, the sadness, the joy and the pain we as a family
have come closer to each other and to God. We don’t have answers, but we trust God still loves us and that He weeps with us. Our son will forever be a part
of our family. Our joy and our hope remain in God alone.


Last year, we signed the letter with all our names and under that added,

~Always loving and missing our baby boy, Bryan Luke.~

We'll sign it the same way this year.

I hope you can find the right words. It was cathartic for me to write the letter. And it helped so much because I stopped having people ask me about "the new baby" who had known me while I was pregnant but not heard the news.

Big hugs...
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  #4  
November 14th, 2009, 09:59 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 244
Well I had a picture card, which was a pic of my daughter wearing her shirt that says "My twin brother is an angel in heaven" and then the greeting said "Happy Holidays" and then "Mike, Laura and Ella" then "with Logan forever in our hearts".

I will always recognize Logan on the card. I almost didn't last year, because I didn't want to make people feel weird, but then I decided I don't care. He is mine, he will always be mine, and always be part of our family. And he will always be mentioned or represented in some way on our Christmas cards. This year I am considering writing a holiday letter too, but not sure. I fear I would end up rambling on because it's so hard to put into a short paragraph what all feelings have gone on this past year. I dunno.

Whatever you feel is right and best in your heart to do, is what you should do. My best advice is to not allow yourself to worry or fret about what anyone else will think about how you choose to honor/remember your little boy.

As far as coping with it...well, there's no advice really other than take one moment at a time. (one day at a time never applied for me, I had to break it down into moments)

*hugs* Even though I went through my first 'holidays' after losing Logan last year, this year seems just as daunting for me. I am very anxious about it.
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Mike-35
b/g twins Logan and Ella
10/06/08
Logan stillborn, loved beyond measure

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