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With the Holidays coming up, I was wondering how do you celebrate without your angels. Especially the first year.
I know we have to celebrate for my daughter, but it's incredibly hard. Last year around this time I was pregnant, and was getting excited about the 2009 Holiday season thinking it will be the 4 of us. I don't want to do too much this year, but I'm not sure if the rest of the family will understand.
I don't know what we are going to do....I'm trying to do everything that I would normally do for my other kids sake...I do know that I am staying home for thanksgiving and Christmas....I just don't want to be around the whole family...Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and I am a little excited, but at the same time I'm more sad and depressed...It might be a little different since I would of still been pregnant, next year would of been Ella's first christmas...I have bought her 3 ornaments...It's not going to be the same, but i'm going to keep going for the other kids...We have alot of traditions that we do with the kids, and it's not fair to them if we don't do them.
Luckily my daughter is too young to get excited about the holidays so if we don't do much it won't be a big deal. We are spending Thanksgiving at my sisters house but she lives right next door to my mom so if I need to get away I can just go over to my moms house. My daughters birthday is right after Christmas and we are flying to Phoenix on her birthday to spend a week with my in-laws and I'm not sure how I am going to handle that yet.
The Christmas season was full of mixed emotions. I couldn't really get into shopping nor decorating nor ANYTHING that would normally put me into the holiday spirit. Christmas day itself was such a bittersweet day for me last year. We had Julia to celebrate with and for, but we didn't have Noah to celebrate with and for. DH and I put up Christmas tree and decorations, I cooked a dinner for us all, but Julia was (still is) too young to get excited so it really was more for US doing something for her first Christmas.
I cried on Christmas day. Quite a bit, actually, off and on throughout the day. But there was this little bird that, all week right up to Christmas day, would come tapping on either of two small windows we have in the kitchen. He'd tap on the window and just sit there (I even managed to snap a picture of him on Christmas day and have posted it on Facebook). Every single day. After Christmas, he was gone and I haven't seen him since.
I couldn't help but wonder if it was Noah's way of stopping by to celebrate Christmas with us But it wasn't the same --- Noah himself was supposed to be with us, and he was not. I am hoping that this Christmas is a little more gentle on us all, especially since by then, we anticipate Pippi will be joining our family.
Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!
I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).
*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
We were supposed to be all going down to my mom's for Christmas this year but I'm not sure that we are going to do that now... I just feel like I want to be at home... My MIL suggested we go on a vacation but I'm not sure if I can do that either... it's going to be a hard day all around... that's for sure...
The holidays are very hard. I know last year I was so down. Roald was born right before Thanksgiving and I was still a mess at Christmas. My sister had not told my nephews Roald had died so at Thanksgiving my oldest nephew ran up to me when I walked in, put his hand on my belly and said "did you have your baby yet?" I wanted to collapse. My other sister is the mother of my youngest nephew and she HAD told him the baby died and we were sitting with him then out of nowhere he asked "Why did your baby die?" It was gutwrenching.
I guess most people don't have to worry about those kinds of comments but they just made my holiday season last year even worse.
I want to get a memorial item every year at Christmas and I really decorated his grave heavily. He had a stocking on his cross, a small Christmas tree with bells, a little see-saw decoration with two stuffed snowmen on it, etc. It made me feel better to see it all decked out for Christmas.
Last year the holidays weren't so bad. Winter Solstice, his due/guess date, was a sad day for me, but I had my girls to distract me. We were excited about Winter Solstice and Christmas.
We went to visit the in-laws for Thanksgiving. It made for a good distraction. I was still emotional and just not in a cheery mood. I carried a baby blanket a friend crocheted for me practically everywhere I went. I slept with it during the early months and still keep it near me.
This year it's bittersweet with Henry being 'due' around the same time as Duncan.
Aeon, mama to Grace, 12/04; Evangeline, 11/06; Duncan, 11/08 ; Henry, 12/09; and Ruby, 11/14.
I'm kind of strange. I celebrate like she's still here. I'll take a christmas tree adn decorations to the cemetery. she'll have probably 2 gifts under my tree which I will take out to the cemetery so we can open them there, ext
I got an invitation from the Funeral home for a holiday candle lite remembrance ceremony...They will name off names and it says you can share memory's of your loved one...They will also be giving out an ornament in memory of your loved one...It's December 6th and I'm thinking of going...We never did have a service for Ella, so I'm thinking that would be nice...My only problem is getting myself to go, I'm not sure I'm going to feel when it actually comes down to it.