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We had our loss in October, so this is the first holiday season since then. I am just not in the mood. The only reason why I am doing anything at all is for my 7 year old. My dh thinks I'm anti-social anyway, which is not completely untrue, but honestly, if I could skip going to his mom's house Christmas Eve and his sister's house Christmas day, that would be a present all to itself. It seems like it didn't phase him. He has no problem going to the various holiday parties. Am anti-social, being a stiff, crazy? Should I expect him to mourn like I do? I just don't get it.
New Mom to a baby boy!
Big Sister 8 yo.
1 angel baby girl, 10/21/2009. 20w, 6d. Blog
It's still very fresh for you and the holidays, no matter how many years later, will always be very difficult knowing that we'll always be missing one of our precious baby's.
We lost Katrina in August 2008 and she was due December 10, 2008, so only about a week and a half before Christmas. It was extremely difficult for me to enjoy myself last year. All I did was cry as December and the holiday season approached. I didn't want to celebrate or do anything except grieve for my beautiful Katrina.
As for your husband - well everyone grieves differently. So even though he's willing to go out and enjoy himself, it could all be a cover up or he just may know how to handle his emotions better. My husband was the exact same. He was able to laugh and always seemed to be enjoying himself when friends came over or if we went out anywhere, whereas all I did was sit there depressed and extremely anti-social, not wanting to be around anyone.
You are not antisocial, being a stiff or crazy. I have no inclination to celebrate Christmas this year either. If it wasn't for my DD, I would totally boycott it entirely. I already told my mom that we're not coming down there for 3 days at Christmas (she lives 4 hours away) because there's no way I could pretend to be "happy" the entire time I was there. The last thing I want is to have everyone fawning over poor lost little me because I can't keep it together either.
I just want to be at home and get it over with. We're going shopping on Boxing day and that's what I'm looking forward to... not Christmas day... sad but if it get's me through that one day, I figure it's okay. Men just process things differently and I think it's harder for us because we were connected physically to our little ones. Dad's still mourn the loss of their child but it was still an abstract person to them, not like the concrete little person in our tummy that we carried with us 24 hours a day in our bodies and our minds.
We'll get through it... just keep trying and it'll be over before we know it... not without a few good cries I'm sure but it will be done eventually. HUGZ.
My loss was also in October, and i'm having a horrible time with the holidays...If I didn't have other kids, i'm not sure I would do anything....I have become very anti social since my loss, and I hate being around people, even my own family!...We are going to my aunts house christmas eve, mostly because it's my grandma's 90th birthday too and it will probably be her last, but I am not going anywhere christmas day, I just can't be around everyone...I wish I had some good advice for you, but I don't, I'm not even sure how i'm going to make it threw this...I guess we can just hope that in time things will get better, that's what I keep telling myself anyway.
You're not crazy. It is now part of who we are. I'm in no mood to celebrate holidays, birthdays (there are many birthdays in my family in December). I also celebrate the holidays just for my DD. I'm sure my family think that I'm being abnormal, but I could care less. My grandma is doing her birthday celebration next weekend, but we are going to be away for a few days so we won't be there. My pregnant cousin is going to be there, and she's the last person I want to see right now. And I'm so glad I don't have to be there and face everyone from family.